rooseramjet

My childhood was very dysfunctional. I’ve witnessed violence; I was neglected, abandoned emotionally & ended up with PTSD due to my childhood issues. These issues have created repressed anger. I was parentified and I had to look after my mom and siblings & in turn these issues created pain emotionally and physically. It took me about 40 years to realize that I have a problem then my journey of healing began. last year I was hit in the back of my car and got whiplash which triggered all my layers post trauma stress disorder memories. Took me a while to realize it was all psycho somatic. Being the perfectionist and caregiver and I think I have OCD. Everything has to be perfect. Even my healing process. My mind is overthinking and researching on how to heal. I just want to be. I want to be free of my healing. I want to just be healed. But I don’t want to be healing because that means I’m still not OK! I know this is a process and a journey of learning and knowing who I am. Layer on top of layer it’s peeling away getting to the root of the core. I just want to let go and be free from all of this. The layers have been coming for about 20 years now and I guess I’m just tired! I’m not going to give up on hope though! I’m a true believer in TMS & Dr. Sarno is my saviour! I just didn’t realize how much rage I have repressed!