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Why do people hate people who are too nice...?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Gigalos, Jan 23, 2015.

  1. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    Just a question that popped up during a discussion with someone... why do some of us get annoyed with people who are too docile and always agree with whatever we say?
    I have a feeling it has to do with uncertainty, we don't want to bear the responsibility of every opinion that we out or decision that we make, we want the other person to bear some of it...

    any opinions/thoughts/links, greatly appreciated.
  2. Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)

    Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021) Beloved Grand Eagle

    One of my best friends is in a divorce after 25 years.
    He is a gentle guy who tries not to get into arguments with her,
    but she seems to mistake this for weakness and wants to dominate him.

    I''ve sensed this in the wife when I've been with them over the years.

    It looks like this has escalated into her expressing hatred toward him,
    when to me I think she should appreciate him.

    She seems to be someone who is an example of your question...
    "Why do people hate people are too nice?"

    Another friend's father had such a domineering wife, and was so
    henpecked, he joined Chenault's Flying Tigers in 1940, before the US
    got into World War II. He'd rather fight the Japanese than live any longer
    under his wife's tyranny.

    I like the phrase, "Make love, not war."
    Gigalos likes this.
  3. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    I agree with you. I want my relationships to be a partnership, where all share in the decision making, the risk, and therefore, the responsibility.
    Gigalos likes this.
  4. Dahlia

    Dahlia Well known member

    I think it has something to do with the fact if someone does not ever express their own thoughts or opinions, well, then they are never expressing themselves. It can be like trying to have a relationship with someone who is trying to be invisible; never show who they really are; never express their uniqueness. Then that leaves the other person with all the work for the relationship. Too much work and not nearly as interesting as interacting with a unique "other". It takes 2 to tango.

    Now if by "too nice" you mean always kind and generous, that's something else entirely.
    Gigalos and Ellen like this.
  5. Gigalos

    Gigalos Beloved Grand Eagle

    thanks for the responses so far, although I hate it when you agree with me ;)
  6. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    I agree with most of what's been posted already. I'm divorced many years now and one of his things was to never have an opinion on the day-to-day stuff, leaving me almost like a parent having to decide for the two of us. (And, honestly... his input to our relationship bordered on that of a potted plant.)

    BUT, then after the fact, he'd criticize my choices and when I asked him why he didn't just express an opinion to start with, he went into victim mode. Part of our problem was that he was an alcoholic and prone to revisionist histories while I was a very good enabler stepping up to the role of 'parenting' him since I came from a family that never go divorced, no. matter. what.

    In the end he dumped me and that was probably one of the best things that could have ever happened to me because my up-bringing demanded that I stay with him through thick and thin, till death do us part.

    NOW, as a result of that experience, I have no tolerance for people without opinions because I view them as holding that 'victim' card to play later. AND, I don't really see them as "nice" in the way you have used it. I see them as completely deceitful. Sorry, just how I view it because of my experiences.

    AND... I know plenty of people who are VERY NICE and have no problem discussing/debating anything. I find those qualities (nice people + can debate topics without going for the juggler vein) some the the best people to be around. Those are the people that I see as NICE. They're people who are curious and actively seek to understand the other people that they're interacting with.
  7. IrishSceptic

    IrishSceptic Podcast Visionary

    part human nature, part of modern society. people view nice people as pushovers to be trampled over in the rat race and it is usually the most argumentative and abrasive that make it to the top. see politics, for some good examples of this!

    some good quotes I came across on this topic and especially pertinent for TMS personality types.

    “If we live for people’s acceptance, we will die from their rejection.” ~Lecrae

    “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.”

    ― Thich Nhat Hanh
  8. IrishSceptic

    IrishSceptic Podcast Visionary

    One other prejudice that I've been guilty of is the ''too sweet to be wholesome'' idea.
    People who are overly nice are deemed to be hiding something.
    I've even taken to prejudging those who don't drink alcohol(somewhat of a rarity in Irish society) as they are deemed unwilling to let their hair down.
  9. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    @Irish... I like your quotes, but I think they are looking at the mirror of the question. But, its interesting, maybe we don't like the "no opinion" people (sorry, I just can't call them "nice")... because we bristle at people who have the traits that we don't like in ourselves?
    IrishSceptic likes this.
  10. Buckeye

    Buckeye Peer Supporter

    hehehe... @Irish.... I don't judge people who don't drink (or don't eat meat, or don't... )... I judge the ones that make a point of advertising that they don't do XYZ and I do assume them to be hiding something... I've known Hindi's and all sorts of people who abstain from all sorts of things... none have advertised it unless they were looking for that "edge" by wearing their "betterness" on their sleeve.

    *** disclaimer, I'm only a little over a week into the TMS stuff and am struggling with the journalling... so am a bit on the cranky side lately... perhaps after more work, I will see the good in everyone, but for now, I'm still operating from a guarded mentality.***
    IrishSceptic likes this.

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