Allowing & Resistance

M

mikeinlondon

Well known member
Ok, so I’m half way through Dan B’s book which is actually the best book I’ve read on TMS. I adore Dan and think he’s refined Sarno’s work in such an amazing way. I really recommend the book. Anyhow, I’m struggling with the notion of “allowing”. The book says do not listen to thoughts. People on this forum made reference to the STOP method. However, if we don’t listen to thoughts aren’t we resisting? If we resist isn’t it going to persist? Doesn’t this contradict the “allowing”? Have I missed something obvious? The way I understand it is that we should allow thoughts and emotions ie not resist them. I think we should acknowledge a thought then respond to it eg you may say to yourself “this is untrue, I have TMS, my body is okay and can heal itself” then move on and focus on something else. By not listening and not acknowledging/responding to the thought aren’t we in fact resisting/rejecting the thought hence enabling its persistence? Any advice?
 
Hi @mikeinlondon

Thoughts are machinations of the mind. They are not real. We’ve been taught to believe them.. but do you believe everything someone else says and does? Probably not.
You can use the STOP method for things like worries: stuff that hasn’t happened but you consider may possibly happen but in reality may not happen. Catastrophizing, fears that are not the true imminent tiger in the room etc.
You may also simply have negative thought patterns in life: judgments, rumination's about the past that you find hard to let go of (journaling about these once or twice might help you recognize the emotional reasons why you hang on), resentments etc.
There are many other things that don’t serve you as well. Claire Weekes instructs us to let those thoughts go by like clouds in the sky (STOP is a stronger method, I only pull it out for the more difficult thoughts). Simply don’t pay them any mind (pun intended).
What you tune into is the emotion. Emotion is actual physical sensation. The conundrum is we use thoughts to squelch emotion. Emotion is physical chemical response and it can be a gut punch or the most subtle of nuanced sensations in the physical body. The tickle in the throat when sad, the hit face of anger, the stomach dropping shame.. if we do start to feel it often we mentally label it and then tuck it away in our deepest darkest closet.
As an overthinker and intellectualize, my psychologist suggested I try to stop labeling things specifically. The word “thought” was ok - let that just float on by but to try and drop into my body a few times a day to note if there was sensations of emotions. “What am I feeling?” But no labels etc, just see if there is anything: a buzz on the skin of aliveness, a temperature etc. You’re just teaching yourself to change the place of your attention.
Dan does this at the start of each of his daily videos. A few deep breaths to feel the sensations of the breath. He focuses on his environment: the sun or wind. Hearing lawn mower guy (who obviously annoys him), scents he smells etc.
I absolutely agree with you that if you use affirmations they either need to be your truth, or they need to be your honest goal you truly wish to obtain. Eg. “I am peaceful” may not be real now, but it might be a truth you are working to obtain in the moment. However “this TMS is going to kill me and it will be here forever” is not real and it isn’t something you want to obtain nor is it of value. That’s where STOP is an MVP!
 
mikeinlondon said:
By not listening and not acknowledging/responding to the thought aren’t we in fact resisting/rejecting the thought hence enabling its persistence?
Click to expand...

I think so, we end up resisting. Actually I didn't know Buglio talked about allowing. I thought he'd coach more of a CBT oriented approach of redirecting the thoughts.

Anyway, the allowing method I know comes from Peter Levine's somatic awareness, which consists of curiously exploring the body sensations, and how they interact with your emotions. As for the thoughts, you allow them to be there but don't engage. With practice this lowers the resistance and the bad thoughts will come and go. And if things are hard you can always accept it's a shitty day and just be kind to yourself, as you would with your child in that situation.
 
feduccini said:
I think so, we end up resisting. Actually I didn't know Buglio talked about allowing. I thought he'd coach more of a CBT oriented approach of redirecting the thoughts.

Anyway, the allowing method I know comes from Peter Levine's somatic awareness, which consists of curiously exploring the body sensations, and how they interact with your emotions. As for the thoughts, you allow them to be there but don't engage. With practice this lowers the resistance and the bad thoughts will come and go. And if things are hard you can always accept it's a shitty day and just be kind to yourself, as you would with your child in that situation.
Click to expand...

Exactly, allow but not engage, it's the same with sensations. So, for example, when I feel pain I allow myself to experience the pain and talk to it saying "I''m okay, it's just TMS". I don't try to run away from it or freak out about it (it's hard but I'm getting there). If your mind is sending messages of danger - either via a thought or sensations - you should acknowledge it and respond to it e.g. "I hear you, I know you think I'm in danger but I'm not and I'll prove to you that I'm not" then move on. If you don't acknowledge the messages the alarm bells will only continue and/or get louder. It's like a false fire alarm, if you don't de-activate the switch the alarm will continue. I think Helmut spoke about this in one of his videos with Dan that he had to acknowledge and invalidate all his OCD thoughts as part of his healing process i.e. not engaging or ruminating but just telling the mind that they aren't true.
 
mikeinlondon said:
The book says do not listen to thoughts.

Have I missed something obvious? The way I understand it is that we should allow thoughts and emotions ie not resist them. I think we should acknowledge a thought then respond to it eg you may say to yourself “this is untrue, I have TMS, my body is okay and can heal itself” then move on and focus on something else.
Click to expand...

He doesn't say to respond as fully as you have illustrated but he does say this in his book about responding:

"I suggest we learn to let the thoughts come and go without judgment. Let them float by. For example, say, “Wow, that was a dark thought. Thanks, but no thanks.” And let it go."
 
If you enjoy his book and you're on FB, be sure to check out his daily videos on his Pain Free You page, or you can just grab them from the channel on YouTube.
 
BloodMoon said:
He doesn't say to respond as fully as you have illustrated but he does say this in his book about responding:

"I suggest we learn to let the thoughts come and go without judgment. Let them float by. For example, say, “Wow, that was a dark thought. Thanks, but no thanks.” And let it go."
Click to expand...

exactly Claire Weekes method!
 
mikeinlondon said:
Exactly, allow but not engage, it's the same with sensations. So, for example, when I feel pain I allow myself to experience the pain and talk to it saying "I''m okay, it's just TMS". I don't try to run away from it or freak out about it (it's hard but I'm getting there). If your mind is sending messages of danger - either via a thought or sensations - you should acknowledge it and respond to it e.g. "I hear you, I know you think I'm in danger but I'm not and I'll prove to you that I'm not" then move on. If you don't acknowledge the messages the alarm bells will only continue and/or get louder. It's like a false fire alarm, if you don't de-activate the switch the alarm will continue. I think Helmut spoke about this in one of his videos with Dan that he had to acknowledge and invalidate all his OCD thoughts as part of his healing process i.e. not engaging or ruminating but just telling the mind that they aren't true.
Click to expand...
Different things seem to really be the key for different people.
This allowing, but not engaging definitely feels like it works best for me and my beliefs and perceptions of the thoughts play a huge role in making this possible.

Thinking of it like misinformation tends to really help me. There is so much misinformation in the world - certainly today it's gotten more detailed with so many AI bots and technology that makes it a challenge to even realize something isn't an actual human voice, for example - so the misinformation seems more real, especially since it is so personalized.
If I believe that misinformation and perceive it as the truth, it will certainly have an effect on me emotionally and physically in significant ways.
The more I engage with it, the more of it there appears to be - and this is especially true given algorithms. The more I try to stop it, the more engaged I am with it since the underlying belief is that it is somehow true, when in fact, it is just some generated misinformation. When I can see it as just simply misinformation - albeit super specifically highly targeted to my most intense fears kind of misinformation. I can more easily allow it to be there, even label it like I would other misinformation, but not need to engage and strengthen the fear "algorithm."


At the end of the day, I think it's most important to try different things and explore it all, as you're doing. There will be many contradictions and this is because some things just seem to work for some, while not for others - doesn't mean there isn't value there. Despite my efforts, trying to integrate ALL of the information and all of the research into a unified approach over the years, this never proves fruitful. But, I can integrate from so many different sources and shared experiences and piece together an overall approach complete with analogies that works for me and adjust it as needed for different times and experiences.

Sounds like you have found it helpful not to run away or freak out about the thoughts? Have there been specific things that helped you to allow them in this way and not engage?
 
NewBeginning said:
Different things seem to really be the key for different people.
This allowing, but not engaging definitely feels like it works best for me and my beliefs and perceptions of the thoughts play a huge role in making this possible.

Thinking of it like misinformation tends to really help me. There is so much misinformation in the world - certainly today it's gotten more detailed with so many AI bots and technology that makes it a challenge to even realize something isn't an actual human voice, for example - so the misinformation seems more real, especially since it is so personalized.
If I believe that misinformation and perceive it as the truth, it will certainly have an effect on me emotionally and physically in significant ways.
The more I engage with it, the more of it there appears to be - and this is especially true given algorithms. The more I try to stop it, the more engaged I am with it since the underlying belief is that it is somehow true, when in fact, it is just some generated misinformation. When I can see it as just simply misinformation - albeit super specifically highly targeted to my most intense fears kind of misinformation. I can more easily allow it to be there, even label it like I would other misinformation, but not need to engage and strengthen the fear "algorithm."


At the end of the day, I think it's most important to try different things and explore it all, as you're doing. There will be many contradictions and this is because some things just seem to work for some, while not for others - doesn't mean there isn't value there. Despite my efforts, trying to integrate ALL of the information and all of the research into a unified approach over the years, this never proves fruitful. But, I can integrate from so many different sources and shared experiences and piece together an overall approach complete with analogies that works for me and adjust it as needed for different times and experiences.

Sounds like you have found it helpful not to run away or freak out about the thoughts? Have there been specific things that helped you to allow them in this way and not engage?
Click to expand...

Love this post! Super helpful! The key aspect for me is spending time to research to gain understanding and knowledge of what I’m dealing with so that my belief system is as accurate as possible. I call this setting the foundations. So, for example, getting diagnostic tests to rule out a physical issue and researching TMS to conclude I am dealing with a TMS diagnosis. This is the hardest challenge out of all and I believe I’m nearly there. It has taken me several months to get to this place. Once a strong believe system is in place to support the diagnosis then I can allow thoughts without engaging. If I don’t have the strong belief system in place it’s really challenging to not engage as the thoughts can appear over empowering. A strong belief system can over empower those thoughts. Does this make sense?
 
mikeinlondon said:
If I don’t have the strong belief system in place it’s really challenging to not engage as the thoughts can appear over empowering. A strong belief system can over empower those thoughts. Does this make sense?
Click to expand...

This definitely makes sense!
A strong belief system deeply influences the thoughts we choose to align with, and it sounds like you're on a path that's actively exploring, reinforcing and embodying that awareness. That's great.

Beliefs and perception play such a powerful role in healing.
Fascinating research on the placebo effect substantiates this - even when people are told they're receiving a placebo, if their belief in the possibility of healing is strong enough, real, measurable benefits can still occur.

Just holding the belief that healing is possible can initiate shifts across mind, brain, body, and spirit. There are so many profound layers to this...

Thanks for sharing your experience!
 
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