The mind is a pendulum

My mind oscillates crazy between happiness and unhappiness, between hope and despair.

The scars from childhood abuse are really deep. There are times when I am happy that I have overcome an abusive upbringing, and then there are times when I feel my father is right with me, even though he is more than 3,000 miles away. I keep going in circles between thinking I have beaten depression/TMS and I am still stuck in that cycle.

Mindfulness helps at times, but it doesn't take much to slip in the old rut. Mindfulnesses, and being in the moment is pure bliss, but the flashbacks of the past are equally hell-like. I guess I need to keep exercising the brain by practising mindfulness.

 

Exactly, the more you practice, the greater space you create between you and the past, until eventually it has no hold over you.

 

Hi,levinfin. I like the mindfulness meditation on Youtube from Michael Sealey called "Guided Meditation for Detachment from Over-thinking."
His voice is very relaxing as he focuses on mindfulness of breathing in the present moment. I almost fall asleep listening, so it is especially good before bedtime, but also good anything the mind keeps us on a treadmill.

Maybe you need to work more on forgiving your father. Let the past go. Live now, in the present moment.

Your father may have TMS himself.

 

Hi levfin003,

For me reading the Presence Proces by Micheal Brown has helped a lot with dealing with childhood issues that kept coming back.