Dealing With Rage

[Blackstar]

I'm rereading Steve Ozanich's "The Great Pain Deception" and one of the chapters goes into dealing with anger. He goes into detail about how recognizing the repressed issues that give you anger and rage need to be brought to conciousness in order to heal.

I've been reading this section repeatedly for the past week and it's difficult to describe how exactly this section makes me feel. My pain has been bouncing around and my anxiety has been crashing down on me at random times during the day since doing this. My main pain (neck pain after surgery for thoracic outlet syndrome) has dropped slightly. I understand that these are positive responses for someone wanting to know if they have TMS but one of the issues I've had for the past few days is the feeling of being physically ill. For example I can think about rage for 10 minutes and feel sick to my stomach, then realizing I need to stop.

My question is, am I overdoing this? Has anyone else experienced this? I'm guessing I've been spending 30 to 45 minutes a day with this process.

Also, Steve mentions forgiveness at the end of the chapter. I spend some time telling myself that people make mistakes. I believe I hurt myself through sports and exercise and that most of my anger is toward myself. For those of you who journal or concentrate on rage, do you spend time on thinking about forgiveness?

Thanks in advance for any responses...

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Blackstar,

I am always interested in inquiries about rage! By becoming aware of anger and rage, we have less "inner tension" especially if we defend against the inner critic which usually makes us wrong for having anger. So the first step is what you're doing: thinking about rage in you or in someone else, like in Steve's book. Can I really be that rageful down deep?

The next is to feel this rage, which you don't specifically report. It seems that you are getting symptoms like stomach upset because there is the dawning of the possibility that you might have rage you're not aware of. Any emergence of difficult emotions can trigger symptoms, as you suggest, or lessen them. It seems you get that this correlation is important to see and acknowledge. It is important because you're building more evidence that your symptoms are not caused by physical reasons, but by emotional. Feeling one minute of rage is more effective than 30 minutes of thinking about it, but this takes it's own time to happen. Mostly we are afraid of our own rage.

If thinking about rage is giving you stomach symptoms, the next inquiry might be: "Why does it feel unsafe to feel my rage? Where did I learn this? Is my rage really dangerous? How might it be unsatisfying to think about rage, but not feel my own?"

If you're patient and sincere, you will find out more and more the specificity of your rage: what it is about. But for most of us, the roots are deep, and probably point to early experiences and the pressures we put on ourselves, so you might find a clear reason for rage, and then in time find a deeper reason. It is the process of wanting to know, and feeling which is important.

Forgiveness is great, but for most folks we have to allow and know our anger first. Otherwise it is a bypass, and we're just being "nice" so that we'll be loved, and this isn't real forgiveness.

I believe I hurt myself through sports and exercise and that most of my anger is toward myself.

Forgiving yourself is probably a very important and deep place to start!!

Andy B

 

[Baseball65]

My first thought is NO. You can't overdo it.... You will know you're done because your pain will be gone, or well on it's way. When I feel a warning shot of TMS I sometimes think of Rage inducing stuff as many times as I can during the day...and it's a bummer, albeit a necessary one. I don't worry about forgiving the person/situation until later. I even ask G-d for an extension in my morning prayers.

The sickness after 10 minutes is actually proof positive of how very conditioned we are to NOT feel anger. Andy B. gave you some great questions there .... "Why does it feel unsafe to feel my rage? Where did I learn this? Is my rage really dangerous? How might it be unsatisfying to think about rage, but not feel my own?"

I have only ever read Sarno so I made up my own therapy. His advice to turn your thoughts to an unsavory topic was CRUCIAL to reconditioning my brain/mind, BUT the particular "thought" I used for therapeutic purposes (being burned in a music deal) though sufficient for symptom resolution was not even a scratch on the surface of the things I was angry about! I was in a horribly shallow and materialistic marriage. I worked for a terribly immoral and wasteful industry. All of my time was dedicated to the needs of others. These things became clear over the last 20 years of doing this work, though I didn't need to 'know' all of them to get resolution of symptoms. Merely identifying the process was sufficient

I also didn't have to become Mother Theresa to get well. I am still a D![K about many things. (Just ask my Kids or GF..LOL)

After the symptom abates, I usually have a joyous and free feeling. THAN I think about the people I spent all of that time railing on....and I forgive them and thank G-d for them because ultimately I needed them to recover. I also reflect on the fact that most people who offend us are only doing what they know/have the power to do...and that makes me feel empathy. And Like Andy said, Forgiveness is great.... but first us TMSers better be damn sure we know what we are forgiving them for

 

[Blackstar]

Thank you both for the responses, this is great advice.

Feeling one minute of rage is more effective than 30 minutes of thinking about it, but this takes it's own time to happen. Mostly we are afraid of our rage.

So, both you and Baseball65 said somewhat the same thing. Do you think it is better to recognize the things that cause unconscious rage during the day, think about this for a minute, and then move on vs sitting down at the end of the day for 30 minutes and going through the things that bothered you?

 

[EileenS]

Thank you both for the responses, this is great advice. So, both you and Baseball65 said somewhat the same thing. Do you think it is better to recognize the things that cause unconscious rage during the day, think about this for a minute, and then move on vs sitting down at the end of the day for 30 minutes and going through the things that bothered you?

Hi Blackstar,
I don't think it's a good idea to go through the things that bother you right before you go to sleep simply for the quality of your sleep alone. If that is the only time you can do it or that's when the mood strikes you, then after your rant find several things you are grateful for in your life to go to sleep on. If you mean 'the end of the day' still gives you a few hours afterwards to read a happy book, watch something enjoyable on Netflix, or do something else fun, then go ahead. We need to carve out the time to do the exercise whenever we can.