Day 20

[Alyssa5]

Since I could remember I have suffered from some pain condition (migraines, knee pains, back pain, menstrual pain, stomach issues) but having children took my health over the edge. When I was pregnant, I had so many symptoms listed in the book "what to expect when you're expecting"; i felt as though my body was breaking down, the pregnancy just put my body over the edge (trust me, I was counting down the days for it to be over). I ask myself what if I never had children, would I not have developed chronic pain? I love my children, but they are a lot of work.

Before I had kids, my life revolved around myself. I used to get up on the weekends at whatever time I wanted, I had time to myself, leave the house when I wanted, go out with my friends without a care in the world. My life changed after my children were born. I no longer am able to sleep in on the weekends because my kids are hungry and I need to make them something, I can't just leave the house, I have to get them ready to leave or secure day care if I want to go alone to do an errand, shopping with two kids is a nightmare (I did that today). I often miss my old life of how things were. My co-workers are able to go for happy hour after work but I have to hurry home because my mother in law (babysitter) is tired and I have to go home and relieve her. I no longer have me time, my free time revolves around my children.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Alyssa5,
This is a powerful thing to see, and allow: the inner resentment and pressure that parts of you experience related to children and their care. Probably there is Inner Critic activity and guilt associated with these feelings as well? So perhaps you can see a lot of evidence for why there is pain...the psychological basis.
Andy B.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Alyssa. I didn't marry and don't have children, so I am not one to offer suggestions on dealing with children in your life and how it has changed it.
But I think you need to focus more on the joys of being a mother. Those co-workers who do not have children to come home to may very well wish they did. The young years with children can be a lot of work, but they also do not last forever. When then grow up they may be a great comfort.

My next-door neighbor is a wife whose husband is at work a lot, so rearing the two young kids and keeping the big house is her work. I marvel at how she does it all, and doubt she has much time for herself. She and you are typical of mothers today whose lives seem to revolve around their children. Not an easy job, but don't feel guilty or angry at yourself for having those feelings. Try to get beyond them with motherly love.