Day 3 - Journal - TMS Lists

[Freedom]

Past Traumatic Events/Stress List:

1. In Middle School at a private school I used to have some students find me when I was alone and threaten me. Felt helpless/weak I suppose
2. In High School in one of my classes I used to say silly stuff and one of the students pointed this out, which made me think my natural state without filter is to say stupid things instead of cool things
3. I don't feel that my parents favored anyone else over me, although I do feel envious of my sister who went to medical school while I am still not technically skilled in my particular field
4. (Can't remember if this is accurate or not but I think I remember it happening) When I was around 6 my parents said something along the lines of "why can't you be more like your friend so and so"
5. This same friend stopped hanging out with me at some point and started hanging out with a different kid instead, I thought they were better than me somehow. When I'd hang out with friends of mine I would occassionally wonder "why are they friends with me" but not actually come up with an answer.

It's quite crazy how early in life some of this stuff happened, I forgot about these things.

-Andrew

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Andrew. You had some strong doses of low self-esteem growing up. I wouldn't let them get to you. Your sister may have achieved what she wanted, but so can you.

My father used to put me down in front of his guy friends. I never understood why. I guess I went to college and became a successful journalist and author in spite of any doubts he put in my head. He may have been a subconscious spur for me to prove I was not a loser.

I suggest you focus now on your own achievements, small or large. Don't judge yourself against anyone else's accomplishments. They may not be as great as you think.