I am wondering if trying new things can cause a tumult in my brain...also for the first time, my mind seems to be having a fight.
Absolutely.
The fact that you recognise this is a great step forward because it shows you are distancing yourself from your story (as mentioned in the other post) and the neurological habits associated with it.
Remember that your brain is trying to keep you safe. New thoughts, practices and behaviours can seem threatening within this context. Cue TMS with its bag of tricks to badger and bully you back onto it’s perception of safe ground.
Add to this the psychological phenomenon known as Resistance which manifests in many ways but usually as self-sabotage and procrastination. Again, it’s a mechanism intended to keep you safe.
This is where the whole process of making yourself feel safe comes in. Given your past it’s quite likely that feeling safe is alien to you or at least rare. Therefore it’s not something to trust, not yet. All the techniques we share on the forum are nothing more than ways to create and maintain this sense of being safe.
I think even just knowing what is going on is helpful. The explanation helped me a lot at first because I realised that it was just a survival mechanism created when I was little. I’m not little anymore so I get to change the way I react and respond to things. This process is variously tedious, frightening, unsettling and frustrating long before the boons start to show up. In this respect it’s exactly the same as getting fit or losing weight only we are working our spirit, training it to guide the mind so that the mind can listen to the heart, and the heart guide the body. The body reciprocates in kind and harmony is born.
The best way forward is to relax or surrender the fight. In time you will find peace. You’re on the path there right now my darling.
