Day 1: Here I go !!

Where I am at as far as my acceptance of TMS-

It is hard for me to believe that my initial onset of pain----6 years ago, lower back spasms, pain down the left leg, a numb foot, and eventually a sad, depressed feeling in my sacrum - accompanied by digestive issues and difficulty walking or lifting anything - even my laptop, or a laundry or grocery bag. I feel that some of these have psychological attributes but I felt that there were many structural things going on. I have had spinal fusion surgery and almost my whole spine is fused accept for my neck and low back-as a child, for scoliosis. The doctors said that because most of my spine was fused, the lower disks and vertebrae are hyper-mobile, causing wear and tear, and herniations in the disks. This diagnosis made sense to me and still does.

I went to see a CranioSacral therapist and my leg got better and my foot came back to normal. I stopped having spasms. I went to a Nutrisionist/MD who put me on a new diet which helped with the digestion. I went to see a physical therapist and now I feel stronger and I can lift things. But NONE of these things helped permanently with the pain. I still have severe pain in my lower back, left hip and sacrum.

That's where you guys come in. I started doing Internal Family Systems Therapy and realized that my pain had a voice. So i started to talk to it and listening. Mostly it was saying "you can't handle this or that, you are making stupid decisions..." And so on. This has been helping enormously. One day I had a session with my IFS therapist where some deep rage came out at someone in my family. The next day I hardly had any pain at all. So that's when I decided there is a Mindbody connection. I went to read Sarno's book again. I had read it at the first onset of pain but it had no affect on me. I thought it was wishful thinking...still do sometimes.

I can only conclude that my body genuinely needed some attending to in other ways.? Or that I have combination TMS/structural?

But since I have discovered the forum last month - just from watching and reading success stories and connecting with others I have had 4-5 day lifts of pain where I feel light and free. But then it comes back.

Gonna try this SEP and see if I can find a way to be free of it for good. To make it stick Thanks guys

 

Hi, lexylucy.

You may have discovered the main reason for your recurring symptoms: you said you told your IFS therapist
that you held some deep rage at someone in your family.

As you go through the SEP, maybe journal about that. You may have deep repressed emotions toward that person.
Learning what they are and then doing your best to understand that person will hopefully lead to forgiving.
Forgiving is a fantastic thing. It brings us peace and stops the pain.

Good luck as you continue to improve.

 

thank you!!!!!!

 

Welcome LexiLucy,
If you read The divided Mind, Dr. Sarno believes Scoliosis is a TMS Symptom. I had Scoliosis surgery when I was 16 by Dr. Harrington in Houston, Tx. I have the Harrington rods. I, too, have had low back pain and neck pain. All these years I have blamed everything on my Scoliosis. Tailbone pain.... must be the rods. Pelvic Floor problems... must be rods. Shin Splints.... must be the rods. Tingling in my hands and feet.... must be the rods. IT band pain.... must be the rods. Cramping hips.... must be the rods. Restless leg.... could it be my back?

I always focused on my back as the culprit for many of my aches and pain. And depression almost all my life. I had read years ago that depression was anger turned inward. I just did not know how to get it out.

Now I know that all of the above is TMS. I still have some physical issues. I think I always will. It just moves around to another place. I treat it indifferently. I am playing a new sport called Pickleball. I am addicted to it. I play 5 times each week. Starting out my elbow hurt. I wondered if it was TMS. I bought an $18 placebo to put around my arm. It went away then my hip knotted up. Then I knew it was TMS. I limped around the court battling with my mind feeling "not good enough" and seeing others visually unhappy with my play. Then it finally went away then turned into sciatica. Again treat with indifference talk to it and journal. Now I feel like I have a rock in the bottom of my shoe. Nothing ever slows me down.

Friends are absolutely amazed how I play pickleball when the majority of my spine is fused. I have absolutely no pain in my back.

If you want to talk to me about this, contact me. You will succeed and have an amazing recovery.

 

Friends are absolutely amazed how I play pickleball when the majority of my spine is fused. I have absolutely no pain in my back.

Wow!! thanks for sharing with me

 

Hi, lexylucy. I'm glad you found a sport you like. Never heard of pickleball but will look it up.
Is your dog a Chihuaha? Adorabl. Are they high maintenance? Do they bark?

 

That's William!!! He's half Chihuahua and half Italian Greyhound Oh no he's wonderful - not yappy

 

It sounds like you are doing well already, because you are having several days where the pain lifts and goes away. That's a strong sign that the pain is TMS. I've read a bit about IFS and it seems really interesting. All the best with the SEP!