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Day 1

P

Pandagirl

Peer Supporter
Ok, so here I am after 22 months of unexplained neurological symptoms, I have nowhere else to turn except to pursue that what I am dealing with is part of a MBS.

While I was pregnant with my daughter, two years ago, I lost a couple of family members to sudden illness and started to experience some severe anxiety about my own health. I gave birth to a healthy baby girl, but shortly after I started to experience full body pain, constant headaches and bizarre neurological symptoms. I was referred to a neurologist who ruled out lupus, RA and many other things via blood work, with the exception of severely low vitamin D. I was also given a brain and cervical spine MRI to test for Multiple Sclerosis, which came back clear. After 8 weeks on RX vitamin D supplements the full body pain subsided, but I continued to have the strange neurological issues.

For the past 22 months I have had vibrating, buzzing, throbbing, pins and needles, tingling, electrical shocks, electrical current and creepy-crawly sensations in my left leg starting in my hip. The focal point seems to be my left hip, however sometimes the sensations radiate upward on the left side of my spine and into my left arm. I also have quite a bit of muscle twitching, however it doesn't bother me near as much as some of the other symptoms. As long as I am physically active, these things bother me less, however they are still present.

Some things come and go, but the pain/vibrating in my left hip is with me 24/7 and will sometimes wake me from sleep. I haven't slept for more than 4 hours at night in more than 6 months. So many days I feel like I am being physically and emotionally tortured and it feels unbearable. I push through each day so that I can be here for my daughter and husband, but it is so exhausting to live this way. I've gone through 7 months of psychotherapy and uncovered some of my core fears and anxiety, however the physical symptoms continue.

I'm not entirely convinced that this is where I belong, but I am at my wit's end and have no other options to pursue. With my childhood background, it is entirely possible that TMS is to blame, but again it is difficult to believe that your mind can cause such immense physical discomfort.

Thanks for listening! I'm looking forward to learning as much as I can from this site/forum!
 
If they have ruled so many other things out, then TMS/MBS is very likely to blame. The mind can cause incapacitating symptoms to keep us distracted from our repressed emotions. When my neurological stuff started and I went to a neurologist, he even told me and wrote in my chart that anxiety could be the cause of my symptoms. The connection between the onset of your symptoms and the emotional stuff going on in your life sounds to me like the perfect recipe for MBS. I totally feel your pain and frustration. I, too, have been suffering for so long. I have basically had a constant headache for 18 1/2 years and anxiety problems for 22 years. Traditional psychotherapy didn't touch on MBS for me and I have tried more therapies than I can say. I only found Dr. Sarno back in February, but things are shifting for me, and that only confirms that I am on the right track. That is the way TMS/MBS works. It wants to keep us focused on the physical at any cost. Just keep reading the books and the success stories. And if you want to try the SEP or Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain, you have nothing to lose but your pain and anxiety.

Don't give up. There is hope here! :)
 
Thank you honeybear! Wow, I had a headache for 5 1/2 months after my daughter was born and it was miserable. As soon as I had a CT scan and MRI that showed nothing abnormal the headache went away. I remember thinking that I would never be the same person again if I had to deal with the headache for the rest of my life.

I'm really trying hard to focus on the psychological issues and uncover what is really going on. After those deaths in my family I developed severe health anxiety, which I've worked through with my therapist. Interesting that you say traditional therapy didn't touch on MBS for you. I feel the same way, I've dealt with the underlying issues of why I had some really strong fears, but some of the most troubling of symptoms have stuck around for way too long!

I've read 2 Sarno books and started the SEP. I should probably reread the books again while I'm laying awake every night sleepless! :)

Thanks again for your post! I won't give up!!!
 
Hi Pandagirl, and welcome to our community! Everything Honeybear said is right on. I'll add my own life experience, which is that I've had high anxiety all my life, and I knew at a very young age (like 10) that I could make myself sick with anxiety. Every time I saw a doctor I was relieved to hear that my symptom (whatever it was at the time) was due to anxiety or stress, and that symptom would go away, only to be replaced by something else. This went on for decades.

At age 60 my various symptoms really ramped up after a bike crash, divorce, ailing elderly mother, and moving. I had pain symptoms, digestive symptoms, neuro symptoms, chronic dizziness/foggy-head, and I was starting to have panic attacks and depression. I was also spending a fortune on chiro, PT, and an expensive MD who did cranial-sacral work, I was wearing only my sturdiest shoes, starting to delete various foods from my diet, and I was afraid to knit, bead, or get a smart phone because I thought all those things were bad for my neck and the dizziness.

After reading my first book by Dr. Sarno, I had immediate relief of many of my symptoms, and even the dizziness was hugely relieved after I did the Structured Ed Program and accessed a number of other resources. It was like a miracle. I now see a personal trainer instead of all those health professionals, I knit and I bead and I am totally addicted to my smart phone. And I eat whatever I want.

Am I 100% symptom-free? I wish! I think that once you're a TMSer, you're always a TMSer, and it's what I used to call a constant battle, but now I think of it as a life-long journey. But I have more days when I don't even think about the symptoms, and when I do feel something, it's usually not that hard to say "oh, that's just TMS - ignore it!". The thing is that my relationship with the symptoms, especially the anxiety, is totally different now. I also firmly believe that TMS knowledge can translate into personal power over your health in many ways, such as boosting the immune system.

In terms of therapy that is specific to TMS, I suggest that you read posts by some of my favorite practitioners: Alan Gordon, Peter Zafirides (especially the link to his podcast about Existential Psychotherapy), Derek Sapico, and also author Steve Ozanich. You can find their posts either in the Practitioners' Forum, or by clicking on our search box, and entering a name into the "posted by member" box.

Congratulations on finding this great resource, keep posting, and tell us how you're doing!

Jan
 
Curious how you are doing? I have many of the same symptoms but I was diagnosed with benign fasciculation syndrome, I think it is all part of TMS though. Hope you are well!
 
Hi, Pandagirl. Yes, it is not easy to believe 100 percent in TMS, but it's essential to healing. MRIs and other tests can report that we have structural problems, but oftentimes those really do not cause pain. The pain comes because our subconscious wants us to discover and deal with repressed emotions or a perfectionist and "goodist" personality.

It could help you to go back to the basics of Dr. Sarno in his book HEALING BACK PAIN. He lists 12 Daily Reminders about how to understand and deal with TMS. One of our community, Herbie, wrote an extended version that I like very much:

Herbie’s Extended Version of Dr. Sarno’s 12 DAILY REMINDERS

  1. The pain is due to TMS. This is real pain or anxiety but its caused by subconscious tensions and triggers, stressors and traits to your reactions and fears and also when at boiling point your conscious tension can and does cause real pain too.
  2. The main reason for the pain is mild oxygen deprivation. This means that when you get in pain or in anxiety then the the blood is restricted from going to your lower back for instance. The blood being restricted causes oxygen deprivation which causes the pain - remember, where theirs no oxygen then there is pain in the body. Also, The pain stays because of fear and focus to physical organic symptoms and repressions.
  3. TMS is a harmless condition caused by my REPRESSED EMOTIONS so even though you think you can harm yourself from the years of pain you have felt and how you feel in general -- so far no reports have been heard from tms healing knowledge causing damage to anyone, it only helps.
  4. The principle emotion is your repressed ANGER -- this means under your consciousness lies something that happens automatically to everyone. Tmsers have repressions that are stored because of our personality traits,traumas, stressors, fears, strain, etc... When these stored repressions build and build then eventually they cause the brain to send pain into your body to keep you from having an emotional crises. The mind-body thinks its helping you.
  5. TMS exists to DISTRACT your attentions from the emotions, stressors, tensions and strains of your personality traits because if you can get distraction then you wont have to be in emotional turmoil. When you don't face and feel your emotions and they get repressed cause you didn't want to deal with something -- they are just adding up in this beaker, ready to pour over and create real pain and anxiety in your body.
  6. Since my body is perfectly normal, there is nothing to fear. So in reality when I fear the pain or anxiety I just cause myself undo strain and tension adding to the beaker of pain. If I fear then I feed the pain, If I fear Its impossible to recondition. Fear keeps the pain and anxiety alive in the body through focus.
  7. Therefore, physical activity is harmless.If I want to work against the pain I could but its better to lose some of the pain so when I start my life over I=t have to be in pain trying to heal cause facing the repressions and all the other activities that cause the pain and reversing my fear and focus to them then I can heal.
  8. I am resuming all normal physical activity. I don't fear moving anymore. I believe in my bodies ability to heal now. I can move how I want. I will not fear moving with a bent back anymore. I will also practice going out and acting normal again, not in fear of what pain might do to me.
  9. The pain is unimportant and powerless. Its only power is how its hidden -- its illusion, Its fear.
  10. I will keep my attention on the emotional issues. I will think about my emotions and feel my emotions throughout the day. I will not judge, criticize or fear my emotions. I will not run from my emotional issues but face everyone of them. I will feel my emotions fully and cry if I need to. Then I will release the emotion and get my mind and thoughts back to my life and living in the present, in flow.
  11. I am in control of all of this. This is how I recover.
  12. I will be thinking PSYCHOLOGICALLY AT ALL TIMES. This means I will keep my thoughts on psychological issues like happiness, fear and anger -- traits and triggers, conditioning and journaling. The science behind mind-body/tms healing, etc.... This way I will not feed my thoughts to the body -- that is a trick of tms. Tms will always try to get me to focus on the body caused by the pain until I break its show and flair. When I get my attention off psychical symptoms and on emotional issues and psychological issues then I will not feed the fear of the physical issues anymore thus making the tms of no effect. This will in return, give us the cure.
 
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