Pre-Dawn Pain

It was from Caroline Myss I first learned of the concept that Biography becomes Biology. It made complete sense to me. As does TMS/Mind-Body. I know many things. My body, though, still struggles to reconcile all the overwhelming evidences versus its own deep memories.

When darkness is the deepest, and stillness is the longest, the pain weaves like a web, encasing my body. I liken to the web of a Black Widow (one of the most beautiful spiders). Her web is sticky and strong and unstructured in design. That is one of the clear signs of her presence.

Our bed is on the living floor in front of the wood stove. I literally roll off the bed and crawl to the stove to replenish the wood. Crawling is less painful. Everything is in lock down, pulled tight. Getting back into bed is another breath-holding transition, though I concentrate on releasing that breath.

I crave sleep, yet sleep will produce the most pain. Stillness is my enemy. While I rarely have the debilitating nightmares anymore, my body remembers, and produces the pain. The gabapentin allows me the non-anxiety of sleep, and it is blissful within itself. It is the very act of a good sleep that enhances the gasping pain. It is a trade off, of sorts. I would rather have a good sleep, than not. I know the pain will diminish as movement increases.

The question in all this is -- does anyone else have similar issues? Are there any new tools I might add to my growing tool box?

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

First off Lily, my compassion for the pain you are experiencing. From your post, I can see that it is consuming. And how frustrating to have sleep, normally a reprieve, produce more pain. I remember reading in Sarno's book or somewhere - that stillness/sleep can bring up the pain, because the unconscious has more latitude to try and bring things up - resulting in distracting pain.
I have finished this program and have just started on Shubiners book Unlearn Your Pain. You get a CD of meditations that help reach the subconscious. One of the dialogues he suggests having is saying the statement - I accept myself and my body just the way I am right now... Or something like that. Its been tough to say that when I have spasms - but I am finding that the acceptance piece is softening the brain's message to cause pain.
Finding gentleness in the midst of pain is hard and takes lots and lots of practice. Personally, I would rather be practicing something else, like the piano! ha-ha But I am accepting this moves me toward openness and willingness. I hope this helps. At the very least... I am grateful that you have shared with us, your experiences!!

 

Hi Lily Rose,
Sorry to hear that you having pain and that sleep is not the respite it should be. I had experienced this phenomenon for many years--waking up with pain and/or migraines. I was reading a book on trauma by a neurologist and trauma researcher (Dr. Richard Scaer) recently, and he described his theory that this pain is triggered during REM (dream) sleep. He states that the purpose of dreams is to integrate current experience with past experience. So if one's current stress is triggering past trauma than the subconscious will resort to the same distraction technique used when awake.

But as my pain while awake has lessened, so has my pain on awakening. So I think the same TMS techniques that work on pain while awake will help on the pain that occurs in sleep. At least that has been my experience.

 

Lily Rose, I agree that the best thing you can do is keep practicing the TMS healing tehniques.

Two of my favorites are deep breathing a laughing at pain or anger or anxiety.

I dream a lot. Two or three dreams a night.
My least favorites are dreams where I can't find my parked car
or I'm taking a test in college and somehow I haven't written any answers
and there's only 5 minutes left on the clock.
I call them my "frustration" dreams, and they may be from a lot of TMS repressed emotions.
But I haven't had those lately and think maybe I finally got those out of my unconscious.

Try more relaxing mantras in bed. The might help you to sleep and without pain.

 

Hello Lily Rose. I'm so sorry for your suffering.
I discovered Dr. Sarno only a month ago. My pain crisis had been going on for 7 years however and I tried many many treatments and had accumulated a lot of tools. One of the most direct and powerful was self-hypnosis. At first I learned guided techniques from a chronic pain audio program. Once I had learned that I was able to go into trance with the audio program and eliminate the pain completely, while in trance. Once I came out of trance and was up and around the pain would return. So I found a hypnotherapist who specialized in pain with whom I have been working for about 2 years now.

She has shown me numerous hypnotic tools so that I have a variety to chose from. If one doesn't work, I try another, or if it is really bad, I use all at once. I am able to use trance when I am active, even driving a car.

Anyway, all of this just to say that there are powerful hypnotic tools to communicate with your unconscious and to help pain and sleep. Hypnosis is as powerful as any drug and has no side-effects! I'm sure you have heard about people having surgery with no anesthesia, just using hypnosis.

I hope this is useful. Please let me know if I can provide more information.

I wish you blissful rest!

 

These responses are so warm and encouraging. The combination of pathways to healing are so unique to each person. It is like having a colorful puzzle with the pieces spread across the table. The difference is that the puzzle forms a picture that is appropriate for each person working it. (I'm a puzzle addict, thus the analogy).

Hypnosis is something I have shied away from. To allow someone else to control me is beyond my emotional tolerance. It evokes instant fear just in the contemplation. Self-hypnosis, however, might be something I can explore. Thank you, Mary, for the reminder of this tool.

It occurs to me that guided meditation would be a form of hypnosis ... this I can do, and have done. Again, the combination of tools, mmm yes. I have the book Unlearn Your Pain on my Amazon wish list. I did not realize it came with a cd.

I was also unaware of the precise concept that REM reconciles past with present. Perhaps it is best that I don't sleep! Kidding, of course.

Thank you all for such lovely replies. And Walt .... your laughter always makes me smile

with grace and gratitude,
^_^

 

Just to reassure you, hypnosis does not involve letting someone else control you. All hypnosis is in fact self-hypnosis. No one can make do anything while hypnotized that you would not do otherwise.

For a problem like pain, self-hypnosis is where you want to end up anyway because you want the tools available when you need it. My hypnotherapist has been training me to do-it-myself and I have learned very sophisticated methods from her that I never would have found in a book.

I respect that everyone solves their own puzzle in their own way. There is no "one size fits all", that's for sure!

Wishing you wonderful discoveries.

 

Lily Rose, have you listened to the Claire Week's audio. Eric pointed someone else in that direction and I have found them useful.
http://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/claire-weekes-audio.2569/