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I think I have TMS what can I do?

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by Berend, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. Berend

    Berend New Member


    I think I have TMS. This is because I have always had problems through my life with headaches and stomach aches at stressfull moments. Now (I am 22 btw) I am suffering from extreme fatigue (I am able to work and study half days). This extreme fatigue started when I was about 2 months into my first internship. When I started the internship I got sick about every once a weak after work. I got headaches or even as bad as vomitting. After 2 months I got pretty sick for 5 days and after that sick period the fatigue stayed.

    Over this period I got checked out at the traditional doctor, blood tests, psychologist, hormone test and on. I also tried alternative ways like chiropractic, accupuncture, accupressure, stress relief, etc. Nothing seemed to work. Over the time more problems started to rise, foot pain, acute very bad knee pain so I couldn't walk and was gone in a few days, hip pain, pelvic pain, neck pain, shoulder pain, headaches, ibm. These shifted around and at the moment I think I just reshifted my neckpain back into footpain, buttock pain and jaw pain.

    Last week I found online some stuff about dr Sarno and I bought his books. I have already read Healing backpain and now I am reading the divided mind. Also I work on the mind body workbook from David Schechter and trying to write out my emotions but I am not particulary good at that. I am trying to remember stuff from the past and write a feeling by it but I don't feel very much changing. I have also bought The great pain deception and Unlearn your pain to read later to get more understanding in the proces. I think I understand quite how it works and I think I got it but I think it doesn't quite sink into me.

    I think my problems come from emotions from the past and fear. I don't have things like abussion but I got a quite critical dominant father and a really insecure mother. They divorced when I was 12, I live at my fathers place together with my brother and sister because my mother was physiologically not very stable at the time and my father has a house with land around it and we couldn't after our life out here life in a small house in the city. I think I always felt bad if I didn't fullfill the expectations and I never really felt secure at my parents with a few exceptions.
    About the fear I think I have some for my father coming frome the past cause now there is nothing to be scared of but I still have it somehow if he gets mad at me or someone else. I also have the fear for my pain.

    Nowadays I still life at my father, my brother moved out and my sister lives in another city for school. I still attend school but I only have a half year to graduate and I am quite nervous to start with it because the pain sometimes gets worse and my last half year is doing an internship and I really hate it to do it half days and being many days sick. I do stand up a lot more against my father and he accepted it a whole lot more compared to the past but I somehow still got some fear of it.

    So my question is I am now reading more and more about TMS and trying to write out my emotions. I live in the Netherlands and I don't think a mindbody practioner is around here and I also don't know if I need that. Do I do enough with the studying of TMS and the writing out the problems/emotions? And do you guys agree on the symptoms that it is TMS? Oh yeah and I am also following the pain recovery program from Alan Gordon on this forum (now on day 4).
  2. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    That's a great place to start. Each one of us has to Learn, let it sink in and then make some educated decisions on what will help us along. Many people have full resolution of their symptoms just by reading. Some by Reading and Writing. Only a couple of people need to go and work with a therapist, but that's not a bad Idea as long as the point of the therapy is to get at repressed ANGER .

    Dr. Sarno explains this really well in the Mindbody Prescription. The anger we know about e.g. Family, Job, school, social pressures is not what is causing the pain (though it may contribute)
    The anger that is making symptoms is deep down dark anger that is scary... like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum. We can only get glimpses of it...sometimes in our sleep, but mostly we have to postulate what it might be by the evidence we have from the Narcissist Vs. Low self esteem that is inside all of us.

    Keep reading and scribbling down anything that remotely resonates with rage and anger... Only you know your own experience so YOU are your best resource for recovering. Far and away the most important thing is to keep studying TMS like you are doing.... the unconscious is slow and is usually a few weeks behind the conscious mind.

    oh yeah... BTW.... That is definitely TMS.

    JanAtheCPA and BinLA like this.
  3. BinLA

    BinLA Peer Supporter

    Welcome Berend,

    Sounds like you've come to the right place and the SEP is a great way to get going. It's a pretty individual experience and you'll see varying ways people recover around here. Some love journaling and it seems to be their key component in their recovery, some have no need for it at all. Some TMS folks can be a bit religious sounding in their banter, so just keep that in mind. There are some genreral principes everyone agrees on, but plenty of grey areas.

    I think it really comes down to trying to find a level of self-awareness, and then catering your recovery methods to your personality.
    For me, I can't stand journaling. It feels empty and procedural to me. But, I can talk about things pretty openly (with a therapist) and try to implement changes that way. But, people like Nichole Sachs have guests on who practially do nothing BUT journal, and have great success with it.
    Some people really challenge their symptoms, some people seem to need more self-kindness in their approach.

    Work on figuring out what knid of person you are in this regard, and then getting to the basics like elimination of the fear, acceptance, etc.
    (The hard stuff lol)

    Good luck.
  4. Miriam G. Bongiovanni

    Miriam G. Bongiovanni Peer Supporter

    Hi Berend,

    It does sound like you've got TMS given your range of symptoms. As the others said, the SEP is a good free resource, but make sure you don't rush through it. Just do it day by day and you'll start getting insight for sure.

    You could also spend some time thinking about what happened just before or when the pain started. You mentioned an internship... that must have been pretty stressful; at your age you probably desperately need the experience and you probably wish to excel at this internship. It could therefore also be a problem of self-confidence, OR, it could also be an internal conflict (maybe you didn't really want to do the internship, but your inner child was/is wishing it could be doing something else?). It's important to be very self-aware of your true desires and of things that may be bothering you.

    With regards to the fear of pain, one of the keys to healing from TMS is to start reacting differently to the pain. If you keep reacting with fear, then you will reinforce the cycle. Once you are convinced that what you've got is TMS, you've got to learn how to observe your pain as well as your own reactions to it, and start changing them to more neutral, calm reactions. I used to even laugh at my pain when I was getting better, or talk to it in a patient voice - like I would speak to a misbehaving child - without too much frustration, showing it that I couldn't be bothered, because I was no longer a victim. Body scan meditations should help you with noticing and accepting your pain without reacting with fear or frustration, as can self-talk.

    In case you need additional help, I'm a Pain Coach based in Malta (Europe), and I've got some free resources on my website if you'd like to get the basics of TMS they might help you (https://www.painoutsidethebox.com). I also conduct sessions online, but for now I think you should definitely take your time and learn as much as you could about TMS.

    All the best!

  5. Berend

    Berend New Member

    Thank you for your responses, means a lot to me.
    Right now I will start with the SEP and I am really looking forward to it, I will also continue with the pain program from Alan and reading more into the theory of TMS.

  6. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    The one thing that gets in the way of most people is that our fearful brains won't let us see or feel the negative emotions that are being repressed. When I did the SEP, I found my brain literally telling me "Oh, don't write that down, it's too shameful, and it's not really important anyway". I had to force myself to write those things down anyway, and they turned out to be very helpful in examining some of the childhood interactions that still bothered my deep unconscious sense of myself.

    In your case, I suggest really getting in touch with yourself as a small child, and experience what it was like to to be raised by a critical father and an absent, perhaps ineffective mother. It must have been very lonely and isolating for you, at a very young age, when you should have been experiencing protection and nurturing and love from these two people. This is a very significant issue for a child.

    I myself experienced some minor isolation as a young child, but I spent many years of my life completely unaware and with no memory of that time until I did the TMS work at age 60. Remembering and acknowledging the experience really helped me understand a lot of my fearful behaviors throughout my life, and it still (now age 68) gives me the strength to recognize, accept, and nurture myself through current times when I might feel isolated. And have no doubt: Isolation is a big issue for human beings, because being part of a community is essential for our survival.
  7. Berend

    Berend New Member

    I now try to daily journal about the day and the thoughts I have and I noticed the same as you, don't write that down it's too shameful and it's not so important. I try to write them out and go as deep as possible in it.
    Also I found with the unlearnyourpain which I started at day 1 yesterday about really looking back in your life I found a few shocking discoveries like with the critical father sometimes being a bit emotional abusive with things like you're lazy when I didn't work hard enough or wanted to play because I was a child. I also know that he was raised the same way so I understand it somehow but it's up to me to break that chain because I don't want to be like that.
    That's one of the things to name I came up but I find it really hard to remember things at really early age like before 4. I know I was really exurbant as a child, too much and I know I was hardly punished for that but I can't remember it because it's too long ago.
    JanAtheCPA likes this.
  8. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Excellent! You know, I've given this advice many times, but you are the first person who has reported back that you experienced the same exact thing that I did! :D
  9. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    PS, I don't believe I have any memories from before age 4 or 5, but something that I learned somewhere while doing this work is to imagine myself even younger, receiving all of the love and care and attention of my parents, and to feel safe and nurtured. It's a way to practice self love and self compassion while also being vulnerable to every human's desire to feel that way again.
    Berend likes this.
  10. servette

    servette Newcomer

    Hello Berend, I'm also from The Netherlands and searching for a doctor or therapist to get some support in this proces. At first I found a Dutch book: Weg van de pijn by Saskia de Bruin. It's very good and also contains exercises for journaling.
    I found 2 therapists but unfortunately they are not really close to the place I live. They are Frieda van Dijen in Wijk bij Duurstede and Nienke Feberwee in Utrecht/Wageningen (emotiealsmedicijn.nl)
  11. balance4me

    balance4me New Member

    Hi Berend--enjoyed your post.

    Many of us have not written anything down and still healed themselves, so don't worry if the writing is hard for you. I found success with just sitting alone and talking to the "toddler" within. Letting her be furious--yelling out all the things I was mad about--even the most absurd! I also told her she was "right" to be mad; it was OK to be mad; I didn't blame her for being mad. Then I proceeded to tell my brain that I knew exactly what it was doing--stop the physical symptoms! And that I would rather deal with my emotions consciously from now on!

    This approach worked for me. Hope this helps and the best of luck!
    AnonymousNick likes this.

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