Day 31

[Alyssa5]

Todays material resonates a lot with me because I am a mother of two kids (2 year old and 6 year old); the pressures of being a mother, wife and a full time employee are definitely contributing to my symptoms. Sometimes I wish that I lived in the "leave it to beaver" times where a woman's responsibility was just to take care of the home and the children.

Modern women feel the pressure of being successful in several aspects of their lives (being a great mother, wife and still being a productive career woman). We look down upon women who just want to stay home and take care of the kids. Our culture/ society expects women to be able to do it all! We all can't be Martha Stewarts. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the expectations that I should fulfill. I come home from a long day at work and then have to take of my kids. I don't really have time to myself and if I do I feel guilty about it or my husband sometimes throws it in my face. Having one child was hard enough then my daughter came and it is much harder. Add chronic pain on top of that! I often think how our parents did it with several kids (my mom had 4, my grandmother had 12, my neighbor had 22 kids). Were these women crazy? How do you have time for yourself when you have all these kids? I guess some people are happy with several children. We hear stories of women CEO's saying that they could have it all (motherhood and career) but could todays modern woman really have it all without being ill or resentful?

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Alyssa. You have your hands full, but not all women were they showed on television with Leave it to Beaver.

My mother always worked and had three kids besides. She ironed shirts in a Chinese hand laundry, then peeled potatoes at Campbell Soup, then a telephone operator. She had migraines and lots of distress because our father worked but didn't earn enough to pay the bills.

My next door neighbor is a stay at home Mom of two kids. Her husband is a well-paid executive, but her life is like she is chained to the house and being a chauffeur to the kids going to sports, etc. I don't know which would be worse for women today. I marvel at how they handle it all. No wonder you are in pain. I think the woman who had 22 kids should have locked her husband out of the house at least after the first three.

Our grandmothers had many kids because they died young back then.

You are luckier than a lot of women. You know about TMS and techniques for relieving emotional pain, such as probably the most important...
deep breathing and living in the present moment.

 

[Alyssa5]

I admire women who are able to handle it all.. I honestly look up to them.

Being a stay at home mom is something that I have thought about but it seems to be much more stressful than going to work outside the home. Bless stay at home moms because they are angels in my book.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Alyssa5,

I think you have compassion for yourself, and that you also have a lot of resentment and anger about your situation.

Both of these feelings may be hiding from you a little, hiding in a sort of grey area of resentment and victomhood. That is where I tend to stay, to avoid my real anger about things sometimes. I stay in low-grade resentment, rather than feel and express the real clarity in whatever emotions want to be felt and seen. When I can get angry, and allow it, then the compassion comes easier...

I hope both the crisp anger and the understanding that life is not easy for you right now, and you don't know what to do about it ==both of these experiences can live with more clarity in you. You summarize the binds that you feel in life so clearly.

Andy B.

 

[JacketSpud]

I am a stay at home mother. I gave up a fantastic career to do so, and it's not one I can get back into easily. If you can make it happen, then don't worry about what others think - go for it! I'm not saying it's always ideal. I miss feeling respected and useful, but I love watching my kids grow up. I hate that when I introduce myself at social events and people as what my job is I can no longer give a fascinating answer - I know people are looking down on my answer of mother (though I suspect some are possibly a little jealous too, because some part of them would. like to be home with their kids but don't).

If you don't want to stay at home, that's great too - just make the choice that works for you - not what society expects from you.

And even though I don't know you at all, I can tell you are doing the best you can for your family and your AWESOME xxxxxxx