Being happy about disappearing symptoms immediately bring them back on?

Does anyone else experience this?

It feels like I can’t celebrate the small victories, because as soon as I think about it, the symptoms are roaming back. Ridiculous!

is it common?

 

Yes. Very common. I can be totally fine but if I just think about the symptoms I feel them again. Don't beat yourself up over it. The brain is a powerful thing.

 

Thanks. All I’m doing is saying “oh, I’m doing great” and literally my legs would start burning and tingling. It’s ridiculous. I know it proves I have TMS but it sucks I can’t even be happy about my progress.

 

I am exactly the same. Its tough but it's all a learnt behaviour from the brain.

 

Try noticing when you are doing great with things that are not physical symptoms.
Notice changes in your mindset, in mood, thoughts, not following catastrophic thoughts, happy moments unrelated to your TMS, times you live life etc…

 

It is ridiculous! (I know from experience ) The ridiculousness and insistence of it is so laughable at times, that I do just have to laugh.
Maybe that can help you too?
To laugh... Like, really, really? You're going to show up like this - okay, that's so ridiculous and hilarious. Now, back to living/enjoying life.

All throughout my childhood, there was the consistent message, underlying all and spoken often as well, that we shouldn't be having fun or enjoying ourselves. Holidays always evolved into miserable days, because we would start out having fun, but that was unacceptable and things would get increasingly more painful if we didn't stop enjoying the day, so we learned to quickly back it up if we ever felt "too" happy about anything. I also have the feeling now if I start to enjoy life that it isn't fair that others don't get to enjoy it... sigh. Always needing to remind myself that my happiness doesn't take away from theirs, in fact, it adds to it. I was much more available to help support a friend this morning, because I wasn't immersed in the depths of the focus on my own suffering.

Soooo, I am learning it is my personal act of rebellion to be happy anyway... to enjoy life even with overwhelming symptoms, even if not "acceptable." It is my act of service. My expression of love.
I deserve to experience happiness. You deserve to experience happiness. We all do.

 

Awesome! I assume you’re having progress with TMS?

 

Yes, definitely, all of this has been so helpful and every day I feel like I have a bit of a new insight and curiosity about some aspect of all of this.
It definitely feels like I keep coming back to the power of perspective and belief (which gives hope>which leads to possibility>etc)

 

I’m sad you weren’t allowed to be happy as a kid. I was like you and felt I was happy sometimes in spite of my surroundings. You seem like such a genuinely joyous soul. I’m so glad you’re letting your inner child come out. She really does make the world a better place. And the forum, too!

 

It seems like if I ever report progress on the forum, almost immediately that progress evaporates. It’s like a jinx or something!

 

The important thing is that you saw and felt an improvement which is evidence that the symptoms are mind/body and that if it happened once it can and will happen again if you keep on doing what you're doing.

 

Oh, yes!
I emailed my TMS coach about climbing and hiking the canyon and not long after, here I am! Flare
However...look at the expectations you place on yourself with success - to repeat it, to do better than it, to be totally symptom free and not have to "feel" the yuck anymore. And then add a dose of whatever other stress you generate without realizing it, on top of a nervous system that hasn't gotten to be able to flow through it's states yet....

This is why I just keep the mindset of "practice". Every time I have a flare or uptick of symptoms, anxiety, thoughts etc. I remind myself that it's simply another chance to practice the work.

 

I was thinking about this again this morning and realised that when that has happened (and still happens) to me I take the view that it's either my lizard brain hanging on for dear life still seeing and looking for danger and being fearful, it's grip having momentarily slipped for a while from producing symptoms, and/or it's the new neural pathways that I have been creating by doing 'the work' not quite being substantially formed enough to dominate yet and take over from the old neural pathways.

Also, of course, there's the aspect of anger/rage... perhaps momentarily our bucket of rage went down but then other things in life happened that angered or irritated us and it went up again and overflowed.

One could drive oneself crazy trying to work it out, I guess, but it made me recognise that all of this could be going on and a three pronged approach might be needed for some people - that is, the 'strugglers' like me who have taken years to see profound improvement.

The main thing though is that with symptoms dissipating momentarily it's at least a glimpse of what can be the case full time and a sign that one is doing something right and to continue with it.

 

If it's not TMS proof, I don't know what else is.

@JanAtheCPA gave a great reminder on another topic about the hidden trigger that's expectation. You see, you made progress and then you wanted this progress to stay, even for a while. That's a quick way to frustration since as soon TMS hits our rational thinking goes for a walk. That said, celebrate progress, you totally deserve it. Don't mind the skeptic in you telling it will be over. Symptoms will come back, of course they will. And then you'll have another progress and so on. It's boring as hell. No wonder a lot of people give up, it requires guts to keep on.

 

Thanks so much, @Diana-M! Wish I could provide some sort of comfort for all those "inner children" out there in all of us who had to get through so much.
The good news is we have another chance now to do that for ourselves, and I'm summoning up Mama Bear energy to be there for the task! ha ha! (I chose not to have children but I did get to experience that a bit for 14 years with my beloved pup - when he was stressed / got older and had health challenges, I would wrap him up in my arms and repeat over and over "I got you. I got you." - Now to convey that to myself. )
Thanks again!

 

I will leave this here.

https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/how-do-i-overcome-the-desire-to-get-rid-of-my-pain.8603/ (Derek S. - How do I overcome the desire to get rid of my pain?)

 

I love this! ❤️

 

Constantly. Going through one right now. Had my best most non-symptomatic run yesterday, like huge progress, so happy. But today, NOPE back to a symptom we thought we had gotten past.

@Diana-M I say that all the time! When I share how I am doing with others when it is good or they see me doing better I am like well now the hammer is going to come down. And of course it will because I manifest it to be.

I don't know if it's good or bad, but I have been trying to share more of my progress that is good because I feel that is all wrapped up in the OCD type FEAR thinking of feeling I jinx myself (Brain says I'm bragging, I'm boasting, I shouldn't be doing that... old Catholic guilt maybe) and the something bad happens. This has been going on for even longer than the major TMS. Trying to exposure myself to doing normal things, like saying hey this was an awesome day, and showing myself nothing bad is going to happen, because any person, TMS or no TMS, should be proud of things they do and victories that they have.