For two days I have felt this heavy sensation in my chest, or more like inside the chest at the spine (on my back between my shoulder). It feels like sadness. When I recognize the physical sensation I feel sad and heavy. When I ignore it I feel some pain in all my problem areas (but still down a lot). Days 1-7 my sadness have been much more crying and softness in eyes etc also. The sensation is there constantly if I pay attention. I can't really put my finger on if its from many things or not. One thing that pops up is failure. That my expectation from working as hard as I have done for basically 15 years would have summed up to more "success". The reward for not prioritizing myself and my feelings, and instead just keep pushing, have been so low. Like I could have accomplished the same or better with much less suffering. Or even with great joy instead. That feels sad. Very sad. It feels unnecessary. It feels like a big mistake to treat yourself so relentlessly. And why? Why do you do this to yourself? My intellect is angry, my body is sad.