Day 5 Depression and anxiety - confronting past experiences...

[Pia]

Oh my.... I'm supposed to work with past experiences... everything in me wants to run away. I'm close to getting sick, I'm struck by intense fatique. Feelings of being a nuisance, wrong, not good enough, a failure, crazy, stupid, unfair and a drama queen are pouring in - depression, grief and anxiety simply takes over.
I cannot do that. I looked at it several times today forgetting from one time to the other what I'm supposed to do. I cannot journal just one of my past events/experiences as described in day 5. Repressed feelings... tell me about it! To the point of vomiting!
I have an appointment with my psychologist tomorrow. Perfect timing!
Just needed to get this off my chest before going to bed. Wish you all a good night - or day, depending on your time zone

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I looked at it several times today forgetting from one time to the other what I'm supposed to do. I cannot journal just one of my past events/experiences

Oh, Pia, your brain is an EXPERT at sabotaging you! Even as you are trying to do this work, your primitive/fearful/repressing brain is hard at work, convincing you that you can't just choose one thing, so there's no point in starting. What do you think? Maybe?

The good news is that your brain is giving you extra symptoms because you're in danger of getting somewhere with this work. You can take back control by simply closing your eyes and putting your finger down on that list. Write about whatever you point at.

Good luck!

 

[Pia]

Yes, you are quite right - my brain is an expert! Had a good session with the psychologist, and the "diagnosis" is that it's resistance... I keep myself busy with internal conflicts, fear, anxiety - one moment I'm happy, the next I'm in despair - and that keeps me going and prevents me from feeling what I really feel...
I will acknowledge the resistance, letting it flow knowing that it is in fact "just" resistance... Eventually what lies beneath will surface!
Thank you for the advice on just putting my finger on the list - I'll do that!

 

[mike2014]

Oh, Pia, your brain is an EXPERT at sabotaging you! Even as you are trying to do this work, your primitive/fearful/repressing brain is hard at work, convincing you that you can't just choose one thing, so there's no point in starting. What do you think? Maybe?

The good news is that your brain is giving you extra symptoms because you're in danger of getting somewhere with this work. You can take back control by simply closing your eyes and putting your finger down on that list. Write about whatever you point at.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for this post Jan, I've been suffering these last few weeks and this is just what I needed to read to help pick me up.

I'm so grateful for your wisdom, friendship and support. You are so important to the forum and I cherish you dearly.