Day 2

Day 2 brought up a lot for me. I wrote about anger and sadness, and what stood out is how much of it is existential: the fact that life ends, that things are no longer as simple as when we were kids, the weight of responsibility, loved ones getting older, and the limits I sometimes place on myself.

What feels different today is my relationship to my symptoms. The anxiety and panic are still unpleasant and at times overwhelming, but I notice I can observe them a bit more from a distance. They feel less like a personal failure and more like something that belongs to my sensitive nervous system.

I’m also starting to see that this current flare doesn’t necessarily mean things will stay bad. I had a long period where I was doing relatively well, and during that time I stopped actively engaging with the principles that helped me recover. Coming back to this program feels more like a reminder than starting from scratch.

One honest question I’m sitting with: how do you find the balance between engaging with the TMS work and not turning it into another form of control over symptoms or life in general? I sometimes struggle with knowing when to fully allow and feel emotions, and when it’s okay to gently shift attention and live my day. I’d be curious how others navigate that balance.

 

Are you Dutch by any chance??

Great question. I struggle with this too. I personally try to be aware of the feelings in my body. I observe them without judgement, and I'll do that for however long i may please. When i start thinking too much I try to steer away. This will get more natural as you get to know yourself better.