It all started simply enough . . . I was happy, just returned from a great trip to Cali, going for a bike ride with my husband, he told me some good news and I said, "Give me a high 5!" OUCCHHH!!!! "Gosh, you don't know your own strength," I said. My shoulder continued to hurt throughout the bike ride. It still hurt later that day and the next. It seems that the high 5 had torn a tendon in my shoulder - not a major problem, just have to not use it and let it heal. Three weeks later, it felt 80% better - but, during that time I was angry at my husband: "You're my HUSBAND, you're supposed to PROTECT ME," I'd say. This thought went round and round in my mind and the pain spread. My elbows, my knees, my feet. My feet got worse and worse, til it scared me to walk because I didn't want to further damage myself. The doctors' appointments began . . .
I've now been in pain for over 3 months straight. I obsess about pain, how to avoid pain, how to heal from pain, how to prevent pain, and on and on . . . My life focuses on pain and I give up activities that make me feel good. "It's no fun to go when I know I'll just be in pain," I say.
Cutting to the chase . . . many doctors appointments later, I am terrified by the foot specialist who tells me he can "offer surgery." "I don't think anything else will solve your issue," he says. It is very difficult to get any answers out of him. I talk him into PT. The PT tells me to keep my foot wrapped, don't do anything that will hurt me, keep icing to get rid of the supposedly inflamed tendons . . . etc. . . .
My primary doc is great - gets specialists' records (they wouldn't give them to me), I discover the expert lied (I have MILD tendonitis according to the MRI report, NOT the severe condition the specialist made me think I have and hardly worth the risks of surgery), all tests have come back negative for any terrible diseases, blood work shows NO bodily inflammation - "You're fine!" he says. "I've been in pain for over 3 months," I say. "What can I do?" He discusses the possibility of a psychosomatic disorder and I say, "I find that invalidating." He promises me he believes that I have genuine pain, but thinks my stress, re-triggering of trauma, etc., points to a emotional reasons for my pain. I am happy and hopeful, but my pain continues . . .
Here I am, Day 1. I want to believe the diagnosis, but it is difficult. I cry when I tell my husband, "I have to BELIEVE the diagnosis for this to work." Maybe the "mild tendonitis" is the cause of my foot pain. Maybe I have other health issues. OK, I sort of accept it; but, no it has not truly sunk in, I don't fully believe it. But, I try . . . I'm reading, educating myself, trying to feel my emotions (whatever that means), talking back to my brain. I am patient . . . I will give this time to sink in. And, I'm hopeful . . . when it sinks in maybe I won't have these stupid pains any longer.
I've now been in pain for over 3 months straight. I obsess about pain, how to avoid pain, how to heal from pain, how to prevent pain, and on and on . . . My life focuses on pain and I give up activities that make me feel good. "It's no fun to go when I know I'll just be in pain," I say.
Cutting to the chase . . . many doctors appointments later, I am terrified by the foot specialist who tells me he can "offer surgery." "I don't think anything else will solve your issue," he says. It is very difficult to get any answers out of him. I talk him into PT. The PT tells me to keep my foot wrapped, don't do anything that will hurt me, keep icing to get rid of the supposedly inflamed tendons . . . etc. . . .
My primary doc is great - gets specialists' records (they wouldn't give them to me), I discover the expert lied (I have MILD tendonitis according to the MRI report, NOT the severe condition the specialist made me think I have and hardly worth the risks of surgery), all tests have come back negative for any terrible diseases, blood work shows NO bodily inflammation - "You're fine!" he says. "I've been in pain for over 3 months," I say. "What can I do?" He discusses the possibility of a psychosomatic disorder and I say, "I find that invalidating." He promises me he believes that I have genuine pain, but thinks my stress, re-triggering of trauma, etc., points to a emotional reasons for my pain. I am happy and hopeful, but my pain continues . . .
Here I am, Day 1. I want to believe the diagnosis, but it is difficult. I cry when I tell my husband, "I have to BELIEVE the diagnosis for this to work." Maybe the "mild tendonitis" is the cause of my foot pain. Maybe I have other health issues. OK, I sort of accept it; but, no it has not truly sunk in, I don't fully believe it. But, I try . . . I'm reading, educating myself, trying to feel my emotions (whatever that means), talking back to my brain. I am patient . . . I will give this time to sink in. And, I'm hopeful . . . when it sinks in maybe I won't have these stupid pains any longer.
