Day 33 Can't stop me now

[Stella]

Disagreeing with Mother, stating my point of view, hearing her breath disappointment , feeling tightness, feeling small dark cloud form in my mind, awareness, continue forward, state point of view, know she doesn't like, she states disagreement, surprise, never allowed.

More to come, can't stop me now, still feel tightness, continue forward, can't stop me now, awareness, i can do it, my point of view differs from hers, hear disppointment but I'm ok, moving forward, can't stop me now, I'm ok, cloud gone, tightness fading.

BRAVO

 

[Jilly]

You moved through it ... I am so proud of you, you did it and you're both are o.k. ! BRAVO ! MAGNIFICO ! ENCORE !

 

[tarala]

Well done Sandy, your courage seems to grow by leaps and bounds!

 

[Stella]

Thanks guys...every few days is a new awareness and a positive step forward. I feel awesome. Never never would have believed I could feel so good mentally and physically. My husband says "I am like a new person." Happy, laughing all the time, dancing, singing, physically strong, confident. It is amazing. I am a totally different person....who is this person?

 

[Leslie]

That person is a true inspiration! She's the real Sandy and my idol!

 

[Stella]

Well, to be realistic I still hurt sometimes more, sometimes less but it is tolerable. I am aware of the pain all the time. I move forward then I slide back. I just have to be vigilant all the time.

Today I was with my Mother to go to the dentist. She then asked if I could take them to an event on Saturday. So very quickly I put the smile on my face and said sure (people pleaser that I am, Mother pleaser). Then I was furious with myself because I wanted my Saturday to myself. I could feel the tightness in my thighs. I did not want to go to this event at all.

So then I re-thought it, I told my Mother I did have a conflict and I couldn't take them. I suggested an alternative for transportation which she then figured out one of her own. I have to remember to stop, stop, stop, pause, think before responding with my people pleasing personality particularly with my Mother.

I feel so much better speaking up versus going ahead, taking them to the activity then resenting it and being in pain the entire time. Did I handle this correctly? I am not sure but it was a baby step. I am not sure, yet, I can say "I would really rather have Saturday for myself." The responsibility driver kicked in. The need to take care of them kicks in. The people pleasing trait kicks in. All the traits were activated. Any suggestions?

 

[tarala]

Hi Sandy,

I think you are doing great. For me, when I'm afraid to tell someone I want to put myself first, it always comes down to a big fear-- that they won't love and approve of me if I don't put their needs ahead of mine. Well, they won't. Very few people on the planet, including moi, are capable of absolute unconditional love, which is what I am wanting from them. So for me the more I can access an inner source of unconditional love, support and well-being, the less I find I need to depend on it from others.

We all to some extent try to control others to be the way we want them to be so that we feel comfortable. This is what those who withhold love if we don't conform to their wishes are doing. But people pleasing, though it looks nice, is also controlling. If I am nice to you, you will like me. It's one big control festival here, but I like the Byron Katie idea-- if I can't stop controlling them, why on earth do I think they can stop trying to do it to me? Once I let go of my people pleasing, I suspect they will go find someone else to practice on.

 

[Stella]

Such good advice. I need to print off and hold in my palm for future reference.

I could "hear" the disappointment in her voice regarding not going to the event. Then I told her i would not go to lunch...I could "hear" more disappointment. As you say.. develop my internal strength so I don't need her approval.

 

[Gigi]

Hi Sandy,

Once I let go of my people pleasing, I suspect they will go find someone else to practice on.

I love that line!
Sandy you're amazing! Not only did you state what you wanted to do, you provided a potential alternative. And how cool that your Mom came up with another way to problem-solve. You GO!

 

[Stella]

Thanks Gigi,
It is always a challenge communicating with my parents. I am over-the-top in being responsible, constant feelings of guilt, their caretaker, needing to control, worry, fear, anxiety... gee whiz on and on but I am doing doing great. Journaling is the key for me to stay on top of all this stuff.

Thanks for bringing this old post up. It was rewarding to read.

Today I was with my Mother sharing a sad situation about my grandson. I had cried by myself before I arrived. I know now she can't give any emotional support. She is just tied up too tight in her own emotional pain. But now I know and don't expect anything. Before I would have wondered what was wrong with me. I know now nothing is wrong with me. I am loveable as are you and others.