Day 25

[Jux]

It's been suggested that I post an update about how I'm doing so far in the program and any apprehensions I might have so.....On a positive note, I feel like the journal work is helping me dive into repressed anger, anxieties, fears, and resentments, which can only be good for my spiritual and emotional health. Physically though, I haven't noticed a change. I can't help but wondering if there's something I'm missing. The trouble is that I don't really have flare ups or physical indicators that there is something emotional that I'm not addressing. My symptoms are pretty much always the same. My lower back, elbows, and knees feel sore(inflamed, bad, painful, whatever description). I recite the affirmations in HBP every day and constantly remind myself that I'm dealing with TMS, not a physical structural issue. I try to relate my daily stiffness(pain) to the emotional issues, which for me are definitely anger and anxiety(which have subsided a bit, yay!), yet the pain is still there. I haven't stopped any of my activities(skateboarding, disc golf, running, walking ect…). I guess I would've expected some relief by now and it is a bit frustrating that I've spent so much time and energy on this and haven't had any physical results yet. I'm very grateful that I can still do what I want activities-wise but I'd love to be able to do it without pain and anxiety. I'm really trying to keep the faith and trust the process, but I catch myself worrying that this just isn't working for me. I feel like I've written a variation of the same thing every time I've posted in here, so does anybody have any suggestions on how I might do things differently? Or maybe there's something I'm just not grasping....Anyway, I'm glad there's so many success stories here, and good luck to the peeps that are just starting!

 

[Ariana]

Hi Jux. I don't have much in the way of suggestions for you, but just wanted to say that I really relate to how you're feeling, and I do believe this process can take a lot of TIME. I've been in severe widespread pain for around 8 years and working on mindbody approaches for almost a year and a half... and pain levels have barely changed. It gets frustrating and difficult to keep faith in the process, but I do believe we're on the right track. For some, working with repressed emotions may be the most important piece of the puzzle, and for others changing their relationship with pain and lessening fear will be more important. Have you used the Curable app? That can be a great compliment to this programme and has months worth of lessons, if you're looking for something more. It sounds to me like you're doing all the 'right' things!
Ariana