being sure its TMS / BMS

[Dee.1983]

So how do I 100% make sure my symptoms are BMS ?
When there not too bad I'm a believer and on really bad days I start to question it. ( could this level of pain really be due to my emotions?)
My symptoms started in September 2024 - I was shopping and came over very dizzy and needed to sit down. I finally got myself home I had ear pain and ear fullness and the sensation of a 'lump' in my throat. I was really scared as I'd never had anything like it before. I'd already stopped running due to ongoing lower back pain as advised my physio I was told the back pain was due to my previous left hip labral tear in 2015 / surgery 2017, but I digress.
Now I had to stop everything including aerial ( my passion )
I went to the doctors who diagnosed me with eustachian tube dysfunction - I was prescribed a steroid spray. a few weeks passed and symptoms persisted I went back to the GP, who suggested maybe it was reflux and prescribed omeprazole, symptoms persisted I went back to the GP who prescribed a fungal throat wash and referred me to Ears, Nose and Throat.... wait list 12 months !!!
I waited as private health care in the UK with no insurance is expensive and I am not that well off... Symptoms persisted, the GP done blood test ect and reassured me it was nothing serious, it felt serious, I started to feel like I had something stuck in my throat at best and like I was being choked at worst, my ear pain increased and I often felt like I was underwater. These symptoms are still present as I type the 'lump' sensation comes and goes. but it there on and off every day.
Finally I cracked and went private the ENT specialist was very kind and performed a throat endoscopy - he said it was clear and probably just a muscle spasm - he suggested meditation and an MRI just to be sure.
The MRI was clear.
After trying every 'google remedy' for throat spasms with no symptom relief, In January 2025 I enrolled on a 6 weeks Buddhist meditation course - this in when the insomnia started, and then the headaches, in the beginning that what they were bad headaches and every so often ( although I'd never suffered with headaches before) but they got worse and worse and more and more frequent. by Late February they were almost daily with the occasional amazing symptom free day - I searched and searched for and consistency on the headache free days I convinced myself it was days I wore sunglasses so had my eyes tested - healthy. I went back to the GPs more blood test low iron - iron tablets no improvement. more headaches I went back to the GP who said it was probably anxiety and prescribed amitriptyline this did not help. FYI paracetamol / ibuprofen and 30mg x 2 codeine might as well all be sugar tablets regarding these headaches. Calling them headaches is like calling a tsunami a wave - I tried talking therapy no improvement acupuncture with a TCM therapist no improvement. I went to a yoga retreat and cried every night in Pain..
On the advised of my GP I paid £400 for a brain MRI - all clear!!
By late march I'd stopped googling what causes headaches and throat spasms and started googling how to commit suicide and make sure it works! I can't believe it myself, I was serious I though no one can help and I can not live with it much longer - suddenly all the shit I wasted my time on felt so pointless ... worrying about my job my flat my weight my ISAs ... hilarious when you're thinking of making a laughing gas suicide pack.
FYI my weight is very healthy apparently so am I, I have been blessed with wonderful friends, a good family and previously amazing hobbies and a lust for living / eating / travel / aerial and music.
My friend took to AI and came up with a few suggestions including; pain reprocessing therapy but I had previously read about that when the GP said it was anxiety- even though I did not feel anxious and never have or stressed! I thought I was immune to both always considered myself really lucky like that - I just got on with shit. I read a Gabor Mate book and listen to a podcast with Howard Schubiner and kind of tried it ( but not really as I didn't have any tools) so I quit, then I was told about cervicogenic headaches - this made sense it was my posture and neck muscles of course - at last hope. Off to the chiropractors I went 6 weeks 14 sessions £600 later - you guessed it my symptoms persisted.

So my throat spasm and ear fullness is daily that comes and goes. My headaches are also now daily but I never ever have one when I wake up ( I love mornings) I wake around 6.30 / 7am a really bad day they start at 11 an average day the pressure starts around 2 - today a really good day it was 4pm. I always have one in the evening that stops me going out.
So I have now convinced myself it MBS but I had previously convinced myself it was cervicogenic and before that too much fluid on my brain. Once I hear a new theory I make it fit.
So how do I make sure this diagnosis is the right one?

 

[Cactusflower]

You stop worrying if they are 100% and begin to realize that sometimes you'll doubt, sometimes not. When you are at the beginning of your journey, it's normal to doubt.
I bet you have a lot of doubts in your life, but I'm also willing to bet you don't necessarily fall down the rabbit hole with them. MBS is not a "diagnoses" it's a normal natural state of every animal. We ALL have a mind body connection (it's also not a "syndrome" - old word, not useful).
The first way to begin building more belief is to start what some people call as an Evidence Sheet
This is where you write things that seem to bust the idea that you have anything "wrong" with you, or that it can only be physical, or when you really notice a MBS connection.
So let's start your evidence sheet because you've already got some good stuff!

#1 - no symptoms upon waking
#2 - even with symptoms raging, you were able to do aerial work
#3 - sometimes your symptoms still let you engage in activities, hobbies and moments that you describe as your "passions"

Notice: I did not mention or describe any particular physical symptoms at all in my writing. You are doing this to take the focus off of your hyper vigilance and worry about the physical, and what eventually will come to light is when you are more emotionally regulated and why (doing aerial work) or have less fear etc.

It seems like you are also struggling to find some sort of path or guidance to doing "the work" as they call it - finding regular practices that help you put into place the things you have read, and guide you to do some of the deeper work that most TMS books talk about. You've sort of read both sides of the coin. Alan Gordon who's emotional work focuses only on the current set of symptoms and Gabor Mate who points out that the symptoms are a manifestation from lifelong struggles.

You can follow both methods (I do) but you don't really have to do them both at once to start off with. That's a bit much. Why not begin following the directions in Alan Gordon's book and utilize his practices for a few months. Take a short time each day to re-read his book little by little and let it sink in. Then do one of his practices per day eg. Somatic Tracking (pick a less strong symptom eg. I don't recommend using your throbbing head, but ear fullness might be OK for you). Do it for a few weeks, add any of his other techniques. Notice any changes in your thoughts, in your beliefs etc. and write them on your evidence sheet. There are lots of ways to get guidance on Alan's work - he has podcasts, there's the Curable app, his book, and on the free Insight Timer (and also on youtube) you can find guidance for Somatic Tracking and or "Pendulation" which is a form of somatic tracking. You will even find guidance for "emotional tracking" which is a more sophisticated version.

Know that symptoms can increase with knowledge of this work, because you are challenging the deep core beliefs that there is something medically or physically wrong with you. Your brain is aware you are now going to explore the things it has been trying to keep you safe from, the things in your life that you perceive might threaten your safety. The mind wants to keep your world small so it can manage these "threats" but really, the threats are our thoughts and anxieties.

Another fantastic, small book to read is anything by Claire Weekes. She deals with 'nervous suffering' which is an old fashioned term for anxiety. The great thing about her book is it has explicit directions for conquering anxiety and those anxious thoughts in life, and around our symptoms.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

So how do I make sure this diagnosis is the right one?

You don't.

There is nothing certain in this life except for death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin most famously submitted this concept 250 years ago and no one has refuted its essential truth either before or after his time.

Instead, as you re-read and follow the great advice from Cactusflower, you also ask yourself the following question every time doubt tries to bring you down (which it will, probably multiple times every day):

What have you got to lose by completely dropping the costly search for a diagnosis, and instead making an honest and serious commitment to really doing this work, for little or no cost other than time and emotional vulnerability?

 

[Dee.1983]

You stop worrying if they are 100% and begin to realize that sometimes you'll doubt, sometimes not. When you are at the beginning of your journey, it's normal to doubt.
I bet you have a lot of doubts in your life, but I'm also willing to bet you don't necessarily fall down the rabbit hole with them. MBS is not a "diagnoses" it's a normal natural state of every animal. We ALL have a mind body connection (it's also not a "syndrome" - old word, not useful).
The first way to begin building more belief is to start what some people call as an Evidence Sheet
This is where you write things that seem to bust the idea that you have anything "wrong" with you, or that it can only be physical, or when you really notice a MBS connection.
So let's start your evidence sheet because you've already got some good stuff!

#1 - no symptoms upon waking
#2 - even with symptoms raging, you were able to do aerial work
#3 - sometimes your symptoms still let you engage in activities, hobbies and moments that you describe as your "passions"

Notice: I did not mention or describe any particular physical symptoms at all in my writing. You are doing this to take the focus off of your hyper vigilance and worry about the physical, and what eventually will come to light is when you are more emotionally regulated and why (doing aerial work) or have less fear etc.

It seems like you are also struggling to find some sort of path or guidance to doing "the work" as they call it - finding regular practices that help you put into place the things you have read, and guide you to do some of the deeper work that most TMS books talk about. You've sort of read both sides of the coin. Alan Gordon who's emotional work focuses only on the current set of symptoms and Gabor Mate who points out that the symptoms are a manifestation from lifelong struggles.

You can follow both methods (I do) but you don't really have to do them both at once to start off with. That's a bit much. Why not begin following the directions in Alan Gordon's book and utilize his practices for a few months. Take a short time each day to re-read his book little by little and let it sink in. Then do one of his practices per day eg. Somatic Tracking (pick a less strong symptom eg. I don't recommend using your throbbing head, but ear fullness might be OK for you). Do it for a few weeks, add any of his other techniques. Notice any changes in your thoughts, in your beliefs etc. and write them on your evidence sheet. There are lots of ways to get guidance on Alan's work - he has podcasts, there's the Curable app, his book, and on the free Insight Timer (and also on youtube) you can find guidance for Somatic Tracking and or "Pendulation" which is a form of somatic tracking. You will even find guidance for "emotional tracking" which is a more sophisticated version.

Know that symptoms can increase with knowledge of this work, because you are challenging the deep core beliefs that there is something medically or physically wrong with you. Your brain is aware you are now going to explore the things it has been trying to keep you safe from, the things in your life that you perceive might threaten your safety. The mind wants to keep your world small so it can manage these "threats" but really, the threats are our thoughts and anxieties.

Another fantastic, small book to read is anything by Claire Weekes. She deals with 'nervous suffering' which is an old fashioned term for anxiety. The great thing about her book is it has explicit directions for conquering anxiety and those anxious thoughts in life, and around our symptoms.

As always thank for such a long, in-depth and helpful response.
Unfortunately I think perhaps I have written my thread in a confusing manner as sadly I have had to stop aerial ( it's circus type skills rope / silks) very high intensity physically. I've had to completely give it up as I'm in too much pain with my head. I stopped for a while with the ear problem then went back then stopped again because of the headaches and never went back.
Although now I'm wondering if I was always enjoying it or if it was just something else I had to be better at ?
I've also had to leave one of my jobs but as I don't leave the flat in the evening anymore I'm getting by on less money.

But that's not the point is it. And I do have evidence and I agree and have thought there is no harm in giving it my best shot, I have to add over the last couple of weeks although my symptoms have not improved my mood has lightened which is a massive step forward in itself.
I've been doing my best to book in plans with friends on my days off and enjoyed a lovely day walking, sea swimming and eating Sunday with a dear friend.
As for the book by Claire weeks I have also read it, my mum sent it to me earlier in the year she said her mum gave it to her when she had 'problems' and my nan bless her had 'bad nerves' her entire life.
I read it and cried because a few pages felt like me ( especially the excessive dieting), that's when I started talking therapy but for some reason I got angry with my mum and said god do you think I'm having a break down, not sure why that made me so angry . I found the old fashioned language hard, everything was him or he like women didn't even exists.
Actually I do know why I cried and got angry I thought that having a problem constructed by my mind was my fault and made me weak and was unfair when I've worked so hard to be healthy. I quit smoking, drink and drugs in 2022 I eat mainly non processed plant foods, I exercise all the time, I've spent most of my life working in health care, caring for others. ( Oh poor me !) God I sound so narcissistic!
I will be sticking with the program and re-reading Alan's books, his light hearted funny approach makes for a nice read. I also have Nicole Sachs mind you body to read.
And I am enjoying the reading and the process - more than the chiropractor and it's a lot cheaper

 

[Dee.1983]

You don't.

There is nothing certain in this life except for death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin most famously submitted this concept 250 years ago and no one has refuted its essential truth either before or after his time.

Instead, as you re-read and follow the great advice from Cactusflower, you also ask yourself the following question every time doubt tries to bring you down (which it will, probably multiple times every day):

What have you got to lose by completely dropping the costly search for a diagnosis, and instead making an honest and serious commitment to really doing this work, for little or no cost other than time and emotional vulnerability?

So true....thank you

 

[Cactusflower]

@Dee.1983
You do not sound narcissistic. You sound like a person who is trying to take care of themselves, and thinks a lot about family, cares for themselves and cares for others. People best care for others after you’ve taken care of themselves.
So basically, since 2022 you’ve made huge strides within yourself. The things you’ve done can cause a lot of self-pressure, you have removed many of your emotional coping mechanisms and drastically changed your lifestyle. That is amazing! Think of the inner strength it took to get there! Congratulations.
Besides having an evidence sheet, you need an “I’m a badass bitch” sheet and write down the things you’ve accomplished. Give yourself credit (my friend just started a baddass club for her friends who are overcoming hard challenges, we met last Sunday..)
As for aerial, it still goes on the list -you still did it, even with symptoms. It’s ok not to do it now, and good insights into your relationship with it. I’ve had instances like that, some things I’ve gone back to. Some things I’m simply not ready to tackle yet to see where my true self lays within it.
Both Nichole and Alan combined together are a fantastic way to approach this. Choose a little from each and do what they suggest. Don’t doubt your ability to stick with it. You’ve proven you can do hard things (evidence sheet!)
As for Dr. Weekes, she writes “he” because at the time of writing, anxiety was considered solely woman’s suffering. She is including men both to be inclusive, and to break sex standard stereotypes. Despite sounding old fashioned, she was ahead of her time. An elderly published, educated female who also suffered with and treated her own anxiety. Pretty baddass!

 

[Dee.1983]

Cactusflower I think I may love you.
Interesting insight into the use of ' he' I had no idea.

I like the badass sheet and club.
Thank you