Day 1. The Journey begins

M

MrsJenks

Newcomer
I am now 60 years young, but have experienced chronic fatique, chronic pain and emotional turmoil since the age of 18. I have totally exhausted every avenue of support, there is nothing I haven't tried, no medical tests I haven't undertaken. I am at the point where not only am I bored and fed up with how I feel so is my husband and my family.

Having reading Healing Back Pain everything is now falling into place. I do not have a medical condition I have a wrongly wired brain. Now I need some help and support to re-wire, to reconnect with myself in healthy way and re-connect with my family, friends and the wider world from a healthier viewpoint other than through the foggy lens of the emotional and physical pain, anxiety, depression, fibromyalgia, palpitations, panic attacks et etc etc boring boring boring that has dogged my whole adult life. Maybe that's the key 'adult' I don't think I was ready to be an adult.

At 18 I became a first time mum and felt isolated and unsupported. My whole family has disintegrated after my parents divorce when I was 13, I don't believe this is where it all started for me, I believe that came much further back in my life when I found I couldn't trust my mum to be kind to me because she was too busy being hateful, my dad although a kindly gentleman was weak and did anything for an easy life so allowed her to be a bully. As children me and my siblings were unable to control our environment, that was up to the giants (adults) who looked after us, I use the word looked after because emotional and physical care never came into it.

My father passed away 2 years ago and this has left a huge whole in my life, now all I have is my mum (still seeing the world through the eyes of my unloved child) as I have my own family, husband, children, grandchildren. Time now to release the chains of my past, let them loose, be free to live out my life in a way that is uplifting and supportive of who I wish to be now, not who I was then. I feel about 4 years old.
 
Welcome to the forum, @MrsJenks - I am so glad you found us.

I was also 60, in 2011, when I discovered Dr. Sarno and this forum, and did the SEP (feel free to read my profile story). I was able to discover that even though I had a nice childhood and loving parents, that I could nonetheless uncover and confront childhood experiences that contributed to lifelong anxiety and TMS symptoms. I also think that I absorbed the anxiety of my first-time older mother when she was pregnant with me, and certainly as she learned to care for me.

Every child born into this life has a legitimate expectation that they will be cherished and protected by their parents. No parents are perfect, but I was lucky enough to have that. When that expectation is not met, the inevitable result must be a lifetime of hugely negative repercussions for the emotional and physical health of the child, and of the grown adult.

My heart breaks for you, and for every child who was unloved by a parent. It's clear to me that if someone like me with a secure childhood can have TMS, the effect on someone without a secure childhood will be devastating.

One of the most powerful and healing experiences that many people (myself included) have reported while doing this work is to access the small child that you were so many years ago, and learn how to nurture that child in the way that your parents should have nurtured and protected you.

Finally, I also just said this to another brand new member starting out with the SEP, which is: you now need to love yourself enough to know that you deserve to recover.

We're here for you, so keep posting and keep us posted.

~Jan
 
JanAtheCPA said:
Welcome to the forum, @MrsJenks - I am so glad you found us.

I was also 60, in 2011, when I discovered Dr. Sarno and this forum, and did the SEP (feel free to read my profile story). I was able to discover that even though I had a nice childhood and loving parents, that I could nonetheless uncover and confront childhood experiences that contributed to lifelong anxiety and TMS symptoms. I also think that I absorbed the anxiety of my first-time older mother when she was pregnant with me, and certainly as she learned to care for me.

Every child born into this life has a legitimate expectation that they will be cherished and protected by their parents. No parents are perfect, but I was lucky enough to have that. When that expectation is not met, the inevitable result must be a lifetime of hugely negative repercussions for the emotional and physical health of the child, and of the grown adult.

My heart breaks for you, and for every child who was unloved by a parent. It's clear to me that if someone like me with a secure childhood can have TMS, the effect on someone without a secure childhood will be devastating.

One of the most powerful and healing experiences that many people (myself included) have reported while doing this work is to access the small child that you were so many years ago, and learn how to nurture that child in the way that your parents should have nurtured and protected you.

Finally, I also just said this to another brand new member starting out with the SEP, which is: you now need to love yourself enough to know that you deserve to recover.

We're here for you, so keep posting and keep us posted.

~Jan
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Thank you JanAtheCPA - one of the things I struggle with, that causes me to experience extreme stress is that I never felt heard as a child - your response has shown me that I have been heard - thank you so much ❤️
 
Hi there,
I really appreciate your story. I'm 61. I think there are quite a few of us who didn't have emotional support as kids.
My mother's idea was if we had food and clothing, then we were cared for. Her resentment of having children when she should have had a career was unfixable. She presented to the outside world like a nurturing mother, but she was unhappily jealous of any freedoms we had as children.
My father, too, was very very passive in her presence and also seemed to have no interest in having children to deal with.
We were never abandoned, mostly just treated like a bother.
My two older sisters demanded their attention through fits and illnesses. As the third daughter, I faded away and escaped whenever I could.

My TMS work has been so much about getting out from under the feeling that my thoughts don't matter, that I'm there to "serve the queen" if you will.
I'm happy that you found TMS work, @MrsJenks. This is a good group. You will be heard.
More people probably read the Support Forum or General Forum, if you want the feedback of people further along in the process. You might want to post there, as well.

Everything you have can be banished with TMS work. Many of us have made great strides and have success stories.

Peace to you on this Sunday afternoon.
 
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