Day 1 Desperation, Hope, and Doubt all wrapped up in anxiety

[Ruth65]

Hello!

I am new to this program. A friend recommended Dr. Sarno's Healing Back Pain to me years ago for my neck, but I "poo poo-ed" it as quackery. But a couple of days before Thanksgiving, I suffered a complete blowout of my back and ended up in the ER. They did x-rays and gave me meds and a consult for an orthopaedist. It was awful. My husband had to help me on and off the toilet for two days (humiliating!). Since then, I've run the gamut of X-ray, MRI (2 herniated discs and a bulging disc, plus some degenerative disc disease), chiropractor, physical therapy, massage, and pain management. And after 8 months, I'm still in pain. It's not the pain so much, though, as the "out of left field" way that it hits me. I can do the same thing a hundred times, but on the hundred and first time, I'm put out of commission. This has ruined my life. It's ruined research trips, family trips, work, my enjoyment of life. So, I turned to Dr. Sarno's book and had hope. But doubt is there, too. Certainly, the snap, crackle, pop in my back (which I did not have before my blowout) are signs of structural issues, right? I can totally accept that my emotional state (I've been called a "stress junky" by many who know me well) can affect my physical state, but certainly there has to be a physical element as well, right?

But Dr. Sarno says no, and he's obviously helped quite a lot of people. And, honestly, I'm desperate. I've done the Week 0 part of this program and read the link on "Be Nice to Yourself," and it blew me away. So, while my back pain feels like it has ruined my life, I have a feeling that if I'm honest with myself, it may have actually saved my life by bringing me here. But how do I get over these doubts? (And, to be honest, I doubt pretty much everything, all the time, so....)

Help?

 

[Diana-M]

So, while my back pain feels like it has ruined my life, I have a feeling that if I'm honest with myself, it may have actually saved my life by bringing me here. But how do I get over these doubts?

Hi, Ruth!
Welcome aboard the healing train! You are absolutely in the right place. We all have felt like our lives were ruined at one point or another because of our TMS. And yes, it’s a gift to get shepherded by our pain onto this amazing healing journey. You get over the doubts as you go along. No one believes 100 percent at first. But luckily, you don’t have to believe perfectly at first. You just have to want to heal and stick with it!

 

[Cactusflower]

Hi @Ruth65
Welcome!
First things first..."and to be honest, I doubt pretty much everything, all the time, so...."

You are in the right place, and the fact that you took your time to get here and to exhaust other options means you are probably pretty ready to be vulnerable with your "stress junkie" self and get to work. Stress Junkie and Be Nice To Yourself aren't necessarily copacetic are they?
The program will take you through the ways you can confront your doubts, learn how and why doubting everything is one of your thought habits and eventually learn when those habits serve you, and when they don't.
Don't sweat the doubt now. It's really not that important. Just begin the program and slowly work through it. Just do one day at a time (or even divide up the days, sometimes they can be long) and let it all sink in. Be willing to be your own therapist, and be open and honest and most of all CURIOUS about the method, as well as with yourself.
I developed the habit of running through this program with the mindset of "Well, maybe.. let's explore the possibilities" instead of "no, that doesn't apply to me".
Recognize the amount of self pressure things like worrying about if you will succeed with the program and Dr. Sarno's ideas. See how much stress worrying about if you can dump the doubt is already creating. Heaping on pressure and stress isn't being nice to yourself.

The anxiety is quite easily tackled through the methods of Dr. Claire Weekes and her quaint, rather old fashioned but charming book Hope and Help For Your Nerves. There are audios of her reading her own books as well, which are so soothing. Her ideas are in line with Sarno and absolutely work. You can even use her methods to overcome worry, catastrophic thinking, doubt and much more. https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Overcome_Anxiety_with_Dr._Claire_Weekes (Overcome Anxiety with Dr. Claire Weekes)


You can do this!

 

[Ruth65]

Hi, Ruth!
Welcome aboard the healing train! You are absolutely in the right place. We all have felt like our lives were ruined at one point or another because of our TMS. And yes, it’s a gift to get shepherded by our pain onto this amazing healing journey. You get over the doubts as you go along. No one believes 100 percent at first. But luckily, you don’t have to believe perfectly at first. You just have to want to heal and stick with it!

Hi Diana!

Thank you so much! As usual, I expected myself to have to get it all right the first time, and you've reminded me to be a little nicer to myself. Honestly, this site has been amazing - a real game-changer! Thanks again!

 

[Ruth65]

Don't sweat the doubt now. It's really not that important. Just begin the program and slowly work through it. Just do one day at a time (or even divide up the days, sometimes they can be long) and let it all sink in. Be willing to be your own therapist, and be open and honest and most of all CURIOUS about the method, as well as with yourself.
...
The anxiety is quite easily tackled through the methods of Dr. Claire Weekes and her quaint, rather old fashioned but charming book Hope and Help For Your Nerves. There are audios of her reading her own books as well, which are so soothing. Her ideas are in line with Sarno and absolutely work. You can even use her methods to overcome worry, catastrophic thinking, doubt and much more. https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Overcome_Anxiety_with_Dr._Claire_Weekes (Overcome Anxiety with Dr. Claire Weekes)


You can do this!

Hi @Cactusflower - Thank you! I will look at Dr. Weekes's page. I am a "worst-case scenario" kind of person. I like your comment about curiosity and about my doubt. I will continue to stick with the program. It has already helped me realize (and FEEL) so much that I didn't know was there! Thanks again!

 

[Baseball65]

Certainly, the snap, crackle, pop in my back (which I did not have before my blowout) are signs of structural issues, right?

Nope..No different than cracking your knuckles...because of spasm I am sure whatever noises we normally have might be exacerbated, but I have all sorts of creaks and pops and no pain. I walk so funny, if I was a German shepherd, they'd probably put me down, cause they'd say "He must be in pain"...but I'm not.

but certainly there has to be a physical element as well, right?

Nope..all of the 'Medieval Medical Mythology' that has spread that propaganda (and healed no one) made up all of that fairy story.

But how do I get over these doubts?

Well, when your pain goes away, which it will, that will be the best testimony...but meanwhile, don't be afraid of your doubts and try to corral them. Inspect them honestly....they are a normal part of this and ALL of us had them, me included. I have had doubts during small relapses AFTER being miraculously healed previously...it's just our nature and the negative residual of the alleged scientific rigor to which we as a culture submit everything nowadays...your life isn't a pie graph...it's real, your pain is real and it will go away.
You don't need to flood yourself with their propaganda...its been bombing you for years....but if you have a doubt, write it down. Pray about it if that is your deal...but always consider the results and implications fairly...what was going on when your pain began??....not in the 3d world; inside of you , your soul, mental ,spiritual, professional and social/relationship life???...that is where the answer always lies.

welcome

 

[Cactusflower]

Hi @Cactusflower - Thank you! I will look at Dr. Weekes's page. I am a "worst-case scenario" kind of person. I like your comment about curiosity and about my doubt. I will continue to stick with the program. It has already helped me realize (and FEEL) so much that I didn't know was there! Thanks again!

Like @Baseball65 is saying - right now the trend is for everything to look and feel negative in this world. It's a trend, it's actually being done on purpose and once you see it for what it is, and gain the knowledge it helps you realize you can be a glass half empty person or a glass half full. The great thing is, we can teach ourselves that we have a choice in how we choose to experience our world. We are in control of our brain, it's not in control of us!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I will echo what @Cactusflower just said, but from a slightly different point of view and/or perhaps with a caveat. Which is: neuroscientifically, we are actually wired to be negative in our outlook.

In the primitive world this negative outlook is what contributed to our survival. It worked fine back then, eons and eons ago, but it actually works for shit in the modern world with its infinite number of mostly non-dangerous stressors (or at least this is thankfully the case for most of us). The "modern world" has not been around long enough for this brain mechanism to adapt, and it still behaves as if every stress we feel is a life-or-death threat to our survival. These days, that's a LOT of stress.

The takeaway - in fact, the great news - is that this negativity, when acknowledged and accepted as completely natural, can also be counteracted. It does not need to be our destiny.

In concept, it's just that simple! In practice, it will take some work to overcome a lifetime of automatic negative thinking, but it absolutely can be done. That's why this forum and our two programs exist, and why so many of us are here to help with that process that we have been through or are going through or still come back to whenever we need a refresher. You can do it to.

The brilliant (imho) Nicole Sachs, LCSW regularly reminds us to always do this work with patience and kindness for ourselves.

Start with the sincere belief that you deserve to recover, even if you believe nothing else right now.

 

[Ruth65]

Well, when your pain goes away, which it will, that will be the best testimony...but meanwhile, don't be afraid of your doubts and try to corral them. Inspect them honestly....they are a normal part of this and ALL of us had them, me included. I have had doubts during small relapses AFTER being miraculously healed previously...it's just our nature and the negative residual of the alleged scientific rigor to which we as a culture submit everything nowadays...your life isn't a pie graph...it's real, your pain is real and it will go away.
You don't need to flood yourself with their propaganda...its been bombing you for years....but if you have a doubt, write it down. Pray about it if that is your deal...but always consider the results and implications fairly...what was going on when your pain began??....not in the 3d world; inside of you , your soul, mental ,spiritual, professional and social/relationship life???...that is where the answer always lies.

welcome

Hi @Baseball65 !

Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear that doubting is allowed as part of the process, and I will definitely examine those doubts and try to figure out where they're coming from. That's going to be difficult at first, but I will keep plugging away!

Take care

 

[Ruth65]

In concept, it's just that simple! In practice, it will take some work to overcome a lifetime of automatic negative thinking, but it absolutely can be done. That's why this forum and our two programs exist, and why so many of us are here to help with that process that we have been through or are going through or still come back to whenever we need a refresher. You can do it to.

The brilliant (imho) Nicole Sachs, LCSW regularly reminds us to always do this work with patience and kindness for ourselves.

Start with the sincere belief that you deserve to recover, even if you believe nothing else right now.

Hi @JanAtheCPA !

Thank you so much! I agree that knowing something intellectually and really feeling/believing it are two totally separate things, and that's what I struggle with. I love your comment that I need to believe that I deserve to recover - I will hold on to that one!

Thanks again!

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I just listened to the latest episode of the wonderful Like Mind Like Body podcast and I highly recommend it. Christie Uipi LCSW interviews two MDs, and although the episode is ostensibly about Connection, it's really about so much more than what we think of when we hear that word. This episode truly has something for everyone, including spouses and parents as well as anyone with chronic symptoms.

If you listen to podcasts regularly, just add Like Mind Like Body to your subscriptions. If you're a Curable member, it's in your app. Everyone else can listen for free here
https://www.curablehealth.com/podcast (Like Mind, Like Body Podcast)