blporter14

Need some advice on my pelvic pain journey… some tough love maybe would be great. My story began after my epidural wore off from pushing out my 9 lb son, and I felt like a semi-truck had ran through my pelvis. I couldn’t stand up because it felt like a loose bag of bones. I ended up having a pubic symphysis diastasis, my SI joint on right side was seperated, femoral nerve issues. I couldn’t walk, hold my baby, or adduct my legs. Over the next few weeks because my pelvis was so unstable my pelvic floor became incredibly tight hanging on for dear life and that’s when the vaginal burning started. It felt like I had fire at the vulva to where underwear, sex, clothes, everything hurt. They offered me a massive surgery to place a metal plate in my pubic bone and screws in my SI joints, but I chose to go the regenerative medicine route and have platelet rich plasma and prolotherapy injected into all my pelvic ligaments to help them heal and stabilize my pelvis. I had over 1000 injections over the course of 6 months and you could see my joints stabilizing via imaging, I also became completely pain free. I was pain free for 6 years and even chose to have another baby via C-section. In that time I went to therapy and dealt with the trauma of the birth injury and the anger I felt that the medical community had totally failed me. That brings me to now. 16 months ago, in a VERY stressful season of life, I started having the vaginal burning again. The hip pain, SI joint pain and all of that had returned after my second pregnancy, but not bad to the point I sought treatment. Once the fire restarted at my vulva, there was no ignoring that. I rewent through all the PRP injections, was back in pelvic floor PT, was given amytripptilline, gabapentin, baclofen cream to rub on my vulva. 16 months later (now) I was still on fire. Truly ruining my life, giving me dark thoughts, making it hard to be a wife mother, anesthesia provider. Wearing underwear hurt and the day after sex I feel shredded. My hip pain, Si joint pain and pelvic floor feel so much better, but this burning is killing me. I eventually, a few months ago stumbled upon TMS, and have read some Sarno books, Claire Weekes, listening to podcasts ect, meanwhile gathering evidence that what I now have going on is psychological and not physical. I have really been tuning into all the resentment and rage that I was shoving down, and am working with a sexual therapist to try to help not store all my tension in my pelvis. I have even re-evaluated my entire life and quit my fulltime anesthesia job, going to very part time bc I realized having peoples lives in my hands all day was becoming really hard on my nervous system. The burning is truly ruining my life. I told my husband if I get a 30 second break from thinking about it, I feel relieved. I have been gathering my evidence that this is TMS, and I know that emotions are 100% playing a role. I am wondering if taking medicine like nortrypttiline would set back my dedication towards treating this as TMS? I have held off on any oral drugs bc I truly want to overcome this more naturally, but at this point I can’t keep living like this. Scientifically it would be addressing the nerve receptors which are very clearly angry. I am definitely not making up the nerve pain, it is very very real and debilitating. I had abandoned PT, pain creams, ect and have been solely focusing on the psychological. Have honestly been trying to live my life and be indifferent to whether it’s a good or bad pain day. I have even had a few good days, which make the bad days much more distressing, yet trying to stay indifferent which if you’ve been there you have to admit is hard to do. Wouldn’t nortrypttiline also be addressing some psychological issues? At this point, I am over this burning ruining my life. My pain 9 years ago was due to a physical injury, but I’m convinced it recurred bc of psychological reasons. I am recognizing and feeling my rage, anger, resentment, journaling through all the prompts in this website which I find helpful, making lifestyle changes that better serve my nervous system such as less work hours, dealing w trauma in therapy. I have the most supportive husband. Any tips on next steps would be appreciated. I have binged so many of your alls stories and find they keep me going.