Hello from London, UK

Hi - my name's Malcolm and I work and live in SE London. Been a Sarno convert since 2012 having suffered chronic low backpain since the mid nineties. Have learned to control my TMS but have recently had a relapse that is shaking my faith hence finding myself here. I have a busy life working as a higher level teaching assistant in an inner-city primary school but find my TMS recurring during the holidays so instead of enjoying my well-earned time off I spend it trying unsuccessfully to stave off back pain. Seems I don't like being left alone with my own thoughts and need the distraction of work. It's driving my wife nuts and I'm struggling to "think emotional" as I feel tired from work and unable to recharge my positive vibes.
Just an acknowledgement that I'm not alone would be comforting. Thanks for listening.

 

Hi, Malc. You are definitely not alone in your pain. People I know of all ages from teens to senior citizens (like me, I'm 84) have it or have had it.
I began having severe back pain when I was 82 and thought it was from lifting a case of 36 cans of beer at the supermarket. But I hadn't hurt my back. I learned from TMS that I had been repressing anger from my boyhood which emerged as pain to teach me about the TMS MindBody connection.

You have had medical exams which do not indicate anything structural, so your pain is psychological. I urge you to start the Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site. It will help you to discover repressed emotions.

Your work as a teacher can be stressful in itself. I was a newspaper reporter and in journalism school a professor told us all to
"assume an attitude of detached studiousness" so we did not take the work too personal or serious. You may have to work on that when dealing with students. They can drain your energy. Try to take some time for yourself at work and at home... practice deep breathing, doing calming imagery
picturing yourself on a sunny beach or your favorite vacation place, and tell yourself a calming manta such as "My pain is not structural... it's from my emotions."

I was in London for ten days some years ago and loved it. So much theatre and concerts, besides the history. I live in Chicago which has some of that, but not to the extend that London does. I hope you can enjoy some of it. It will help you to live in the present and not the past or future which can be worrisome.

 

Check out the Holmes and Rahe list of stressors here at the wiki; going on vacation is one of them, it's a change in your homeostasis:

http://www.tmswiki.org/ppd/The_Holmes_and_Rahe_Social_Readjustment_Rating_Scale_(SRRS) (The Holmes and Rahe Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS))​

 

Hello and welcome, Malcolm. I read an article in the Sunday Times the other week about "leisure sickness". It was fairly tongue-in-cheek but I could so relate to it. When I worked full time, my job involved working with disaffected young people. It was a wonderful distraction from my aches, pains and problems at home. There was many a weekend, never mind holiday break, where I would feel rotten on a Friday evening, be ill throughout the weekend but come Monday morning, I was fit as a fiddle. My last major relapse of back pain/sciatica took place when I was taking some time off before starting a new job. Needless to say, the job start was severely delayed due to my incapacity. So you are definitely not alone.

 

Adults
To measure stress according to the Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale, the number of "Life Change Units" that apply to events in the past year of an individual's life are added and the final score will give a rough estimate of how stress affects health.

Life event Life change units
Death of a spouse 100
Divorce 73
Marital separation 65
Imprisonment 63
Death of a close family member 63
Personal injury or illness 53
Marriage 50
Dismissal from work 47
Marital reconciliation 45
Retirement 45
Change in health of family member 44
Pregnancy 40
Sexual difficulties 39
Gain a new family member 39
Business readjustment 39
Change in financial state 38
Death of a close friend 37
Change to different line of work 36
Change in frequency of arguments 35
Major mortgage 32
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan 30
Change in responsibilities at work 29
Child leaving home 29
Trouble with in-laws 29
Outstanding personal achievement 28
Spouse starts or stops work 26
Begin or end school 26
Change in living conditions 25
Revision of personal habits 24
Trouble with boss 23
Change in working hours or conditions 20
Change in residence 20
Change in schools 20
Change in recreation 19
Change in church activities 19
Change in social activities 18
Minor mortgage or loan 17
Change in sleeping habits 16
Change in number of family reunions 15
Change in eating habits 15
Vacation 13
Christmas 12
Minor violation of law 11
Score of 300+: At risk of illness.

Score of 150-299: Risk of illness is moderate (reduced by 30% from the above risk).

Score <150: Only have a slight risk of illness.

 

Thanks for your replies everyone, it truly is much appreciated. If anyone can point me in the right direction to coping with the fear of pain that would also be very helpful. I am definitely terrified of the pain caused by lower back spasms. A life of skateboarding, snowboarding, motorcycles, martial arts and heading out into the wilds has meant I'm no stranger to injury and hospitals but the sheer, breathtaking agony of the back pain has definitely caused me to change my way of life and to give up nearly everything I loved doing because I'm afraid of my back going and treat it like it's made of bone china. I feel if I can unlearn to fear the pain I'd kick TMS for good.

The upside of TMS, and perversely something I am actually grateful for, is I have a wonderful relationship with my wife and kids now once I realised my pain is emotionally linked. I was never the best husband or dad but all the soul-searching and cards-on-the-table conversations really did peel away many of my issues. Even this current bout of TMS has forced me to confront the fact that I still whine, complain and put myself into a negative frame of mind because I am refusing to accept my life has changed.
I left the Scottish Highlands and moved to London for economic reasons. I enjoyed London as a tourist but the day-to-day ugliness of pollution, urban decay, overcrowding, constant gridlock and terrorism threats kept my heart in the Highlands, whereas my family love London for so many reasons. Walt's reply has reminded me to keep being a tourist and to get back out and rediscover what this great city has to offer. So instead of resenting the ugly stuff (and my family) do something positive to make it better, which will include more family trips back to Scotland.

Once again thanks for the opportunity to vent.

 

Just pointing out that you need to change your view as stated in this sentence. It goes against TMS knowledge and principles that the back is STRONG and not fragile as the current public/scientific thinking meme believes. This is one of the keys to TMS healing.