Hey folks, it's me again, your friendly neighborhood TMS supporter. I'll try to keep this short. I was REALLY doing well with my TMS recovery. At the point where my symptoms (shoulder and neck pain) were down to a 2 or 3 from a 7 or 8. I've been working with Dr. David Schechter, things going well. Finished one of his workbooks, on to doing it again. In psychotherapy weekly with a great therapist, and my regular MD fully agrees I have TMS. All good. I have a great support team. As of late, a lot of life stresses have been gnawing at me...day job stress (moving out of day job and into photography, my passion), trying to reconcile with my ex-gf (all good, but hard work), roommate moving out (good but stressful) and trying to build my business as a photographer. All of the stresses in my life (for the most part) are good ones, but still, a lot of changes. Change is a hard one for me, and always triggers my TMS. For the last few months, I've been dealing with a lot of life changes. My dad died on April 7th and I was in a car accident on the same day. My gf and I had broken up about a month prior. Pretty much since then, my TMS took a turn for the worse. Of course. Here is where my symptoms are at now...they have come back AND they jump around. My shoulders feel sore, then my neck, then I'll feel a pain in my stomach (IBS since teens), or I'll get a weird sweat gland infection (recurring in armpits) or my leg muscles will hurt suddenly or I will feel dizzy or anxious or my TMJ will start acting up or my lower back will hurt, or my allergies will act up, etc...it always lands back in my shoulders and neck (original site of severe TMS) but in general, I feel like I am falling apart. I feel like in some ways, everything in my life is caving in on me. I am also on several meds (a low dose of a Benzo, Klonipin, and a low dose of an anti-depressant, Lexapro). I have very good docs who are monitoring me. The meds help, but I know they are not forever. I feel some guilt around having to use medicine to control my anxiety and OCD, but ALL of my instincts (and docs) tell me I need to let that go. They plan on weaning me off the benzo VERY slowly at some point. Right now, it is helping my anxiety and allowing me to function, so it is worth it. I feel fear around it. I am VERY hard on myself in all the wrong ways. When I type that, I feel like crying. I have a lot of suppressed rage, I can see it, sometimes it leaks out, and I am a MAJOR goodist. This fight between my inner anger and the desire to be "Mr. Nice Guy" is the key to my TMS and I know it, but I still am unsure how to fix it. I feel like "Mr. Not So Nice Guy" and "Mr. Nice Guy" is playing Doctor Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde with my body as the punching bag. How do I reconcile the push and pull between my ID and my Superego? THAT is the key. I've read all of Sarno and the rest multiple times. It's like I get this all on an intellectual level, but I need to put it into action. I hope all this isn't "overshare", I'm just pouring my heart out here. I feel like I am finally coming to the point where I have my TMS on the ropes, but as I give it hell, it is swinging back HARD. Perhaps I'm just looking for support and for some voices to tell me that I am going in the right direction. Lastly, I really am coming to a point where I know I need to exercise and am scared to death. Dr. Schechter told me it is VITAL, but every time I do it, I get worse. How do I push through. I have never exercised, have major inertia in this area. Thanks, guys!