I haven't yet been able to free myself from pain, but if I'm to practice outcome independence, I can still see some benefits in spite of the lingering pain. I do think my pain has changed some. It has gone back to where it was some months ago: an aching stiffness. The last couple of months it has taken the form of some aching and stiffness punctuated with horrible stabbing pain and spasms. So there's that. More, though, I think the TMS diagnosis is making me face up to the reality of how I live and have been living. I've "known" that I should take my job less seriously and find a way to "satisfice" more. I've known for a while that I am ridiculous in my perfectionism. I've known that I'm on the path to burn-out. I've not wanted to live as I live. I've missed the sense of joie de vivre that I used to have, but I've sort of thrown up my metaphysical hands and said, "Oh well. This is my life now" and ignored the problem. TMS makes me have to face those facts FOR REAL. I don't yet know how I'm going to deal with the logistics of healing, but I have come to the hard conclusion that it needs to be done. Here's another good thing: I tried running again. It didn't feel good, exactly, but it didn't feel as bad as I thought it would. I went slowly and only for a minute at a time. My back is now NOT happy. But my soul is. I love the feeling of running and I love the feeling of having run. I love feeling strong and fit rather than weak and vulnerable. The whole world is more beautiful when I am a runner. I was waiting to try running until, as Dr. Sarno suggests in his book, I had the TMS under control. I don't yet, but the doctor I saw said that I might just have to get back to running anyway and conquer my pain that way. Even with as uncomfortable as it was, the prospect of doing a few one-minute runs on Tuesday makes me smile. Finally, I have "met" a few people via this forum that are serving as a voice of reason for me. The other day I was beating myself up mentally, recognized it, and then pretended that a wise grand eagle was listening in. Even though I was making you up (as I haven't REALLY met you,) the words you have shared here have helped me see myself in a new light. Keep up the good work, TMS survivors! You are putting good energy into the world.