Feeling emotions

[12padams]

Ok, I don't know if I did it right but I gave it a go:

Basically yesterday my best friend told me a date they planned to commit suicide if a particular event that is supposed to happen doesn't happen. My emotion to that was none. In fact my reply was something like "yea I agree with you there". I didn't feel sad at the time or have any conscious emotions.

That night I decided to attempt "feeling emotions". With that thought in mind I suddenly remembered my conversation with my best friend and how he wanted to commit suicide. I thought about how it would make me feel... Tears poured out of my eyes. Suddenly I realized that I used to cry often in the past due to how stressed out about the HSC (important end of school exam) I got. In year 11 however I become top of my class In everything (before that I was below average) and stopped crying since I thought everything was going ok... I didn't have conscious fear anymore almost like the HSC wasn't ever going to happen. I was a perfectionist and had to be the best at everything. Even my worst subject (biology) in which I would usually come 15th at I suddenly came 3rd yet was angry that I didn't come 1st like I did in all my other following subjects:
- Information processes and technology
- Software development and design
- English
- Exploring Early childhood
- Math (well not first for this subject but close)

So anyway I sat in bed unable to stop crying, my nose running and my chest hurting sharply from all the crying. I was thinking about how sad I would be without my best friend around. He's the only one I like to really talk to, the only one that really understands me. Then I thought about the process of him committing suicide (causing so much damage to himself that he would no longer be conscious). Then I thought about how his parents would feel, raising him from birth and putting him through school, seeing his work and boom... Dead.

Lastly I thought about the reason he wanted to commit suicide. The fact that he has been relying on something specific (not allowed to mention it) to happen on sept 11th 2012 for the past 8 months and it's me who pulled him into this whole thing getting him in contact with the person giving him and myself all the hope. If it doesn't happen he can't handle living a normal life. Having to work, get married, raise children, grow old and die. None of it seems worth it to him and he's worried about how terrible a normal life would be to compared of this amazing opportunity and fantastic life that's supposed to be ahead of him, myself and 30 others around the world.

I cried for 42 minutes and really shouldn't have because it was 11:30pm when I started and 12:12am when I finally stopped and tried to reframe from thinking those thoughts. Even worse was the fact that I had to get up at 6:30 am for my 10 hour childcare shift.

So was that what I was supposed to do? Is that what you call "feeling emotions". Must you accept or resolve them? I mean... I don't think I can accept my best friends death. No matter how many times I think of it I will still be sad. But this is only something recent, my "RSI" started may 2011 and my backpain started late 2008. Do I have to sit down and cry about all my emotions or do I have to go to people and tell them how I feel.

I guess the main question here is: "tms is physical pain your mind creates by triggering minor oxygen deprivation to a particular body part. It does this to protect you from your unconscious emotions (mostly rage) entering your conscious mind and negatively mentally effecting you. How must you deal with these emotions however to stop them from being something your mind "attacks you" with?

 

[Forest]

First, suicide is never the answer, getting help is the answer. We do have a list of resources on the wiki at http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Suicide . We are not qualified to help in these situations, but the resources on this page will provide you with guidance on what to do. Some of the resources you should take a look at are:

• A list of help centers in Australia (which I believe is where you are from)
• Befrienders.org
• Helping a Suicidal Friend or Relative
• If you are considering suicide

I encourage you to check out these links and forward them to your friend. Sometimes just listening will help.

 

[Forest]

It does sound like you were able to express your emotions about your friend. There is nothing wrong with these feelings, and in fact I think your response is how everyone else would react. This situation is more intense than say, being angry at your boss. If you feel your emotions in these area are becoming too much or too intense then I encourage you to get in touch with a therapist who will be able to help you process and express these emotions in a safe manner. If you can't get a hold of your therapist, then sometimes talking to a friend, parent, teacher, pastor or anyone you can open up to will help.

The biggest thing to understand when expressing your emotions is that no matter what comes up it is valid. You don't really need to resolve them. The main goal is to just allow them to be present. Don't say I shouldn't be doing this right now it is late. That thought is part of your repressing personality. Remove should from your vocabulary.

The first step to recovering is about recognizing that these emotions are there, allowing them to be present and feel them, and lastly learn to accept the emotions and view them as valid. The way TMS pain will fade away is if you can begin to allow the emotions arise.

I have to say this again though, if you think a friend is going to hurt themselves then do something be it talk to them or tell someone else about it.

 

[12padams]

Ok thanks, I understand now.

Interestingly enough my friend told me that those feeling of suicide suddenly disappeared for now reason (nothing changed on the status of things). Then he told me that he was reading about back pain a weak ago and now he's starting to experience it himself. Instantly I know what it was... He is developing tension myositis syndrome and his mind is distracting him with back pain to protect him for the suicidal thoughts...

I told him of tms but... Is it better to leave him in pain? My words are powerful to him and I can make him do anything... Even talk him out of suicide. Still, he has no desire to comit suicide now and it's as if that thought never existed. This is tms right?

 

[veronica73]

Your friend might have TMS, but thinking about suicide is a whole other issue and one that is beyond what you as a friend could be expected to deal with. Your friend really needs to talk to a therapist or his doctor. I would check out the links Forest suggested.

My words are powerful to him and I can make him do anything... Even talk him out of suicide.

Although I'm sure you are a positive influence on your friend, you are not responsible for talking him out of suicide. Again, I think he really needs to get professional help. You also don't want to get so wrapped up in his problems that it prevents you from working on your own recovery from TMS.

 

[Lori]

I do think acceptance is a big part in recovering from TMS.
Acceptance that we're doing the best we can
Acceptance of things we cannot change
Acceptance that we are responsible for ourselves only
Acceptance that we can help others to a certain degree--the rest is up to them.

I have no experience with anyone who is talking of suicide. I am glad he is no longer talking about it though.

I hope you are able to work on your own TMS issues! I think it's a good thing you had a good cry. I know I did when I was doing my recovery work.