I have not yet seen the fruits of TMS, but when I first discovered it--and then again yesterday--I saw it as something that could potentially be something to be grateful for. I have seen advertisements for things like fitbits that are for mood instead of steps, and I thought, "Wow! My body has its own built-in mood tracker!" But then I forgot to think about it that way when it seemed like nothing was affecting my pain. Maybe I'm just not calm yet. No, I am not yet a more peaceful, calm, centered person. I haven't yet figured out the logistics (where and when) of starting a meditation practice. But the good thing about TMS could be that it inspires me to remember what my real goals are and what kind of person I really want to be. I've been distracted by the hustle and bustle of my current life. I don't see a way out of that mayhem just now, but without TMS, I would probably stop trying and just let myself get more and more overwhelmed and tense. That isn't who I want to be. I want this TMS thing to be a real thing. I hope I have it. I hope I can learn to be the sort of person who can first learn to tame it and then learn to use it and eventually see it as the thing that made me the person I want to be. Yesterday on my walk (yes, I did it in spite of all of the other things I should have been doing,) I thought about my hyped-up, tense, perfectionistic, worry-prone self and thought, "Well, damn, this is just who God made me to be." But then I realized that that might be who I have become, not who I was intended to be. Yes, I have always been intense and gone after challenges and been something of a worrier, but also I've been told so many times "fear not" and "Do not worry about your life." There is a hymn that says When through fiery trials your pathway shall lie, My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply. The flame shall not harm thee, my only design Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine. It hasn't yet, but I'm going to hope that TMS will be the thing that helps me burn my dross and refine my gold.