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Day 36

R

Reddi2bbetter

New Member
I was seeing a definite improvement until last night. The pain got worse, which made it even more difficult to sleep. I also felt a high level of anxiety. The only explanation I could come up with, was that my sister-in-law said that she was coming up with my brother, their 18-year-old daughter and their two dogs to stay for three nights. My sister-in-law and niece are needy and demanding. They also argue with each other a lot. She doesn't like it when I surf and mountain bike with my brother. She just wants me to shop and talk with her. I just felt so overwhelmed and started obsessing about it. I kept telling myself to not be afraid of the pain. I tried to do the deep breathing meditation exercises, but I felt tightness in my chest. Finally I got up and did Qi Gong, which helped relax me a little. I kept waking up with the pain radiating down my back and thighs. My left leg also started to pulse. I know relapses happens, and this just validates my TMS diagnosis. I also started to get ankle pain, which I didn't have before. That must be the symptom imperative. Does anyone have any recommendations?
 
Plan the upcoming visit so that it fits your life and expectations - not just hers. Try not to fear it - just ensure that you are not taken advantage of - then you will not have the resentment and fear of next visit. I can so sympathise with you as I have huge problems with my sis-in-law too!
I have just had to negotiate my way thru a Golden Wedding 'do' for the parents in which normally I would of been bullied and pushed into all sorts of stuff. But now I know it would make me ill. So, firstly I told my hubby exactly what I was prepared to do and what I was not - so he could support me. (or no more packed lunches for him!) then I stated clearly that I was not involved in the preparation of her party but that I would help on the day. This made a balance that I was happy with and that she could not argue with. I then made sure that I had a good session of meditation beforehand (de rigeur with any family event !) and also planned a night out afterwards so I had something to look forward to - not to dread!
I think the ankle pain is a clincher - ankles ( according to Louise Hay) represent mobility and movement - you were instantly anxious about your movements being curtailed by someone you feel bullied/pushed by. So ensure (without bullying back!) that your needs/wants/expectations are honoured and then your body will not need to give you pain...
I think many of us with TMS are such people-pleasers and so 'good' that we just sabotage ourselves. There is no crime in standing up for ourselves and expecting a balance in lifes circumstances - but no-one will 'guess' what we need - we have to stand up and say...
 
Hi, Reddi. The visiting relatives would cause anyone to have pain. They were even so inconsiderate to say they are bringing their two dogs.
I love dogs, but wouldn't want them on top of their owners.

My suggestion is, look beyond the visit. Just do what you can to endure it, but think how wonderful it is going to be when they have left.

Try not to engage in any emotional conversation with them. Just be agreeable and let anything that bothers you go in one ear and out the other.

As my wise mother used to say, "This too shall pass."
 
Definitely a wise woman. I guess one of my concerns is that most of my pain happens in the middle of the night, so I don't get much sleep. It makes it harder for me to function during the day. especially when extra cooking and cleaning will be involved, Not to mention entertaining.
 
Thinking of you, as it sounds like a tricky situation!! One area of my life I've been working on is developing better boundaries and assertiveness skills, as this helps a lot to deal with stress and overcome TMS. I've realised that when I don't stand up for myself and confront people, I just become silently resentful and repress the anger. I've started confronting my housemate more which has helped me develop confidence, even though I honestly hate confrontations and find it threatening… but my housemate is a relatively calm and easy person to talk to, so I feel like she is a good person to start practicing my assertiveness skills with.

Two books I have found helpful are 'Boundaries' and 'Who's Pushing Your Buttons' by Henry Cloud and John Townshend. They are written from a Christian perspective, but most of the advice would be relevant for anyone - as a lot of the focus is on learning to say no, not being swayed by guilt trips, learning to be assertive, and not taking responsibility for other people's emotions or poor choices.

Anyway, all the best with everything! :) Hugs!
 
Wow, Laudisco, you summed it up perfectly! I am definitely one of those people that can't say no. Last night I finally gave in and took pain meds so that I could get a good nights sleep. This definitely reaffirms my TMS diagnosis though.
 
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