Dealing With Tempermental Fatigue After Discovering TMS

Hello everybody,

I am a healthy 20-year-old. I tell myself that every day! Unfortunately, my brain is trying to convince me otherwise. I started having horrific chronic fatigue after the death of a family member and a close friend in quick succession almost three years ago. I was diagnosed with moderate-severe sleep apnea which was a huge shock because I am not overweight at all, but even after I got my CPAP my fatigue worsened. This intense suffering led me to a flimsy long covid diagnosis by a doctor. After being diagnosed with long covid I started having shortness of breath and then after Mother's Day this past May in which I slept 17 hours in one day I hit a breaking point and discovered a post on Reddit about someone talking about recovering from Sarno's work. I ceased all of the ridiculous supplements I was taking instantly, started forcing myself to sleep normal hours, etc, and improved massively overnight just from believing I am healthy again. I think most here will understand why Mother's Day of all days triggered such a reaction.

I have since read The Mindbody Prescription and The Divided Mind, done much emotional work aided by the education program on here, and found much progress. I'm sleeping 8h daily instead of 11, I'm running again, I've discovered what triggers extreme rage in me (not being believed, and then being unfairly punished for it -- comes from a whole host of terrible childhood experiences), so on. I believe my brain latched onto my legit medical condition, sleep apnea, as a 'vogue' excuse to create problems for me, and then expanded my problems once I became aware of long covid.

However, I have a persistent problem now. Most mornings are very difficult for me. I wake up and check my CPAP and see my score for the night and if it is anything but perfect I get very stressed about being tired, which then creates TMS fatigue because my brain has an excuse. I'll then spend half of the day trying to convince myself that I am healthy and not tired-- doing exactly what my brain wants me to do, thinking about the pain and not what's really going on. Of course, the fatigue goes away when I'm with people I enjoy or doing something I like.

Also, whenever I go for a run, I always get TMS-tired the next day. I know it is TMS-fatigue because if I prove to myself I am healthy by going on a walk or a run again the severe fatigue goes away for the rest of the day. Logically, I know it's my brain jumping for the excuse to distract me. I was on the varsity cross country team in HS and know how tired I am supposed to be after a run... nothing like this temperamental fatigue.

Finally, a childhood problem of aura (visual) migraines and severe nausea with it has returned-- obviously symptom substitution, and also occurring in the mornings. I'm fine now, but I just spent 2.5 hours coaxing myself out of one. I feel stuck; I've really worked and found success with my TMS, but I don't know how to run the final lap around this. There's still all this paranoia and fear I hold over my fatigue and it's coming out constantly. It's like I have to babysit this crazy child in my head and every day convince him that there is nothing wrong. What to do? How do I permanently fix this and get my brain to stop the substitution, the fear, and the temperamental TMS symptoms?

 

This should tell you all you need to know - you should read and re-read this often. If simply becoming aware of a concept could have that much impact then the "investigation is over" and you can rest assured your issues are TMS.

I can relate to much of what you have written above especially regarding the exercise and the reliance on biometric tools to guide your day. All of these things, HR monitors, GPS watches, smart watches, CPAP monitors etc are just tools but a TMS mind (prone to OCD) will tend to take these things too far - relying on them for "how we feel" instead of actually, ya know, how we actually feel! Be wary of these things. And I say that as someone who uses half a dozen of them regularly (I'm wearing a Garmin smartwatch and an Oura ring right now).

Jan is correct above, there is no "permanent fix" for this condition, it requires work and continual work (although it does get easier in time as you become more of a pro at recognizing things for what they are). I think too often our society wants a pill or a doctor to fix us and there is a seduction for such an easy path. But nothing good in life comes easily. This work is worth it.

A few suggestions for what works for me:

- Evidence lists (Pros and Cons for TMS vs not)
- Reading and re-reading Sarno (you don't mention it above so I recommend the original "Healing Back Pain" - it's <$10 on Amazon)
- Listening to TMS podcasts (I like Eddy Lindenstein's "Mind and Body Fitness" but it's fairly masculine - if you want more feminine then Nicole Sachs is good)
- Keeping a light heart. TMS feeds on serious, we're-doomed thinking.
- Reminding yourself that your issues have gone away before, they can do so again.

Good luck!