nora97

Hi all - I've been a lurker on this Wiki for a few years now, but have finally decided to create an account and share my story.

My name is Nora and I am 28 years old. When I was 20 years old, I was hit by a car as a pedestrian while studying at Cornell University. While the accident certainly could have been worse, I developed back pain that became a focal point in my life for years after the accident. I resolved myself into thinking that I would just have to live with this forever. The year after, when I began working my first full-time job in New York City, I noticed a different physical ailment was becoming a focal point in my life - perpetual bloating and distention of my stomach. Naturally, I fell down the rabbit hole of spending too much money on GI doctors, antibiotics and more to no avail. My bloating lasted about a year before I simply gave up and once again resolved that I might have to live with this for the rest of my life. I ended up switching jobs from a very stressful finance job to a less stressful job in biotech. Coincidentally, my bloating began to become less important and less noticeable. That was my first sign that stress might have caused my bloating, but I did not make the link to my back pain, and continued to receive steroid injections in my back and see a chiropractor, physical therapist and acupuncturist weekly.

It wasn't until I began graduate school when a third ailment began to take over my attention that I realized there might be a pattern. I began to have a sudden bout of chronic insomnia and intense anxiety over sleep. Although I entertained the idea that stress may be contributing, I could not understand what I was stressed about. I was in a great relationship with my now fiance, I was studying at Harvard in a prestigious graduate program, and I generally felt good in my life. Yet, the insomnia caused me to once again obsess over my symptoms, watch every YouTube video out there, and put my faith into this medicine or the next. I felt so desperate for a cure, that for the first time I wanted to invest in understanding these patterns of behavior and recurrent thoughts in my mind. I began meditating consistently, and this time it really stuck (shoutout to Sam Harris's Waking Up app). Fortuitously, a few weeks later while walking around campus I saw a flier for a back pain clinical trial for chronic sufferers. I decided there was nothing I could really lose, and it turned out the clinical trial was a mindfulness based stress reduction program for back pain, inspired by Dr. Sarno. I completed the multi-week course and at the time did not feel that this was revolutionary or very inspiring. But when looking back, I did not notice that I stopped identifying as someone with back pain. Without realizing it, I had re-wired my brain to think psychological, not physical. This change was gradual and I almost forgot that I had any back pain. ~4 years later, and I am still pain free. I applied the same concepts to my insomnia and feel that I "cured" it simply by accepting outcome independence - whether I slept that night or not was not an issue. I would be ok. Now, I get a sound 8 hours almost every night, and do not identify as an insomniac.