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Day 17 Dialogue

J

JacketSpud

Peer Supporter
I just can't seem to do the dialogue part. I prefer straight journaling and occasional unsent letter writing. Dialogue seems too contrived to me. I can't speak both sides of the conversation and stay impartial - it's always me. And anyway, I tried to converse with my brain with this dialogue idea tonight - my brain told me that life was not fair, and then to keep on swimming. I am not trying to be flippant here - these were the responses that instantly came to mind from the comments on the "me" side of the dialogue. I told my husband that I was having trouble with this and read it to him - he wonders if maybe it was a clue from my brain to actually start swimming (haven't swam in about 20 years - not pain related) rather than the result of a quote from a Disney movie going around in my head.

So, the perfectionist on me is convinced that the SEP won't work for me if I don't follow the program to the letter, but on the other hand, I don't want to cause my self more stress by forcing myself to do something that I'm struggling with (I know it's good for the soul to do things we struggle with, I have three degrees, I've encountered difficulties and known the awesome benefits of struggling through)! Is this skill unequivocally worth honing, or will I likely fair just as well by regular journaling in place of creating dialogues?
 
Hi, JacketSpud. The ways to heal from TMS by following the SEProgram are not written in stone. Different techniques work for different people.
I healed mainly from severe back pain thanks to SEP journaling and never even tried the dialogue part. That sounds like something I couldn't do either.

The main thing you may have to work on is believing 100 percent that your symptoms are caused by TMS emotions and/or your perfectionist personality.

By journaling, I realized I had been repressing years of anger because my parents divorced when I was seven and it left me with feelings of insecurity.
I put myself in their shoes and realized they had TMS of their own, and that helped me to understand them and their reasons for divorce better. That helped me to forgive them and that ended my back pain.

Relax and do the SEP that feels right to you. It sounds like you have an understanding and loving husband. Give him a hug and get one in return.
 
I think that after chatting with people on here I'm confident in a TMS diagnosis. Moreover, during journaling I've discovered, not so much repressed emotions, but anger that was much more intense than I ever imagined, and loneliness and sadness I thought I'd gotten through. It's been enlightening, and even if I never cure my pain, I think emotionally I'll be in a much healthier place.

Most of my mother is aimed towards my mother, but I'm not sure I'll ever be in a position to forgive. There problem with that would be the potential to risk putting my kids in a vulnerable position. I can't expose my children to the toxicity she exudes. To me a position of indifference would be what I aim for. But the great thing is, I can see all this now and am in a position to heal from it.

And yes, my husband is pretty awesome and supportive of me (as well as being a constant source of my stress, but no marriage is perfect, all take work). Today is our nine year wedding anniversary :-)
 
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