Joulegirl
Beloved Grand Eagle
I finished the SEP program. It took me way longer than 42 days. I did learn a lot about myself.
- I learned that my childhood was hard. I had on rose colored glasses. Those are finally off and I can see that it was not ideal. I had an absent father and an authoritarian mother. I learned to people please very early in life and be hyper vigilant of my surroundings.
- I learned that earliest TMS memory started around when I was 9 years old and has popped in my life during various parts of my life. I've had TMS for at least 35 years and I can't expect to deal with my emotional repression in just a couple of months.
- I still struggle with feeling emotions. I do recognize happiness and sadness a lot better now. I catch myself stuffing feelings down when they pop up.
- I like my "alone" time where I just sit and write what I am thinking.
- I still struggle with belief that I have TMS. I keep my evidence list handy though. Cause I have had where my pain has moved around and even disappeared for moments when I thought my pain level was at a 10 just moments before! It was the weirdest thing to experience. Almost like my brain was glitching.
