Buried rage/anger

[Acjax]

Hi all,
I'm hoping someone has some pearls of wisdom/hope
I recovered from 15 years of back pain about 4 years ago using Dr Sarno's book , it was so rapid (2 weeks). About 8 months ago I started having twinges in the opposite side of my lower back, I know this is tms but have had limited success in dealing with it, although I have had some. I began running about 6 months ago and ignored the pain successfully and got up to 10 miles and was feeling great!! About a month ago I began to have Achilles on the left (same side as my current back pain) and knee pain on the right, down the the inside of the knee. As a result I've been looking more into the stuff I've got buried (in the last 2 years I've had a relationship breakdown which hasn't been pretty), I have a son who is with me 50%of the time, I'm self employed and money is veRy tight. I've bought Steve Ozanic's book and I've been watching Nichole Sachs on the internet. I'm coming too the realisation that I'm absolutely crammed with buried rage!! Some reagrding my parents especially my mother (my father was an alcoholic, not at all violent or abusive but emotionally unavailable)
Some from my ex wife whom it's more or less impossible to have a rational conversation with, angry with work, angry at parental responsibilities and angry with myself!
This is stuff I've never felt before and I noticed that I'm grating my teeth a lot! What do I do to deal with this surfacing rage and anger (I'm currently journaling) ?
What I hoping for is hope that I can deal with all this shit and I can be free of pain and run, because I love it.
Any advice from fellow sufferers who have gone before me and succeeded will be gratefully appreciated!!

Adam

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Hi Acjax,

Your story mirrors many others who had a fairly easy "book cure" the first go-round, then revisit symptoms, or new symptoms years later. The fact that you're already inquiring into the deeper emotional aspects, and feeling them is very supportive!! This is usually what helps, this deepening.

I think return of symptoms is also a deeper call of your one human life to clarify, understand, be more "you."

Journaling, sensing into your body, being real with emotional states, connecting (even subtle) changes --worsening or improving-- in symptoms, speaking your truth to those around you, or even in unsent letters ----all of this is good treatment.

Your practice is probably already helping to allow the emerging rage to simply be, with less rejection, and less suppression.

We have, at the Wiki free programs, including the Structured Education Program, and Alan Gordon's recent program. Both are good, free, and not the same. Howard Schubiner's Unlearn Your Pain program book is like "therapy in a box" and available for about $30. Any of these will help your current trajectory to good health.

Andy B

 

[mister_burger]

Hey, sounds like you're going through a lot. I can totally imagine why you have that rage inside you. Relationships + work combo, this is also what put me through chronic pain.

About a month ago I began to have Achilles on the left (same side as my current back pain) and knee pain on the right, down the the inside of the knee.

Achilles pain, I know it too well unfortunately. This is what got me into looking into chronic pain and luckily I stumbled on Dr Schubiner's videos, then Dr Sarno's books. I'm not 100% healed, I do get flare ups again like today. But I've been following the structure educational program https://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/Structured_Educational_Program (Structured Educational Program), and re-reading Dr Sarno's books.

Like he used to say, reading his work is like "penicilin" for the mind. Also the journaling in the program linked above really helped me. Putting my thoughts and emotion on paper, it's like it's leaving my mind. I feel like a weight off my chest every day I write.

 

[Acjax]

Thank you both for your words of encouragement. It's just what I needed to hear. I do need to look into things deeper and if it wasn't for tms I wouldn't be doing it, so actually it's probably a good thing. I'm carrying on running as prescribed by Dr Sarno and I'm journaling. I'm really really surprised by what's coming out! No wonder I'm in so much pain! It's so encouraging to here of people who've have been in similar positions and are now pain free.

Adam

 

[Acjax]

Thought I'd give an update........I had the local 10 mile race yesterday, my first. It was only the second time I'd run that distance and it went well. The time was 1 hour 32mins which I was chuffed to bits with. Things felt good during, I pushed it and the Knee felt ok and my Achilles soon loosened up. Almost immediately after the race my Achilles began to stiffen and my knee started hurting, despite stretching (I bet I looked a state walking home afterwards!) Today my knee is manageable, however the Achilles has been agony!!
Meanwhile I've been journaling and I'm realising all the things, people and occurrences that have made me angry, that I've suppressed. It suprises me! It's all mainly stemming from parents and a sibling (brother). I'm beginning to realise how manipulated, and spoken down to I've been.
I'm also have quite a bit of suppressed anger pointed at myself.
It's odd that there is very little of this anger stemming from my ex wife. Maybe that's to come?

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I'm also have quite a bit of suppressed anger pointed at myself.

I think this is important to work with. I often recommend Soul Without Shame, by Byron Brown. Goes deep into the conditions, causes, and treatments for this aspect. With TMS this is a root factor, common, because it leads to inner tension. "I want to feel this way, but I can't."