White Flower PR
New Member
Hi. I am a 41 y/o physician (internal medicine specialist) (sorry about my English, 2nd language). I have been working since I was 16 y/o at a grocery store. The first time I had back pain was at 16-17...my grandfather was diagnosed with cancer and by the end he was on hospice care, and I helped him bathe, stand up, eat, gave him his meds, I cared for him ( i thought my pain was because of that). Unfortunately, he passed in 1999. I was the one who found him (trauma); it was super hard for me. After that, like, everything changed, the family was a mess, he was the rock of the family. Family secrets came out, family started to fight (sometimes physical fights), problems with the inheritance, etc. (more trauma).
After college, I went to Med school, went to a completely unknown country to me, where I didn't know anybody, didn't have a place to live when I arrived. I only had the money my grandmother had lent me, and 1 suitcase full of clothes. Anyway, after 4 years I graduated med school and came back home. That was in 2009. Life was good then, no pains, no limitations, played tennis, basketball, loved road trips in the Island.
In 2015 I decided to move to NYC and start my medical residency training. I was offered a position starting immediately (2 weeks away) or I had to wait 2 months, obviously I took the position that started immediately, I was very eager to start. Unfortunately, I got really sick after the flu shot. This is where things started to get bad. Like 2-3 days after the shot, I started with tachycardias, ups/downs in blood pressure and pulse with movements and position changes, I couldn't even walk 10 steps because of the shortness of breath and my heart rate would go up to 150's, I was so dehydrated as I couldn't even eat. because of the symptoms I needed to call 911 almost every day, and EMS took me to the hospital where I was doing my training. Everyone saw me, and thought it was anxiety, because I moved to NYC alone, was starting to work in a new place, etc. I knew it was not anxiety. The chief of cardio told me it was POTS, but the chairman of the department I was under, did not believe that and so I had to resign my position as they denied me a leave of absence until I got better. Again, came back home.
Recovery took monthssss..I was prescribed anxiety pills (which did not work), I started seeing a psychologist, Multiple cardiologist and electrophysiologists, but symptoms stayed. The only thing that made them better, was breathing, continuing with my life and a beta blocker i was taking.
By 2017, Again I started My residency training, and finished it in 2020, symptoms free, but with a lot of trauma (especially in 2019-2020).
After graduation I was offered a big position at a nearby hospital by my best friend at that time, unfortunately this did not last, friendship was over (which broke my heart) and I resigned to avoid seen her (she was like a sister to me). By that time, I started having back pains, muscle pains, especially in upper back, hypersensitivity on my skin, sometimes even the softest stroke would hurt, half of my scalp would hurt...but i just thought it was stress, so i just kept going.
After that, I started working more than ever, I was working at 2, sometimes 3 hospitals at the same time, all of my weekends, sometimes I would only had 2 days free a month and sometimes I worked 2-3 months in a row. Plus, i had to care financially for my mother, sister and niece.
By December 2023, I started getting these really bad headaches in the back of my head, which I thought was stress, took all muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatories, steroids, you name it, and nothing. head CT, MRI brain and labs all normal. Vision was perfect as well. As I have a past history of intracranial hypertension, I went to see a neurologist, I was worried I was getting another episode (even thought I KNEW it wasn't, pain was completely different), keep in mind I AM a physician and known symptoms!
Still, the neurologist recommended a lumbar punction to check the pressure.... This was on December 22...Christmas was 3 days away... Anyway, I had the LP, and bear in mind, I HAD A FEELING THAT DAY DEEP INSIDE ME, I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD THE LP, still, I accepted because a close friend of mine was coming to do it, just as a favor to me.
5 days later I was admitted to the hospital because of dizziness, headaches, palpitations. 2 days later I developed right eye pain (eye socket), blurred vision ..I was started on medications that made all the symptoms worse. I was discharge and all labs and studies were normal. Keep in mind, The Lumbar puncture was NORMAL!
By January 8, 2024, I had terrible photophobia, eye pain and upper back muscle pain which worsened when i stood up. Went to see 2 different ophthalmologists, the 2 of them said everything was normal, referred me to a neuro-ophtalmologist, who again said everything was normal, but gave me steroids thinking it was a trochleitis (which is super rare). The back pain worsened, by mid-January the pain in thoracic area was so bad, I even thought I was having a rupture aneurism, ended up in the ER, admitted again, all images and labs were normal as well.
by February 2024, the back pain was so bad, I had a nerve block. day after the nerve block, I woke up EXTREMELY WEAK/FATIGIGUED, I could not move my arms, they felt so heavy, I was so fatigued I felt shortness of breath and thought I was going to die. Again, ended up in the ER, admitted for the 3rd time in 3 months. Again, all labs, images, everything was NORMAL.
By the end of February, I went to the Rheumatologist and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and prescribed me Lyrica and Cymbalta. I was hesitant to take them, as I was sooo sure I had something else. How come FM can be so debilitating? Give a fatigue so bad? Give the worse pain ever?
By March I was in so much pain, I decided to take Lyrica; It helped me a little. But I started Meditating, Mindfulness, and overall, then pain gradually improved, not a lot, but at least I got back to work. The Fatigue stilled persisted, I only could work like 3 hours/day. Could not sleep, maintain sleep, woke up with tachycardias as well.
I started walking (30 min.), trying to get back to normal, Until April 28, 2024. I was feeling so low, so depressed because of the fatigue , I decided to take Cymbalta. What a mistake!!!!!
April 29, 2024 I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, when suddenly felt like I was being burned alive!, my throat, tongue, arms, chest, back, arms! It was horrible!!!. Went to the ER, again, nothing wrong. Next day, i woke up in terrible pain, severely fatigued, could not move, could barely open my eyes!!. Again, went to the ER and found nothing wrong. By then, I was crying all day due to pain, burning sensation on my face, arms , weakness in arms, wasn't able to eat for 2 days.
3 days ago, May 1, 2024, went to a neuromuscular specialist who refers All images, labs (tons) done and physical exam does not suggest I have a condition that requires any specific treatment, but i should consider a chronic pain diagnosis.
After that visit, I still felt fatigue, weak and with pain.
For me, to be able to diagnose a disease, condition, I must have physical proof that it exists, like an MRI (abnormal) or an abnormal lab. Thats why it was so hard for me to accept that I have a condition that no medication will cure, only I can Cure it. Thats why I am here, Thats why i became a member of this fantastic forum.
Yesterday I started to change my way of thinking, I am pushing through the pain and fatigue (which is horrible) and I am doing the program. I will conquer this, with your help, your advice on how to fight this fatigue and pain. And most important, I will change my way of helping my patients, because no one deserves to live in pain and with fatigue. No medication can cure this, only ourselves.
Thanks
After college, I went to Med school, went to a completely unknown country to me, where I didn't know anybody, didn't have a place to live when I arrived. I only had the money my grandmother had lent me, and 1 suitcase full of clothes. Anyway, after 4 years I graduated med school and came back home. That was in 2009. Life was good then, no pains, no limitations, played tennis, basketball, loved road trips in the Island.
In 2015 I decided to move to NYC and start my medical residency training. I was offered a position starting immediately (2 weeks away) or I had to wait 2 months, obviously I took the position that started immediately, I was very eager to start. Unfortunately, I got really sick after the flu shot. This is where things started to get bad. Like 2-3 days after the shot, I started with tachycardias, ups/downs in blood pressure and pulse with movements and position changes, I couldn't even walk 10 steps because of the shortness of breath and my heart rate would go up to 150's, I was so dehydrated as I couldn't even eat. because of the symptoms I needed to call 911 almost every day, and EMS took me to the hospital where I was doing my training. Everyone saw me, and thought it was anxiety, because I moved to NYC alone, was starting to work in a new place, etc. I knew it was not anxiety. The chief of cardio told me it was POTS, but the chairman of the department I was under, did not believe that and so I had to resign my position as they denied me a leave of absence until I got better. Again, came back home.
Recovery took monthssss..I was prescribed anxiety pills (which did not work), I started seeing a psychologist, Multiple cardiologist and electrophysiologists, but symptoms stayed. The only thing that made them better, was breathing, continuing with my life and a beta blocker i was taking.
By 2017, Again I started My residency training, and finished it in 2020, symptoms free, but with a lot of trauma (especially in 2019-2020).
After graduation I was offered a big position at a nearby hospital by my best friend at that time, unfortunately this did not last, friendship was over (which broke my heart) and I resigned to avoid seen her (she was like a sister to me). By that time, I started having back pains, muscle pains, especially in upper back, hypersensitivity on my skin, sometimes even the softest stroke would hurt, half of my scalp would hurt...but i just thought it was stress, so i just kept going.
After that, I started working more than ever, I was working at 2, sometimes 3 hospitals at the same time, all of my weekends, sometimes I would only had 2 days free a month and sometimes I worked 2-3 months in a row. Plus, i had to care financially for my mother, sister and niece.
By December 2023, I started getting these really bad headaches in the back of my head, which I thought was stress, took all muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatories, steroids, you name it, and nothing. head CT, MRI brain and labs all normal. Vision was perfect as well. As I have a past history of intracranial hypertension, I went to see a neurologist, I was worried I was getting another episode (even thought I KNEW it wasn't, pain was completely different), keep in mind I AM a physician and known symptoms!
Still, the neurologist recommended a lumbar punction to check the pressure.... This was on December 22...Christmas was 3 days away... Anyway, I had the LP, and bear in mind, I HAD A FEELING THAT DAY DEEP INSIDE ME, I SHOULD NOT HAVE HAD THE LP, still, I accepted because a close friend of mine was coming to do it, just as a favor to me.
5 days later I was admitted to the hospital because of dizziness, headaches, palpitations. 2 days later I developed right eye pain (eye socket), blurred vision ..I was started on medications that made all the symptoms worse. I was discharge and all labs and studies were normal. Keep in mind, The Lumbar puncture was NORMAL!
By January 8, 2024, I had terrible photophobia, eye pain and upper back muscle pain which worsened when i stood up. Went to see 2 different ophthalmologists, the 2 of them said everything was normal, referred me to a neuro-ophtalmologist, who again said everything was normal, but gave me steroids thinking it was a trochleitis (which is super rare). The back pain worsened, by mid-January the pain in thoracic area was so bad, I even thought I was having a rupture aneurism, ended up in the ER, admitted again, all images and labs were normal as well.
by February 2024, the back pain was so bad, I had a nerve block. day after the nerve block, I woke up EXTREMELY WEAK/FATIGIGUED, I could not move my arms, they felt so heavy, I was so fatigued I felt shortness of breath and thought I was going to die. Again, ended up in the ER, admitted for the 3rd time in 3 months. Again, all labs, images, everything was NORMAL.
By the end of February, I went to the Rheumatologist and diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and prescribed me Lyrica and Cymbalta. I was hesitant to take them, as I was sooo sure I had something else. How come FM can be so debilitating? Give a fatigue so bad? Give the worse pain ever?
By March I was in so much pain, I decided to take Lyrica; It helped me a little. But I started Meditating, Mindfulness, and overall, then pain gradually improved, not a lot, but at least I got back to work. The Fatigue stilled persisted, I only could work like 3 hours/day. Could not sleep, maintain sleep, woke up with tachycardias as well.
I started walking (30 min.), trying to get back to normal, Until April 28, 2024. I was feeling so low, so depressed because of the fatigue , I decided to take Cymbalta. What a mistake!!!!!
April 29, 2024 I was sitting on the couch, watching TV, when suddenly felt like I was being burned alive!, my throat, tongue, arms, chest, back, arms! It was horrible!!!. Went to the ER, again, nothing wrong. Next day, i woke up in terrible pain, severely fatigued, could not move, could barely open my eyes!!. Again, went to the ER and found nothing wrong. By then, I was crying all day due to pain, burning sensation on my face, arms , weakness in arms, wasn't able to eat for 2 days.
3 days ago, May 1, 2024, went to a neuromuscular specialist who refers All images, labs (tons) done and physical exam does not suggest I have a condition that requires any specific treatment, but i should consider a chronic pain diagnosis.
After that visit, I still felt fatigue, weak and with pain.
For me, to be able to diagnose a disease, condition, I must have physical proof that it exists, like an MRI (abnormal) or an abnormal lab. Thats why it was so hard for me to accept that I have a condition that no medication will cure, only I can Cure it. Thats why I am here, Thats why i became a member of this fantastic forum.
Yesterday I started to change my way of thinking, I am pushing through the pain and fatigue (which is horrible) and I am doing the program. I will conquer this, with your help, your advice on how to fight this fatigue and pain. And most important, I will change my way of helping my patients, because no one deserves to live in pain and with fatigue. No medication can cure this, only ourselves.
Thanks
