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Day 5 Anxiety

kindlethelight

kindlethelight

Peer Supporter
Hi all,

Pondering today's question about activities that I like doing and reading the blog on prioritizing yourself has been very helpful. There are a number of activities that I pull back on doing for fear of causing the dreaded pinch in my back, which leads to tense neck and eye strain and migraine. Dancing. Cleaning my apartment! Yes. I do enjoy the process of cleaning my apartment. It is very soothing. But I have always felt that the movement and lifting and scrubbing had been a trigger. Standing at the counter cooking! Leaning over the table, drawing. ... Really? All this very minimal stuff causing me so much pain. Bah!
Reading 'Prioritizing Yourself' I understand that as I am doing all these minimal physical actions, I am also beating myself up for not doing stuff for others. 'I SHOULD be visiting my elderly neighbours, I SHOULD be meeting so and so for lunch, I SHOULD be showing up for others'. Or else I am doing this stuff in between doing stuff for others. All the tension is in my head and I am so full of SHOULD's. So much anxiety about showing up for myself.
Today, I am tired. I didn't sleep well last night. And this morning I have the same odd tension in my back and head and the same odd eye strain. Yesterday, I was doing so well and my partner actually told me when he came in last night that I was very chilled out and relaxed looking. I went to be in such a relaxed state. But something happened. I don't know what. I started to feel anxious. Started to grind my teeth and twist and turn and I got a tension headache. And I woke up with the same old same old familiar pain. Why is this happening at night and has anyone any advice on how to prevent the anxiety creeping in when I sleep?
Thanks.
 
First things first kindlethelight! Its fabulous that you NOTICED the anxiety - that you NOTICED the Shoulds that were trying to run your life. That is awesome work and the first step in healing. More tools will be revealed as you go through this program. But one of the things I do if I'm feeling anxious, is I'll do a brain dump on paper before I go to bed. I'll write out all the things that are bothering me... that way my repression mechanism doesn't really have a chance to fire because I've already named the suckers out loud. I don't know about you but when its a full moon, I can guarantee I will have a restless sleep. I just accept it at this point, take some time to gaze at its bright light and use it as a relaxing tonic. But first I have to acknowledge that I'm awake, start seeing that I'm tensing up about NOT sleeping, and then move into changing my perspective about it. I'm sure others will have some great suggestions about this too!
 
I also feel anxious when there is a full moon. I think it's gravitational pull on my mind.
I find it helps to drink more water on full moon nights.
And remind myself that, historically speaking, lots of stories are out there about strange things
that happen on nights when the moon is full. Maybe their old wives' tales, I don't know.
I do believe the moon does have its influence on us.
 
Thank you both NowTimeCoach and Walt. I did as you said, wrote in my journal before bed last night. Did some visualizations of creating a safe and protected space and woke up with less tension. Although it has crept up again now that I am in work! Hhhhmmmm.
 
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