Duality of emotions

Funny how feeling horrible is sometimes less offensive than not feeling anything at all. I just did this journaling session and man... Last year i thought it was definitely gonna be the worst christmas of my life, little did i know...

I hate telling people how big a failure i am. I wish they didnt know i exist. Telling my loved-ones that: no in fact im not doing better at all is nothing short of heart breaking. I'm just sticking to this cause well: what the fuck else is there to do. I can either feel nothing in my attic or feel horrible in my attic with some hope eventually itll be good for me. For now ill choose the latter.

I wanted to ask something as well. When we get these bouts of sadness, what do we do about them? Do we acknowledge them and move on, or do we actually take the time to feel them and let them be heard? I can take a lot of misery. I'm doing this journaling and feeling awful after but thats not a bad thing right?

Merry christmas, folks. I appreciate every single one of you and i wish you a blessed and enlightened new year. Much love <3

 

You feel the sadness and then engage in an interest that is not TMS related. The recurrent feelings surrounding “failure” may be deeper than just sadness. Notice what lies underneath. We can have many emotions at one time.
A great way to work through them is what is called a Meta meditation.
You begin by simply chilling, close your eyes, lean into the breath.
After awhile you can think “May I offer myself loving kindness” then “May I be safe from inner and outter dangers” picture yourself doing this, just as you are. Then “May I be well in body and in mind”. Say this to yourself slowly with breaks between each phrase about 3-4 times.
Now do the same picturing neighbors and folks who live around you, collectively as a unit. “May you be filled with loving kindness” and keep going swapping “I” for you.
Once again, do the same picturing people in your town or city. People you don’t really know. Maybe think of yourself floating above the city sending your wishes to them.
Lastly, try the same to the world: every person, plant, animal, insect..or “May every living being” replace “I” and “You”.
Sit quietly afterwards, think about this love you can share.

This method, done once a day can really help re-center your idea of being unworthy, useless and whatever “ failure” means to you. I believe every single living thing has intrinsic value without having to prove or do a single thing. The universe would not be the same without every experience you have had. The one thing you have and can offer back right now is love. The universe needs it badly, and it is the thing of highest value. Imagine if every single person would stop to do this every day, how much love the world would be flooded with.
That you might take time out to offer this is something others simply don’t do. It makes you especially special.