Day 1

Hello TMS community!
I accept this diagnosis. It would be 100% if I did not have a deformed right foot (I am walking on my navicular/ankle bone which has caused a hallux valgar/bunion - literally like walking on two left feet)!
Anyway, that is where my TMS story begins, with walking causing pain. Later it spread to knee, hip, low back, shoulder, OOS/RSI in my wrists. At 34, 20 years ago, I was bedridden for 5 years with toxic mould poisoning. Since then I have been managing my life within a 4 hour window of energy, which has meant leaving my career & university post graduate course & no longer driving.
Most recently, the past 6 months I have had sciatica down my left leg & the same on my left shoulder causing pain, numbness & tingling down my left arm.
I have not had a normal nights sleep (without Rx) in 20-30 years, along with all the other multi-systemic symptoms which go with Myalgic Encephalomylitis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Postural Orthostatic Tachychardia & Reynaurd's Syndrome.
Being on a low income without financial support the past 20 years has meant I have not spent a lot of money on the many different things available for recovering from M.E, such as hormone testing, gut healing, infra-red saunas, colon cleansing, Naturopath's/Functional Doctors etc. But I have very much wanted to! I have been motivated to heal the whole time & consequently have done extensive research & implemented what I could from that myself, such as Paleo diet, walking in sunlight in the morning, hydrating & sleep hygiene.
To know I have caused most of these physical ailments myself from unprocessed or unresolved emotions/trauma does not surprise me. After over 30 years of psychotherapy, I only found EMDR & 12 step recovery helpful with a 10+/10 Adverse Childhood Experiences & a lot of adult trauma (5 car accidents, rape, first on a murder scene, abusive relationships etc).
I feel hopeful that I can heal now, which for me personally will mean drawing closer to God & giving Him my burdens instead of abandoning myself in food/TV addiction. This is the most exciting thing for me, strengthening my relationship with Him, even if that means starting with some angry conversations asking Him where He was in all the abuse & asking how I can trust Him now. My mind trusts Him & now I am ready to integrate that trust into my heart, body & brain. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, fellow traveller! Peace be with you.

 

Welcome to the community! This has been a big help to me when I have questions or just need some encouragement. SEP has some wonderful journaling prompts as you get into it!

 

Hi, @ZGG712
Welcome! You are a brave soul. I’m sorry to hear of all the suffering you’ve been through. But I was very happy to hear you trust God. He will get you through— that’s what I believe too. ❤️

I ran into this song today accidentally and it brought me to tears. I feel like it’s summarizes what I’ve been through and I can only imagine what you’ve been through. I felt the strongest urge to share it with somebody— And I opened the forum and saw your post. So maybe you are the one. God bless you!

 

@ZGG712
Welcome!
You have been through a lot, but you have some wonderful insights.
I must say, that at first glance, all that has happened to you fits very much into Dr. Sarno's ideas of repressed rage. It must REALLY really make someone angry who has been through the ringer like you have, not just with your physical symptoms but the stressful situations you have found yourself in.
Rebecca Tolin was my TMS coach for a short time, she has fully healed from ME and it was triggered by a sexual assault. Here is her story, I hope you find some peace in the idea that you can absolutely heal from this:


And if you appreciate a more spiritual side of TMS healing, Jen Jones has a wonderful youtube channel called Thought By Thought healing where she sometimes explores that side of her own personal brand of TMS coaching.

 

Thank you so much for your understanding & kindness to me Diana! I really appreciate it!

 

Thank you for your understanding & kindness to me Cactusflower! Yes I have heard of Rebecca Tolin before & it was through Jen Johnson's interview on YouTube with the founder of this site - Rob, that I ended up here! I'm so grateful for this free resource & for you reminding me that M.E can be healed this way!