Day 32 Day 32

[nowtimecoach]

This are two great entry way questions = When was the last time you made a mistake? How did it make you FEEL?
Since starting this program, I have been awakened to the fact that I have quite a few perfectionist traits. These traits keep me from trying anything new for fear of failure - or they keep me in a critical mindset because I can never do something 'good enough.'
So the last time I made a mistake was quite recently. I trusted someone implicitly that pretty much pulled the wool right over my eyes. As a result I supported the wrong person and criticized the other person trying to make things right. At first I was humiliated that I could misjudge a person so much. I usually am a great judge of character. And I felt really really bad that I questioned the main person trying to get information. But because I'm doing all this awareness work - I was able to detach and watch a little bit of my personal drama. I also felt the pain in my body increase with the criticism I heaped on to myself.
After a few days, I was able to feel a little bit more compassion for 'being human.' I was able to make amends to my friend and be honest with the person who deceived me.
Before I would have repressed the anger and hurt I felt, in the scope of holding up my good girl persona. Because good girls just don't get angry or hold resentments! This time, I let the feelings come up and expressed them in my journal. I felt much clearer and cleaner and more ALIVE in just being a regular person who got burned. I really am excited with the doors of awareness that keep opening up.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, nowtimecoach. I've been through this experience and know how you can feel.
First of all, I've been the victim of betrayal of friendship several times over the years
and for someone like me, who values friendship so much -- to me, friendship is sacred --
it really hurt. Not physical pain but you know, emotionally. I didn't back the wrong horse,
as you did, but I put my faith in some people who really let me down or even turned on me.

I forgave everyone but one person and am trying hard to forgive him. But I'm getting there,
mainly from deciding he's sick and I doubt I'm the first person he's taken advantage of.
I learned later that his wife divorced him and I can just imagine how hard it was for her to
realize she had spent about ten years or more with him and was taken advantage of.
They had two children he thought he was fooling, too.

Herbie also was a victim of betrayal from a friend who duped him out of a lot of money.
But he says he was finally able to forgive him.

What Herbie and I had to deal with, and probably you do too, is forgiving ourselves,
for bullying ourselves that we were burned by a friend who really never was a friend but
plays friendship like a game to get ahead.

We have to realize we aren't really as perfect at judging friends as we thought we were.
We're not really perfect at anything. God is perfect and so are dogs, but we aren't.

We should count our blessings that we have been as good as we have been at judging
friends so far. I come out way ahead in percentage of that. If the good outweigh the bad,
my scale is real heavy on the good side. I can forgive myself for it being a little light on the bad.

I've followed your posts and you are among the most insightful, caring people on the
TMSWiki. I hope you'll just journal that bad friendship experience out of your unconscious
and go on trusting your judgment about people. Its been darned good to you so far.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

This is a great post nowtimecoach, I'm a classic goodist. I was born that way, never could understand folks that didn't see things like I did but after I got burnt about 3 years ago in a bad construction deal. I decided to get out of that line of work and move to greener pastures. For me I was always wondering where were the real people and why did so many folks try to get over on other folks.

I just didn't get that concept - then I learned that everyone didn't think like me. I learned it at a high financial loss, although I gained it all back in wisdom for sure.
I know now what my gut is saying and what my goodist part is saying.

It took me going through a lot of pain but in the end im stronger than I have ever been. Im a lot more knowledgable.

If I could go back and change anything I wouldnt cause then I wouldn't know what I do now. I'm a survivor and so are you. Im so glad you made it through that tight spot and I know your a better person now cause of it. I couldn't shake what happened to me for a long time and I contribute all that worry to the initial onset of the tms pain I had but now I know How to heal my body with my mind and thats priceless. I understand the law of attraction more. I understand all books of wisdom more. It was an uh-huh moment that i'll never forget when it clicked. Priceless.

I know when my mind is telling me wrong thoughts and I can see clearly now, so the last time I messed up I grew up a lot more. You can knock a person down but its up to0 that person if your going to keep em down. Im glad your here and standing strong, you've brought a smile to my face more than once and your going in a super direction. Go get em tiger
Bless you

 

[nowtimecoach]

Thank you guys! Things are already starting to move in a kinder direction. I was able to feel some compassion for my "friend." She is in a lot of denial. And that is certainly something I understand!! ha-ha It doesn't mean I have to hang out with her anymore but at least I'm not holding on to any anger. Doesn't serve me. Well actually, it kind of does because it reminds me, when I start to let my guard down, that this person isn't really someone I should do that with. If I remember the ouchiness of the situation, I'm less likely to "roll over."