Day 9 Criticism

Yeah, there's a lot, but I think most of it is justified. I made some serious parenting mistakes when my son was younger and went through a nasty behavioral spell (we thought ODD for a while, it was very scary) and I still have flashbacks of how poorly I handled it and how he will hate me one day.

I also get angry that I've been at this for a while, with zero progress and only a worsening of pain and more areas. And I know, that's on me because we're not supposed to be outcome dependent or clock watch. I stay in a state of things will always be this way. Things to work on.

 

Rusty,

What choice do we actually have? Believe we’ll get better? Or not? One helps. One doesn’t. When I have hope, I do things to get better. When I don’t, I feel sorry for myself and sink down into the mud. My day-to-day steps to get better will add up. So I can’t afford to get overwhelmed and down.

The number one battle through all of this is attitude. And the number one lie is that we *all* can get better *fast.* The truth is, we all don’t. For whatever reason.

But, the changes we make to get better will last a lifetime, and they can begin immediately.

I guess I’m a glass half full person. I always think of all the people out there with something wrong with them that will never heal ever— No matter what they do, it will never go away. But we have the chance to get better. We’re the lucky ones.

By the way, this is a pep talk for me, too. Most mornings, I wake up, and I really have to wrestle with my attitude. Some days are better than others. And, I think that’s progress. But a lot of times it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done—just to have hope.

Also—Welcome to parenthood. It sucks. We all screw up. Even though we love them more than life itself. Someday our sons will also screw up. But hopefully, love will prevail over all of the mistakes.

Hug! ❤️Hang in there.