Day 25 S E P - Making great progress

[vanessa]

I am doing better and better with each day. I am very discplined and kind to myself at the same time. I wake up early and immediate start to meditate for 15 minutes. I listen to every youtube thing i can, on mind/body and self healing and self compassion. I also take care of what I need to do. If I am on a deadline, instead of tensing up, I breathe, and tell myself, i love deadlines, it makes me feel "in life." I really feel connected with my body. I no longer get frightened of the back pain. I simply check in with myself. I am reading The Great Pain Deception by Stever Ozanich and it's very dense and very helpful. There are so many other TMS issues I have had and still struggle with, one being "ruminating" or obcessive thoughts. I know this is done to distract myself. I have be trying to "re-parent myself as well and I constantly let myself know, that I won't leave, and you can have all your feelings and you come first. And not everyone is nice or kind, but that doesn't mean you can't always be nice and kind to yourself. I make myself move and do not listen to the pain. Its annoying when it lingers, but I do it anyway, and I just say, "I have nothing but compassion for myself and others" and it just goes away. It's like I am calming my nervous system. i also don't shame my body for not being perfect. I immediately tense. So if I don't like the way a pair of pants look, I immediately change them, or say nice things to myself when I change. I let myself eat what I want. I don't eat that much, but no "deprivation diets" no starving. And I also eat very healthily. But if I want chocolate and icecream, i let myself have a little. I don't by into the "binge head" However when I real "rejected" or "hurt" I immediately tense up, and want something, food, a drink, a cry. And try to just feel what rejection feels like and then comfort myself and say, I am not rejecting you. And it didn't work out with ex because he had addiction issues. He didn't reject you. His substance addiction was more important to him then even his own kids, so you "dodged a bullet." Or I know you feel nervous meeting new people and you tense up, so just let God lead the way. Just keep doing what you are doing. Don't feel you have to do anything, other than pray, meditate, and work. I am still not 100% pain free but I am about 85% and considering in May I couldn't even walk, I'm doing great. I hope this helps. V

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Vanessa. It's great to know you are feeling better each day.

I grew up in a family of alcoholics, and those close to it who drank too much. They all drank to drown their sorrows.
But they never drowned them, they just got themselves sick and made everyone around them unhappy.

I know what you mean about having obsessive thoughts. I worry most in bed when trying to get to sleep
or when I wake up and can't get back to sleep. I do some deep breathing and change my mind to thoughts that make me feel calm
and happy. That often takes a while. Then I just think, Hey, you're not alone. A lot of other people can't sleep tonight because their mind is racing in nineteen directions at the same time. Knowing I'm not alone seems to help.

You're right that it's important to pray, meditate, and work. I do all three.

And it's okay to indulge yourself sometimes and go off-diet with something you enjoy. If you crave chocolate, maybe eat dark chocolate which is healthy.

I love YouTube videos. I recently discovered the wisdom of J.P. Sears. He has lots of good ones on relaxation and other TMS healing topics.

 

[vanessa]

Yes, I youtube many of those. Thank you.

 

[Boston Redsox]

Good for you Vanessa ...in your progress I am still trying to find my way my biggest accomplishment is that I stopped my meds. I am also on day 25 I find cluster writing very confusing not a very helpful excersie for me