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I had no idea scaring myself was a form of abuse! Part2

Discussion in 'Alan Gordon TMS Recovery Program' started by Zuz, Apr 30, 2021.

  1. Zuz

    Zuz Peer Supporter

    I am reading part1, part 2 and my jaw just dropped. I felt I was pretty good for the past ten years not being mean and not criticize myself. HA! I just read that scaring your self is a way of not being nice to yourself.
    It makes sense, scaring another person would not be nice.
    Oh wait, my mom does this to me ALL THE TIME guess where I learned that part ‍♂️. I am pretty good at recognizing when she or ( rarely) others do it to me so perhaps I will be able to put limits to myself when I start doing it to myself?
    I have crippling back pain for 21 years on and off and pretty much feel afraid of ending up unable to work ( self employed ) and enjoy life. I am only 41, I want to go back to canoeing, camping, playing with dogs..
    Thank you so much for this forum, program and ressources, I was dreaming about finding hope for the last years
    Ellen likes this.
  2. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    Welcome to the Forum, Zuz!

    You have had an important realization, and will probably have many more as you go forward with TMS learning and techniques. It's a wonderful way to learn about ourselves and relieve our pain and other mindbody symptoms.

    Let us know if we can answer any questions or provide support along the way. I look forward to hearing about your progress.
  3. Zuz

    Zuz Peer Supporter

    Thank you
    Loads of discoveries. I am learning hard to stop se ding fear alarms ALL THE TIME everyday. It was really really better ☀️so I did a tiny bit of gardening. Super easy, nothing heavy. It got much worse, again tons of tension in the lower and middle back and all my trunck is crooked.
    At least, this time, I did not panic. Not sure this time it was caused by stresses ( like blocking my back a week ago and many other times). I think more conditionning that if I do ANYTHING it will hurt ‍♂️. At least I enjoyed half an hour of gardening.
    I am a bit mixed up about stretching:
    - it’s clear: worries and my brain is well able to start loads of tension that ends up being painful
    - usually the somatic observation should be the thing to do? ( and also thinking what was I thinking and feeling to get there, very interesting)
    - is it ok to stretch? I know it’s a lot of not giving attention to the pain and not nourrish it. But once the tension is there, for hours and days, is it ok to simply stretch if it helps? Not instead of the work around it. Just helping the muscle release while the brain - now better trained- tells it it was a false alarm, you can relax? Some muscles don’t remember how to relax, they are tense for twenty years.

    i had stomach pain during childhood ( clearly stress) that transformed into back pain in my late teens. It’s been over twenty years that my muscles tense up to protect some back problems. I am now trying to convince my body that it was a wrong diagnostic, it’s all false alarms, that the problems in the scans that my family doctor was very worried about are not problematic enough so no need to ‘protect’.
    I have never been flexible a bit in the last year even when not in pain, I have sometimes trouble reaching my shoes. The stiffness is extreme. Trouble sitting, moving, even lying down can be hard. I noticed that the occasional one and half glass of wine with dinner is usually really helpful: this helped me believe it was mostly TMs. Now I am just not sure, while I try to read everything and learn, is it ok to stretch?

    thank you very much for the support
    Ellen likes this.
  4. Ellen

    Ellen Beloved Grand Eagle

    I think stretching is fine. I do yoga regularly. Just realize that if you have TMS, stretching is not a cure. Continue to focus on the psychological.
    Tennis Tom likes this.
  5. Zuz

    Zuz Peer Supporter

    Thank you :).
    I feel like I need a stretch so I guess as long as I don’t think it will alone take the pain away, it cannot set me back that much... i hope so. Will try and see!

    The last days were full of more pain then usual so very hard to not hope inside it will diminish the pain a bit, at least for a little moment. I spend a lot of time observing and breathing but it’s SO hard to not have any intention of relief when I am exhausted of just non stop pain. I have a feeling it’s harder to do non intent observation when there is no break in pain.
    Yesterday I had two little moments with less pain so I tried to really feel my body then, talk to my brain that, see? It’s not structural...
    Ithink I might be going trough an extinction burst of my mind trying to convince me my back has also structural problems as the pain takes forms that scare me most ( the low back compression trying to scare me I will end up paralyzed ).
    After 20 years of this on/off I still did not paralyze is probably the only argument I have now :p .
    It did ‘paralyze’ my life very often, not letting me do many things. And it’s when I tried to do a bit of an activity I miss the pain came back with a vengeance....
    Ellen likes this.
  6. mugwump

    mugwump Well known member

    Same here, I do stretching & yoga every day, my body is always on condition to do the hard tasks.
  7. Zuz

    Zuz Peer Supporter

    Thank you very much :).
    Now I am in an acute state to not being able to find and unpainful position and will have to take some solid anti inflammatory.
    I can’t wait to be back on the level of just feeling I need to stretch +++++
    Wishing you to find hard tasks pretty easy with your healthy body :)

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