Day 31 day 31

[Kim Mc]

Hi all-
For the day 31 journaling, the program suggests that I write on a current stressor. Since starting the program I have faced a few physical fears regarding exercise and have experimented with the treadmill and stationary bike that have been sitting in my basement unused for the past 7 years or so. For the past 3 days, since I really started enjoying these two activities in some gradually longer spurts and even stretching on the ground afterward, I have had an aching pain in the upper/mid left side of my back unlike any I have had before. In my mind I keep thinking, "I think that's where my kidney is." I have no doubt that this is the symptom imperative at work. It's too much of a coincidence that such a prominent, unrelated symptom would show itself precisely at the time I am moving forward---literally. BTW the 1st day I really walked at a nice pace, I turned my iPod on shuffle and the song "Walk" was playing---"Learning to walk again....." I took this to be one of those treasured signs from the Universe. I know this new pain is my unconscious just messing with me and yet some old fear is rearing its head. I can feel that just by attaching the notion an organ to the pain instead of just the thought of a sore muscle, fuels the fear, and as a result, fuels the pain. That old fear also sets in motion a series of old behaviors--defensiveness, which leads to condescension and criticism of those around me in an effort to grasp for security when I feel like I'm losing control. I've learned through this program that the more I ignore this pain and go about my business the quicker it will fade into the background. I guess I'll just consider this really good practice. Maybe that's exactly what I'm supposed to have on day 31.
Thanks so much for listening.

 

[Ellen]

Congratulations on your progress, Kim! Sounds like you are continuing to do great work.

Isn't it wonderful when the universe gives us a sign.....I treasure those moments also.

 

[Kim Mc]

Thanks so much for your response Ellen. I really appreciate the support. I hope you are well.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Yes the universe gave you a sign. You are making good progress. Don't study if the body is hurt now cause you will start to have a symptom imperative or two -- just ignore them and feed them no attention and soon they will leave. Your doing super, bless you

 

[Kim Mc]

I'm so glad to hear you think that's what's going on. I know that same thing and yet it's nagging me enough to really keep my attention. I guess that's the point, right-my unconscious seems to be fighting so hard to keep it's job. Eckhart Tolle often refers to the Painbody. Is this the same thing as my unconscious? Thanks so much for your support.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Yes the painbody by Tolle will fight you -- yes, that's what's happening just stay in the now and float. Look at my new Claire Weekes thread if you wish about floating but floating is basically like Eckharts in the now and loosing the pain body right. Your doing great.

 

[Kim Mc]

Floating sounds good right now Where do I find that thread? thanks so much

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Claire Weekes:
Float Through Anxiety
What did Claire Weekes mean by that? Here's how I understand it.
How Do You Swim?
It's complicated. You have to coordinate the movement of your arms, legs, and head to propel yourself through the water. You also have to breathe without taking in large quantities of water. And you have to keep going in the right direction, even when water gets in your eyes.
If you're like most people, it took a lot of practice to learn to swim, because there are so many things you have to make happen, and so many techniques to master.
How Do You Float?
You don't really have to learn to float. A block of wood can float, and so can a person. What you might have to learn is how to not get in your own way, how to simply let floating happen.
The block of wood doesn't have to make it happen, it just floats, as long as it's in water. People will float too, if they just lay down on the water.
But people, unlike blocks of wood, often find it hard to let go and trust in their body's natural ability to float. Their mistrust and apprehension will lead them to "do things" to try and stay afloat.
That's not floating, that's sinking! To teach someone to float, you might have to give them a few instructions - lay back, lay your head on the water, lay your arms and legs out, lie still - but the most important part of the "technique" of floating is...do nothing, let go, and let time pass.
Float versus Swim
When anxious clients come to me for help in dealing with anxiety, they usually expect that I will offer them the swimming kind of help: lots of specific ways for coping with anxiety, and many techniques to keep them "afloat".
But what they really need is more the floating kind of help. They need to learn to let go, rather than to make something happen, or prevent something from happening. That's the surest path to anxiety relief.
What did Claire Weekes Mean by "Floating"?
First and foremost, she meant to convey the opposite of fighting. The way to regain a sense of calm is to go along with the sensations of anxiety and panic, rather than oppose them.
She described floating as "masterly inactivity", and said this meant:
to stop holding tensely onto yourself, trying to control your fear, trying 'to do something about it' while subjecting yourself to constant self-analysis.
That's a tough sell! Claire Weekes knew that, of course, and wrote:
The average person, tense with battling, has an innate aversion to ...letting go. He vaguely thinks that were he to do this, he would lose control over the last vestige of his will power and his house of cards would tumble.
Claire Weekes Knew it was a Trick
The aversion Claire Weekes referred to is the result of the Panic Trick. It's the idea that a person is just barely holding himself together, and that if he relaxes his grip even a little, he will fall apart. In fact, it's his struggling to keep a grip that maintains the anxiety!
What I like best about the notion of floating is that it avoids two common misunderstandings about overcoming anxiety. The first one is the idea that you have to struggle against anxiety, fight it, and overcome it. And the second, related to the first, is that you have to arm yourself with all kinds of techniques and objects in order to enter the fray and confront anxiety.
In reality, you'll make much better progress when you let yourself float through the anxiety, not striving to overcome anything, not struggling to employ techniques, but simply allowing the sensations to pass over time.
The best kind of help, in my opinion, is the floating kind. It's help that assists you to rediscover your own natural abilities to cope with whatever comes, rather than arming you against potential adversity.

 

[Kim Mc]

Good morning-well the back pain is gone today and the knees are back. As the article on day 32 says about the Painbody, at least I can be reassured by the shifting and traveling of the symptoms, that it is indeed TMS. Thank you for sharing that post about floating. Just before I read it, after some meditation time, I wrote this in my journal-"Grasping for security, control. Fear is grasping, grasping is judgement and unforgiveness. Letting go is pure unconditional love. Living with Him in the middle without judgement is forgiveness. Everything good is in that vast open space with Him. The more uncertain I am the more certain I feel. When I let go, my unconscious mind and immune system will know." Maybe this was my floating. It's so interesting how things often feel so connected and synchronistic when I am trying not to control. It makes me feel so supported. I guess maybe thats love I'm feeling and know that is what ultimately heals. Thank you for the all of the incredibly useful tools and the continued support.

 

[Kim Mc]

okay-I can only share this with you all as anyone else on the planet would think I was insane. I stood up from posting and doing some reading and the usual full feeling I get in my knees, that was back this morning, had sort of faded and it felt easier to walk but the same back pain I had yesterday is back in full force. I have been experiencing things like this for years but could never explain it to anyone. I feel so blessed to be able to share this with people that understand. Thank you again for listening and have a great day.

 

[Eric "Herbie" Watson]

Awesome, thanks for sharing. Keep us up-dated. Your doing great