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A gift in disguise

North Star

North Star

Beloved Grand Eagle
My sister brought me a big manila envelope the other day. It was full of letters I had written to her going back over 30 years. My personal time capsule.

My first reaction was "No, thanks!" (I didn't say that to her, I graciously accepted them.)

I approached them cautiously. Almost like peeking into the forbidden.

I'm so glad I did. I see now, it is a gift. It has helped me to understand my TMS development from waaaaaay back when. Comments from my 15-year-old self wishing that I could support my mom so she wouldn't have to work. The terror of my alcoholic sister pounding on the door of my house when I was home alone and I didn't know who it was.

My dreams…many of them are still here but left untouched for decades. My goodist tendencies. One letter I recount the medical drama of a month long illness.

It's all there.

I'm so grateful that I didn't just go out and burn them with a dismissive "the past is in the past." It's that pull yourself up by the bootstraps approach that set the table for TMS.

We don't have to be afraid of the past. We just can't dwell there or allow its memories to frighten us.

I intend to use these lessons to help me in my healing journey. :)
 
NS,

You are so fortunate to have that record of your younger self. When I journal about past events, I really have no idea how I was feeling at the time. I learned to repress at a young age, so I'm unable to remember emotions from the past. But having a record that I wrote at the time would at least give me some clues about what I was thinking and doing during difficult times.

A gift indeed! I admire you for having the courage to read through them.
 
Oh yes, repression! OMG, Ellen…I was an old pro way back then. Every letter has humor and a light touch on series topics. Very dismissive of heartache.
 
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