Emotions around a flare.

After having a really good week last week this one has been incredibly tough with high pain again, I hold it together all day for my son but once I’ve put him into bed I let the tears I’ve been holding back all day flow. I know holding that emotion all day surely isn’t good for my nervous system but also necessary because I don’t want my little boy to see me sad, he’s 3 and very aware of everything around him.

But my questions are is feeling so much sadness around the pain going to make it worse, I try really hard to look at the positives of last week as proof I can get at least a bit better but I still can’t stop the sadness.

Also when I feel I need this good cry my brain says well done you’ve just given us even more reason to give you more pain (my pain is in my eyes) so I feel like I can’t win, I either hold onto the emotion and get pain or let myself cry and get pain

 

Don't hold your emotion in, if you feel sad then feel sad, teach your young boy that its okay to feel your feelings and if he askes if youre okay? Just say "im okay, im just sad" and if understands what that means just give him a big cuddle.

My son asks me most days if im okay (hes only 6) and sometimes im like yeah im fine, and other times i tell him im sad and he will come and give me a cuddle and a kiss.

 

Thank you for this comment, I get constant comments from family members saying 'he can't see you like this' when I cry and making me feel like it's not ok to be sad infront of him. When actually like you just said its teaching him it's ok to feel his feelings.
Maybe this is another thing that's coming up from my past, I was also always taught with my job 'smile on stage' no matter what's going on in your life and I think its filtered too much into my personal life.

 

Hi Gemma, welcome to the forum.

You can hold an emotion all day long if you know you'll be able to process this emotion later, in bed, in the shower, going for a night walk etc.
What you're treating here is the emotion you've been holding your entire life.

Yes, holding it during the day may increase the symptoms, but it's no use trying to control the pain. It's your relation with the pain that's important. It's, when your eyes are aching, the self compassion to admit it's a bad day and you have the right to feel sad. It's also knowing that you're being sent hopelessness by the amygdala, and that this fear of being in pain for a long time doesn't reflect what's happening in your brain (last week is proof of it, as you noticed).

Symptoms will come and go. And when they come they'll try to bring you down, because it's an attempt to prevent you from being out there in the "danger zone". People who heal usually tell the symptoms were still high right before the healing came.

 

It's really interesting that you say about the self compassion and it being ok to be sad because I feel like I beat myself up for being sad and tell myself 'this isn't going to help' rather than just accepting its ok to be sad.

I felt last week like I'd finally got the proof that I can get better and I had a really busy week doing all the things I haven't felt able to do for a long time, maybe being out so much in the 'dangerous world' as my brain thinks has caused the spike.

Thats also really interesting that people report symptoms were still high right before healing came as everytime it gets worse again I feel like I've taken a step back but I have to remember I'm still further ahead than when I started.