Saoirse
Peer Supporter
I think for me I havent avoided any part of the program as I am very driven in a box ticking way , if something has to be done a certain way I throw myself into it wholeheartedly, thats kind of the point of a TMS personality type. But I do know the emotions I avoid is anger and indulge is self criticism and judgment . The event I am most definatly avoiding is my Mammy's death 3 years ago , I had a tough emotional and physical time in Childhood in my home and bullying by kids I had a strong Scots accent when I moved to Ireland at 4 and nobody understood a word a said so different was a target. My Mammy and I were very close and I thought I had no issues with the events of childhood understanding her own mental problems and pressures at the time but when she died a lot has come up. But when she dies we were so close and were firm friends and I was devastated for 3 days and was loosing my grip with family drama over material stuff that I just woke up honest to God and felt nothing on day 4 , I was shocked I was calm and very removed from everything it felt great. But I soon realized I never really thought of her at all and when I did it was immediately shut down and I just left all that somewhere locked in my heart. I developed a pain in my chest like a blockage of pain and pressure and tightness and after investigations was told it was a "grief spot" and it was anxiety and loss but my head did not feel it so much. Now I am working slowly on thinking about my Mam , the good times for short periods and I put some pictures of us up and I will talk for a few moments of her in public. Its very had and not feeling felt easier but it really was not. My pain doubled and is constant and my anxiety is 24/7 my system can take the emotional repression and is giving me all the signals. The start is to know what your avoiding the work ids to try and address it.
