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Hard not to blame my mother

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by joemamma76, Mar 9, 2021.

  1. joemamma76

    joemamma76 Newcomer

    Through these last few weeks I have discovered I have some real deep issues due to my childhood. During my journaling I had an epiphany that even though my mom had the best of intentions she really screwed my up. I’m having a very hard time not blaming my mom for my perfectionism and goodism. At first I was very rational and still nice to her but as time goes on and she continues to try to control me and my brother I’m getting more and more angry. I feel like I need to tell her but is that fair? I want to do it in a way that helps rather than hurts our relationship. Anyone go through anything similar? I can even now feel an inkling of a headache because she hasn’t respected a boundary yesterday. I know this is my journey but I need to protect myself from future pain.
  2. deny

    deny Peer Supporter

    Im a newbie. How did you discovered it?

    I feel the same about my dad, but I have a hard time not to blaming him from leaving me?

    If you ever find a answer, please tell me :)
  3. joemamma76

    joemamma76 Newcomer

    I realized it while journaling about events as a teenager. Thinks I thought I was totally over. The peices all seemed to fit together after doing day 20-30 of the structured program.
    Just the realization has helped my chronic pain considerably.
  4. birdsetfree

    birdsetfree Well known member

    Your emotional wellbeing is your responsibility and so setting boundaries to protect it is healthy and appropriate. I had to do this as part of my recovery too and it worked really well! It was hard to do at first, and the responses were dramatic but overtime it was the best thing I could have ever done for my mental health. Your mom did the best she could with the tools she had and now you can reparent yourself in a healing way. Approach your mom in a respectful way, and with compassion, about your boundaries and be prepared for an awkward adjustment period. Good luck!
    Lainey, Ellen, plum and 2 others like this.
  5. Baseball65

    Baseball65 Beloved Grand Eagle

    She still has jurisdiction over you? Financial dependence? Living with her?...or is she just sticking her nose in your life? One of the most stuck TMS sufferers I have ever met is terrified to stand up to his mom. Breaking that bond is essential not just for TMS wellness, but to be free....otherwise you are their minion your whole life.

    "Kill your parents, Kill your God, Kill the teacher" I believe is the saying?

    To overcome TMS you definitely need to kill your parents. Obviously I don't mean with a gun.... Those 3 things are in order for a reason. As long as you still defer to your parents as if they have some sort of precedence or higher being or purpose than your own, you haven't fully arrived as a free person. Free people know that the only difference between a parent and a child is one was born first chronologically. It doesn't make their experience more valid, their thoughts more important or anything else silly like that. Here's a scary thought.... you might be a better person than them!

    The only thing being chronologically first means is maybe more experience, but if that person has been unconscious for a long time, even that is useless because they can't make anything out of it. Don't waste time trying to figure that out either. Kill them. Dispose of the idea of the 'parent-child' and just be 'person-person'. Honest healthy relationships means information travels in any direction

    Buddha, The carpenter, Eckhart Tolle and a lot of other clear thinking beings have taught this.... that's what truly being 'woke' entails. In fact, the kind of 'love' most of us are afraid of losing by telling someone close to us the truth is actually just addictive clinging...we're afraid of losing something we think we have or material stuff or some sentimental baggage. We're not 'being polite' or 'respectful'...we're just afraid.

    nor will she tomorrow. As soon as you understand that and act accordingly, you will be moving toward freedom..and away from needing TMS.
    TG957, MWsunin12, Lainey and 4 others like this.
  6. plum

    plum Beloved Grand Eagle

    I’d forgotten how much I loved your words. This is a wonderful reply.
    MWsunin12 and Lainey like this.

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