Day 15 Belief in the Diagnosis

Today's question to think about asks if my pain has been moving around these past two weeks and if so, how has it affected my belief in the diagnosis. Actually, my pain consistently strikes in my hip and my leg. The location of the pain hasn't really moved around. But a couple of things that speak to me and confirm my belief in the TMS diagnosis are (1) the tingling in my fingers has essentially stopped and (2) the pain in my leg and hip are much less frequent, and almost every time I do get pain, I'm able to connect it to a fearful or resentful thought that just went through my mind.

The tingling in my fingers started about a year ago, out of the blue, and the doctors can't find anything wrong. Since starting this program, the tingling has almost completely stopped. Also out of the blue. (Although it's funny that as I type this post, they're tingling again!) Wow! This is clear evidence to me.

And with my hip and leg, I'll be going along just fine, thrilled that I'm able to do so much more without any pain and then pow -- I'll have a thought (yesterday it was inviting my granddaughters over for dinner, and then immediately thinking - oh, wait -- I don't have any kid snacks, what if they don't like the food I was planning for dinner, what if they're bored because it's sort of a work day around the house, etc. etc. -- all this fear stuff) and the pain comes back - excruciating. Then I get upset with myself because I can see how much my pain is tied in to worrying about what others will think of me.

Journaling about all of this helps so much, and I'm trying to be as gentle as I can with myself. Just being aware of what's going on with the thought process, and then instant pain, is huge progress in and of itself - even though I don't want the pain. Being aware of how and why it's happening is a huge step forward and I know I'm making progress.

 

@Carma7 ,
Wow, this is all really great! You are making some fantastic progress! To be able to stop what is making you nervous and giving you symptoms! That’s huge! And your fingers stopped tingling. You must feel fantastic with that!

Isn’t this so sad and so true! It’s really true for me. And I also share your pain with entertaining the grandkids, or even the kids—What if it’s not perfect? What if they don’t like it? This is a terrible amount of pressure! I noticed a few years before I got this round of TMS, that I would get extremely nervous if I was having the kids over. I don’t know when I got that fear. I raised them for Pete’s sake. I wasn’t nervous, then, to feed them. And honestly, they eat anything. I think it’s a form of anxiety that crept up on me.

But we are on the road to recovery! And things don’t have to be perfect when we have them over!

 

So true! What IS this all about? LOL! Dinner went without a hitch, the girls helped prepare it and they actually ate everything on their plates. Best part of all is that it was decided we will do "Cooking Dinner With Nonni" once a week over summer vacation. In for the win!!