Day 1 Day One

This is hopefully my first journal post of many. I’m so thankful for coming across such a wonderful community such as this.


About a month ago was my 22nd birthday, and never have I felt so awful in my heart. For about the last year I’ve been suffering from what I thought was a RSI in both of my arms. I’ve gone to multiple doctors, I’ve had X-Rays, I’ve gone through occupational and physical therapy, I’ve had my nerves shocked, and I’ve just given it plain time. Nothing. I’m perfectly healthy. Then why am I in so much pain?


On my birthday a thought filled me with dread; this pain will be with me forever. I would never be able to use my arms again, half of my limbs would only cause me constant agony for the rest of my life. And I still have my whole life ahead of me. What kind of life is that? Would I ever be able to enjoy things the way I used to? Is it a life worth living?


Well, I believe that even if I could only use my left foot I would still create beautiful paintings.


Accepting the TMS diagnosis has been quite easy for me, I think because I’m young, I understand how powerful our minds are, and because it was working. Almost immediately after stumbling upon the idea of TMS I began to feel better, because I believed it.


This might seem a little weird but I’m going to talk about hypnosis now. From my understanding, hypnosis uses a single very powerful tool in the brain to achieve its effects; belief. If a hypnotist is able to convince your mind into believing that a snap will put you to sleep, then when said hypnotist snaps their fingers, you will fall asleep. not because the snap actually does, but because your mind believes it does. Our minds are incredibly powerful, and if it truly believes in something, no matter how nonsensical it may seem, then that thing becomes true and real to our mind.


I think understanding that has helped me accept the TMS diagnosis; accepting that our minds can create physical ailments based on emotional turmoil, and accepting -- believing -- that that is what I have, not RSI. for a few days after learning about TMS I believed that I had it as well as a layer of physical damage cause from RSI underneath. But, how would any physical damage not have healed after a full year? I’m young, healthy, and the doctors have found no evidence of anything being damaged. All that remains, then, is TMS. Accepting this has led to such a dramatic improvement in my symptoms so quickly it’s almost unbelievable. If I experience pain in my arms I simply take some deep breaths and practice some mindfulness and it practically vanishes. I still can’t use a keyboard and mouse or eat food without pain, but I can finally sleep at night again.


I’ve been running into a bit of a hiccup, though. I’m able to catch and release the pain in my arms relatively well, but I believe I’m experiencing the system imperative. My brain realizes that the pain in my arms is no longer serving as a distraction, so now my legs are beginning to hurt as well as my lower back. It makes sense in my mind, it’s simply TMS doing its thing. The difference is that I’ve had my arms checked; I know for a fact they’re healthy. I haven’t had my back or my legs checked out, what if there really is something wrong? Of course, I have everything to suggest that this is still TMS. I’m at least 99.9% certain that the pain I’m suddenly experiencing in my back and legs is TMS. but that last 0.1% is titanic when talking about belief.


All in all, coming across this forum and the diagnosis seems like a miracle, almost like it’s too good to be true. I’m worried about the pain creeping down into my left foot but I’m confident I’ll learn to let it go. I’ve never really made a post like this before anywhere so I hope it was appropriate. Anyways, have a good morning, take care.

 

We are all one within the Iris.

you’re in the right space